Chapter 23 Part 1
"Alright, life—point goes to you," I muttered once the Suna trio had disappeared from sight. Running into another jinchuriki was absolutely not on my list of things to expect. They just gravitate toward me! Oh dear...
But it really is sad. Even without knowing exactly what happened in Gaara's life, the bare schematic knowledge canon provided was more than enough to piece together a rough picture. And again, to say I don't like it would be an understatement.
A wonderful reminder that I'm not living in a fairy tale. That's for sure.
"Kooooooru-chaaaaaan!"
Thud!
"Wha?!.. Naruko." I sigh, feeling the sudden weight on my back. "My heart nearly jumped out!"
Hah. I'd been so deep in thought that I hadn't even noticed I'd already reached Team Seven's usual meeting spot. Surprisingly, Naruko and I were the first ones here.
"Umm... Sorry?" the orange girl apologized, carefree. She let go of my neck and shuffled her foot awkwardly against the ground, gaze lowered a little. "It's just... umm... you've been so busy these days... and I, like, kinda... missed you?.."
"Goodness, what am I supposed to do with you?.." I sigh, and I can't help but reach toward this walking source of adorable positivity. Completely on autopilot, my hand came to rest on the girl's golden crown.
"Heh-heh..." Naruko laughed, content, her eyes narrowing with pleasure at the affection. Her lips stretched into a wide smile, and her cheeks turned faintly pink. "Koru-chan petted me!"
"You look happy. Is it really that nice?" I tease her, sly.
"Well... not exactly... But your... y-y-your hands are nice..." Naruko answered, a little faltering, tilting her head.
"'Nice hands,' hah?" I repeat, thoughtful. Hm... Never would have thought that.
Hmm...
I look at Naruko thoughtfully: she's standing there with an utterly blissful face, thoroughly soaking up the affection.
Hmmmmmmmmmm...
Fingers threading through her hair, I let them slip down behind her ear.
"U-myah..." Naruko exhaled, barely audible, leaning her head.
Seems she's gotten addicted to this. I note to myself, watching the girl. She's almost like a puppy. Hm, add some ears and a wagging tail and the image would be perfect! Kawaii. Suddenly, a startling revelation struck me: Oh. I think I've gotten addicted to Naruko?!
Mmaaa... Yeah. There was something mesmerizing about it. Think about it: people love playing with puppies, right? And Naruko, at times like this, is a total Puppy! It's not my fault if it's simply impossible to resist!
Oh, just looking at her, I can feel all my worries retreating~
Hm, what if I...?
poke
"Y-yai!" Naruko suddenly yelped, jumping back from me.
"Huh? That was sudden." Suppressing the urge to clutch my heart, I look with even greater curiosity at the girl, frozen in confusion. "Now then..."
"K-Koru-chan?" She eyed me warily and took one hesitant step back. But my legs are longer, so my step is longer. Closing the distance, I reached out my hand and...
poke!
"Uyah!" Naruko cried, grabbing her cheeks.
W-well, I'll be damned! It was a truly shocking discovery. Unbelievable! Who could have known?!
poke
"Uyay!"
But who could have known?!
poke-poke-poke
Who could have known that Naruko's "fox whiskers" were so sensitive?!!!!!
poke-poke squish-squish
So soft—the softest~
squish-squish squeeze-squeeze
Ahhh... I feel a blessing descending upon me~
squeeze-squeeze-squeeze
Harmony was revealed to me. I was Harmony itself. The Great Equilibrium. The Balance of the Universes opened itself to me.
"K-Kooruuu..." Naruko's stifled whimper reached my mind completely out of nowhere. As if waking from a trance, I looked at the girl standing before me, and I felt very ashamed.
Naruko stood there, desperately squeezing her eyes shut. Her eyelids trembled with tension, her fingers clenched into little fists and pressed against her body. Cheeks visibly flushed pink, she stoically endured my squeezing.
"Oh!! I'm sorry, Naruko! I... ahem... I... I just don't know what came over me." I apologize, abashed. But Kami-sama, it feels so nice! The skin around those marks turned out to be unbelievably soft to the touch! Ugh, squeezing her is so pleasant!
