My breath shook as i stood transfixed in front of the a counter where different types of pregnancy test were displayed in the convienience store.
Although, I have been so adamant to myself about how false my intuition is, I couldn't resist the urge to actually get a test done. At least I'd be able to dismiss the whole idea once I prove myself wrong.
But it was harder than I thought.
My fingers curled slightly at my side as I forced myself to look away, ready to walk out of the store and pretend this moment never happened.
I even took a step.
Then stopped.
Because if I leave now, the thought wouldn't go away. It would sit there. Grow. Follow me back to that room and into every quiet moment until I couldn't ignore it anymore.
Before I could talk myself out of it again, I reached forward, grabbed the closest box, and headed straight for the checkout.
This is just to prove myself wrong.
I'm not pregnant.
I cannot be pregnant.
———
Two lines.
I stared at the small stick, waiting for it to change. Waiting for one of the lines to fade, to blur, to disappear because it shouldn't be there in the first place.
But it didn't.
My vision wavered, tears gathering faster than I could stop them, and for a second I convinced myself that was it—that I was just seeing double through the blur.
So I blinked and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and looked again.
Two lines.
Still there.
A quiet, broken sound left my throat as my grip tightened around the edge of the sink.
"No…"
This wasn't possible. It couldn't be.
But the longer I sat in this cramped toilet, tge more reality began to dawn in me.
I was pregnant.
"I really am pregnant."
Saying it out loud stamped the whole thing.
The tears came then—fast and uncontrollable, spilling over before I could stop them, my shoulders shaking as everything I had been holding back for weeks finally gave way.
I was so stupid.
I was so stupid to have sex with a stranger just few days after my mate rejected me and my womb was declared cursed.
And now…as if I haven't suffered enough, as if losing everything wasn't enough…
"How am I supposed to do this?"
How was I supposed to raise a child in a world that had already decided it shouldn't exist?
How was I supposed to protect something that had been named a curse before it even had a heartbeat?
"It's not fair…"
The words came out in a whisper this time, weaker, heavier.
"It's really not fair."
————-
I don't know how long I stayed in the toilet.
But it was long enough for my knees to go numb from the cold floor. Long enough for the tears to dry on my face and leave a whitish trail.
I stared at the two lines until they blurred again.
Then I wrapped the test in tissue paper and tossed it in the bin under the sink and washed my face.
I straightened up and looked at myself in the mirror. At tge exhausted girl that stared back at me.
Get it together.
I splashed cold water one more time.
Get it together, Lyra.
——-
For the first time since I moved into this apartment, I was genuinely relieved that my roommate, Clara was barely around. We met on my first week at the club through Ren when I told him about how I couldn't find an apartment I could afford. She was looking for a roommate at that time so I jumped on it.
Especially because she wasn't charging much.
The downside of it though was that she was barely home. I have no idea what her job entails but she was mostly out during the day and sometimes won't even come back at night.
But I was grateful for her absence today.
I laid on my bed in exhaustion. My hand subconsciously moved to stomach. It was flat, like nothing changed and the thought that there was a little life being developed inside seemed almost untrue.
But it was.
My child.
I felt a deep, warm sense of attachment at that proclamation. My child.
The baby inside of me is mine, despite the curse put on him, despite what the world might do about its existence, it is mine.
I curled onto my side, shielding my stomach as if I could already hold it dear to me. "I'll protect you". And I'll raise you well. It doesn't matter if I do it single-handedly, it doesn't matter if the child doesn't know it's true origin, it doesn't matter. I'll raise it far away from a pack life and I'll prove to them that the Oracle can be wrong.