The fountain pen in-between her delicate fingers seemed to weigh as heavy as her delicate mind, slowly but surely teetering between a state of turmoil and her normality.
Isobel at once began to write down the date in the top right corner as usual.
⟪26th September 2026 8:36pm⟫
Soon her thoughts began to spill over the unadulterated, white sheet of paper which began to slowly taint the page a darker shade, especially when looked at from afar.
" From learning about my module roadmap to being attacked by Alex about societal crap, then I messed up my scrambled eggs for the first time, like ever! Oh, and my mini anxiety attack… not to mention that woman who wanted to abort the baby inside of her too… It's been so messed up. Is this what it means to be a university student? I don't know if I can— "
She made a straight, neat line through the last sentence she wrote.
I'm not a dimwit. I am my mother's daughter, Isobel Morris, a proud straight A student, and… I am myself! I won't let myself be tainted by weak thoughts. What would mother think of she found out I thought that way?
She continued to write down her thoughts, but her mind went blank.
'This is so unlike me, how could my mind go blank? Or have I forgotten something? Oh right, the pregnant woman.'
" Today I saw a pregnant woman looking for her pills, and it turned out to be abortion pills. I feel horrible. I technically helped kill a baby, right? Mother doesn't seem to care about it though. But what about me? I just can't stomach that, it's not like I can turn myself in though, the laws on abortion are suspiciously lax here anyway. Why are people like this? I can't understand how someone can get impregnated without thinking of the consequences behind that action, it's so idiotic I really hate people like that. "
Isobel's once neat handwriting seemed a little messier today.
"This is getting too much, I'm going to bed" Isobel said grumpily as she closed her diary and got herself ready to sleep.
~~~
Hey, I'm really sorry it's a bit sudden, but I have to go now…"
"Oh. I'll see you some other time then, right?"
"Of course I will! See you soon Harry."
It was a frigid night. Harsher than usual, the wind that felt so calm and amiable earlier in the afternoon now felt mocking, and bitter. The clouds hid the hopeful light of the stars above as if imprisoning the world in blanket of obscurity or rather protecting those below from the hopeful starlight.
Alexandra checked her bag for her phone to see the time, 8:58 pm. She exhaled shakily. "It's that time already… I wish I didn't have to do this alone again."
The mist of her breath escaped her lips dissipated into the atmosphere quickly, as if it was in a hurry. Alex's footsteps began to hurry also.
"Uncle I promise I'm going to change this fucked up world, I'm not going to lose mom too."
A few minutes passed and Alex had arrived at Oakhaven cemetery, it was a desolate place, filled with graves and the gothic black cemetery gates swung open with a jarring screech. Crows began to flap away at the sound; the trees rustled for a brief moment before the only sound remaining was the sound of her footsteps.
Alexandra expected the noise, yet she still flinched.
"Ugh, I'll never get used to that sound…"
She reached her uncles grave after a few minutes of walking, and she lowered her head to look at the familiar headstone that made her chest sink every time she read it.
Her mind was dark and heavy, filled with indignant rage, muddled up with bitter sorrow and longing.
"It shouldn't have been you; I wish someone else died that day, why did it have to be you?"
There was no reply.
"If only someone was with you that day, if only you weren't alone on that walk, alone yet surrounded by people. If only they did something, anything, anything at all."
Tears swelled up in her eyes, cascading down her face agonisingly slowly. The tingling feeling on her left cheek caused her to smudge her eyes, smudging her mascara.
"Fuck, I forgot to bring my waterproof one."
"I wish this place wasn't so hard on us. I wish we didn't have to struggle so much to survive in a 1st world country. I wish we could afford proper healthcare for you, maybe then you would still be here with me, maybe then I wouldn't be so fucking lonely."
There was no reply.
'Why am I so hopeful after all this, everyone I talk to just feels like garbage trying to fill an insatiable rift in my soul… Is it all just futile in the end?'
The clouds sifted a little, allowing a seldom ray of moonlight to fall on her surroundings.
'But Isobel seems like someone nice, I bet she wouldn't mind if I talked to her more, I really do need someone to lean on nowadays.'
Alexandra enjoyed the light of the moon for a long while in silence and before walking home, she placed a singular purple hyacinth beside her uncle's tombstone.
The wind suddenly felt more comforting as she left, although the cold still felt unforgiving.
Walking past the heavy cemetery gates, she had an almost imperceptible glimmer in her hazel eyes that had never been there before.