"Ummh." Sniffling, Naruko stepped back. She opened her eyes—damply glistening—and shifted awkwardly in place, covering her face with her hands.
Thu-thump
My heart skipped a beat at that sight. Oh...
Lifting her head slightly, the girl looked at me through her fingers:
"N-nuu... it's fine... It's just... it was a little.. sudden... But... if it's... mumble-mumble-mumble... then I... mumble-mumble" Quietly muttering something unintelligible under her breath, Naruko dropped her gaze, embarrassed, blushing even harder.
D-damn, my own face is burning with shame!
Oh, kami, what am I even doing?!
Mmmaa... So awkward!!!
Damn it, why do I feel like some kind of villain?
"Um..."
"Mm?.."
"Yes... I... uh..."
"Mm... it... mumble-mumble..."
Awkward! Awkward!!! AWKWARD!!!! Gods, the very air, the entire space—just soaked through and through with the awkwardness of the situation!
Oh, but Naruko's cheeks are so soft... Really nice to the touch...
Ahem.
"Uff... Oh, am I late? Um? Did something happen?.."
Sakurai!!!! Kami, I'm so glad to see you!
"Ah. Hm. Sakurai-kun! Long time no see!" I exclaimed, chipper.
"What happened?! Nothing happened! Mmooouu! And Bakashi-sensei is late as always! Stupid sensei! Ha-ha-ha!" Naruko laughed unnaturally, fully backing my effort. Oh, Naruko, that looks as fake as it's physically possible to look!
"Om... Alright?" Sakurai murmured, completely thrown off by such a forceful barrage of feigned positivity. Shrugging at our strange behavior, the young man sat down under the nearest tree, desperately stifling a yawn.
"Didn't get enough sleep today, Sakurai-kun?" I latched onto the first topic that came to mind. Besides, Haruno's overall appearance was somewhat... mm... haggard. "Bad dreams, insomnia?"
"Mm? No, not at all—uaaauu..." The young man couldn't hold it in after all. "Oh. Kaoru-san, how do you manage to do everything?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"You see: I decided to take some courses..." Haruno waved his hand vaguely. "Looking at you, I thought... it wouldn't be bad to learn iryo-ninjutsu: a skill set like that wouldn't be superfluous in any case, right? But it turns out I was completely unprepared for the amount of material. Studying the theory isn't a problem, but it takes considerable time, and then there's the practice and our genin missions... Uaaf... The last few days have been a little intense for me."
"Is that so?.. Well, I can only advise you to be patient and keep at it. Yes, the beginning of training is the hardest part—though it was a little easier for me, since I had the chance to dedicate all my daytime hours to study." I spread my hands, as if apologizing. "So hang in there, Sakurai-kun! And if anything, you can always come to me for help. If you want, I'll even provide copies of my iryo notes."
"That would help me so much!" The young man brightened. "I'd be really grateful! Oh, hey, Sasuko-chan!"
"Mhm. She's not here yet," the newly arrived Uchiha stated. Ah, as always, surrounding herself with an aura of severity. Truly—a hedgehog in spikes. "Hey."
"Good day, Sasuko-chan." I wave, friendly. "It's been a little while, hasn't it?"
"And you're here." The girl snorted, smirking slightly.
"Yep~ Had a few important matters to attend to. Had to part ways with you all, but I honestly missed you!"
"Pff... As carefree as ever, useless monk."
"Cruel!" I exclaim in mock sorrow.
"Hey!! Don't call Koru-kun useless, Stupid Hedgehog!" Naruko jumped toward the dark-haired girl.
"And here I was glad you'd finally bitten your tongue off, Loud Idiot," the Uchiha leaned toward her, challenging.
"Kami-sama..." Haruno sighed, weary. "Maybe you could calm them down, Kaoru-san?"
"Impossible." I shake my head with an apologetic smile. "Just watch, Sakurai-kun: look how adorably they're communicating."
"Ummh... I think they're about to start a fight again," the young man disagreed, closing his eyes with a mournful look.
"Say... It's simply their way of communicating." I raise an index finger to the sky, instructive. "A way of communicating."
"Maa... You know, it's so strange: I just accidentally took a wrong turn, and then a black cat riding on a granny asked... Mm?" Akashi fell silent, having failed to notice an appropriate reaction to such an obvious lie. "Did something happen?"
"Nothing. Nothing at all. Hello, taicho." I greet her, healing the bump on Naruko's forehead. She sat there, sulking, very demonstratively not looking in Sasuko's direction. And Sasuko, for her part, was just as demonstratively not looking in Naruko's direction, having already received her own dose of medical aid from me. Yep... They'd gotten into a fight again. Such lively girls~
And Sakurai was throwing irritated, envious glances my way again, hiding it very clumsily. All because I was the one who got to touch the lovely face of Hedgehog-chan in order to heal her "battle wounds." She really is a very cute girl with a pleasant face, and it would be a shame for such beauty to be marred by blue bruises on flawless skin.
Well, Haruno's got no one to blame but himself—if he knew iryo-ninjutsu, he could've treated the object of his adoration himself. And as for the fact that during the treatment I allowed myself a few ambiguous remarks and a couple or three extra touches... Hey, I'm a guy too, and I can appreciate beauty—and Sasuko-chan has already started blossoming and is quite pretty. Plus, I just felt like teasing Pinky a little. Is it a sin to take pleasure in your work?
"All riiight—done." I finished, satisfied, ruffling the blond mop one last time.
"Mm... So, everyone. No missions today. Here—this is for you." Apparently deciding it would be too tiresome to waste energy on a preamble (had a Nara bitten her, maybe?), Hatake handed each genin a couple of sheets of paper stapled together.
"Eh? What's this?" Naruko exclaimed, puzzled.
"Hm."
"'Permission'?.." Sakurai read aloud.
"Weeell... It's a little unexpected, but I've nominated you to take the Chunin Exam."
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeh????" Haruno and Naruko let out synchronized gasps of surprise, staring at the papers in their hands, while Sasuko's gaze sharpened with keener attention.
"Whether you take it or not is entirely your decision. It's perfectly fine if any of you choose not to: the exams are held twice a year, so there'll be plenty of opportunities." The jonin continued. Sly one: she conveniently neglected to mention that only full teams are accepted! "Those who decide to go must sign these papers and report to the central Academy, room 301, on the day of the Exam."
"Akashi-sensei!!!" Naruko exclaimed, emotional, literally teleporting to Akashi and hanging off her neck. "You're the coolest and best sensei! I love you! I take back all—all the mean things I ever said about you!!!"
"Hey, enough! Get off!.. Wait! You've been saying mean things about me?!"
"Loud idiot... Same as always." Sasuko snorted derisively, then turned her now-serious gaze onto the permission form. Soon, traces of new emotions surfaced on her face: anticipation, excitement. You don't need to be a psychic to follow her train of thought: the Exam meant strong participants. And Sasuko always sought to fight strong opponents, to grow beyond herself.
"Heh-heh... Eh? Hey, but hold on!" Naruko spoke up, abruptly calming down and releasing the jonin's neck. "What about Koru-chan?! You didn't give him anything, sensei!!"
Sakurai and Sasuko turned toward me almost in sync, took visual stock of my person, then fixed questioning stares on the woman.
"Mmaa... You see, it's all rather complicated, but Kaoru-kun won't be taking the exam." Scratching the back of her head in a carefree gesture, Hatake declared. "And besides, he's only nominally listed on your team, so in any case, he wouldn't have gone with you."
"Eeeeeeh?! But why?!" Naruko protested. "Koru-chan's always been with us!!! Right?!"
"That's unfair." Sakurai agreed with Naruko. "Kaoru-san should have the right to take the exam, sensei."
"What's the reason?" Sasuko demanded. Eh, I didn't expect even she would try to defend me. Pleasant. And flattering.
"Now, now—take it easy." I spoke up, aiming to calm the indignant genin. "Much as I appreciate it, there's no need to worry yourselves so much over this."
"But! But!! But why?!" Naruko cried, upset.
"Really, Kaoru-san, why? Without passing the exam, you won't be able to rise in rank!" Sakurai fumed. "Better missions, bigger rewards, the ability to choose your own assignments! And that's just on the surface!"
"...hm." And even Sasuko was looking at me as if to say, "Are you an idiot, turning this down?"
"Umm... It's simply a bit too much for me, you know? Heh-heh-heh..." I laugh awkwardly, scratching the back of my head. "Even if I had the option, I still wouldn't use the right: I wouldn't pass anyway."
"That's not true! Koru-chan, you know tons of awesome stuff! You're awesome!" The blonde protested.
"I'm very flattered, Naru-chan, but the exam really isn't for me. Let's honestly face the truth: I'm a pretty mediocre shinobi." I shake my head. "And there will be a lot of very strong people there, from all the Villages. Seriously, I'm really honored that you worry about me, but—there's no need. And besides: chunin is just a title, and it wouldn't do me much good anyway."
The genin sulked, while Akashi only nodded meaningfully at my words:
"That's what I was talking about." Hatake spoke, didactic, never missing a chance to get on her genins' nerves. "If you don't feel strong enough—decline. A shinobi must assess their strength soberly and understand when to retreat. Kaoru-kun seems to get that."
And there's also the fact that, in any case, they have no intention of "showing me off" before the guests, right? I asked internally, holding in my mind the image of a certain smiling old woman. The Hokage had clearly marked me down as one of her trump cards—the kind you only play at the crucial moment.
And besides...
I'd die in there! A thoroughly unheroic thought pulsed like an alarm bell in my head. I'd die—as sure as anything, I'd die! You guys are protected by the laws of the genre—your strength and abilities are enough to do everything "as it should be" and at minimum to survive this celebration of life.
But me? They'd grind me to dust and not even notice...
Let's face it—I'm under no illusions: as a shinobi, I'm mediocre to the limit. Although—to give myself some credit—specifically as a "shinobi," without employing my other abilities. But if there's one thing I'm certain of, it's that I have absolutely no intention of showing off my tricks! Oh no, no way—there are already enough killers running around this world without a poor, humble priest laying bare his tiny secrets for all to see.
What's more, a clearly extraneous element could seriously destabilize the story. And as long as things proceed as they proceed, I can at least have some measure of confidence that the others will be fine. Plus, I've already "left a footprint," to some degree—my own example pushed Haruno into taking up medicine. Even if his progress in that field is still clearly modest, it already significantly differentiates Sakurai from Sakura, who didn't develop at all. And besides—the fact that I won't participate in the exam directly doesn't mean I'll just sit around and do nothing! At the very least, I'll prepare to help Sasuko after the white snake's attack.
Much to my regret, I can't expose the Snake Sannin without raising questions. Just as I can't do anything about Kabuki-sempai—that devious, multi-layered spy with perpetually gleaming glasses. And I can't prevent the attack... D-damn! I'm completely helpless here, aren't I? Such a foul feeling.
"Well, that's all." Clapping her hands, Akashi concluded. "You have the papers, there's still time to think, so we'll wrap this up. Oh! Almost forgot: Kaoru-kun, you should drop by the administration—Hokage-sama wants to see you. Don't keep her waiting."
poof
She vanished. Or was that a clone? Most likely: I doubt Hatake would be conscientious enough to personally handle such "trivial" matters. Kami—sometimes I don't know whether to be angry with the silver-maned woman, or feel pity for her.
"Granny? Right! I'll talk to Granny Third and she'll fix everything!" Naruko suddenly brightened, arriving at some train of thought I couldn't follow.
"Naruko, I don't think things work quite the way you're imagining. I already saaaaaai—!" I tried to calm the girl down, but what chance do I have against an Uzumaki woman—even a half-blood—once she's gotten something lodged in her head! It'd be easier to take an oni's booze away from it. With a spirited "Let's go, quick, Koru-chan!!!", she grabbed my hand and, with irresistible persistence, towed me toward the Hokage's tower.
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