Chapter 7 Part 2
I never imagined I'd unload that aphrodisiac — made from blunt-snouted beetle shell — so fast. And on Akashi, of all people!!! Our carefree sensei sure lives an interesting life, that's for sure. But honestly? Doesn't bother me much. What matters is the merchandise sold for double! Jonin have decent money, apparently...
And Naruko... The silly girl bought that "love" amulet. To be perfectly honest — that thing's one of the few items in my stock that's completely useless and totally fake. A placebo, in other words. I felt sorry for her and even gave her a "comrade's discount" — half off. Which then required me to physically restrain her from buying a second one with the leftover change. "What if the effects stack?!" she asked.
Kami-sama, she's not a stupid girl — but sometimes she's so damn naive that scamming her feels genuinely shameful!
The genin were catching the cat. Catching it by the book: rendezvous points, passwords, secret comms via portable radios, combat rolls between bushes. A total circus.
Speaking of which — those headsets. Pretty interesting gadgets, actually. Though maybe some fans are right, and the world of Naruto really did survive some kind of apocalypse? Like, before the Sage of Six Paths. Something happened — something that completely derailed technological progress. A lot was lost, some things forgotten or deliberately destroyed... And now peasants live in hovels and plow fields with plows... but they also sail on ships and motorboats, there's a train in the Land of Snow, and if I remember right, hidden somewhere is a giant machine that either controls the weather or something... An absolutely insane contrast — Asian medievalism with random chunks of 20th+ century tech jammed in. Trying to make sense of it would drive you nuts. So I'll leave it alone.
Back to the headsets. Interesting, but not great. Interesting because they don't need their own power source — a few drops of a shinobi's chakra does the job. Not great because of their short range and how easy they are to jam. Since they run on chakra, they suffer from it too: any barrier — even the weakest — will cut the user off from the channel, guaranteed. And a halfway decent combat jutsu will just drown out the "airwaves" with background noise, churning up the natural chakra wherever it hits. Bottom line: these headsets are short-range toys for genin in relatively "safe" areas. Nothing more.
"Victory!!!" A joyful Naruko announced, hauling a hysterically yowling cat in her arms. Sasuko and Sakurai flanked her, each firmly gripping a set of legs — front and hind, respectively. All three looked like they'd just fought a brutal war against a whole pack of wild tigers: filthy, scratched to hell, and exhausted. Haruno was still holding it together — barely. Uchiha, on the other hand, looked ready to awaken her Sharingan, Mangekyo included, and incinerate the target with the black flames of Amaterasu.
That tailed beast really put them through it! And me? I sat things out again. Did nothing.
"Bring it here." Taking pity on the genin — and simultaneously saving the frenzied creature from a cruel death — I pulled a small seal-amulet from my belt. As soon as they got close, I pressed it against the frantic cat's flank: "Bind!"
Hop — and the little scrap of paper shot thin ribbons in every direction, mummifying the cat like an Egyptian mummy. Yep — the same technique I now use to catch Naruko in the mornings. Speaking of which, lately she's gotten pretty good at slipping out — manages it about three times out of ten. The other times she fails, or only partly succeeds. Gotta come up with a new trap. Or upgrade the old one. Otherwise my food supplies are in serious danger! That cheeky brat's gotten so brazen she raids my fridge like it's her own kitchen! And the little pest always puts on such an innocent face that I just can't stay mad. But monastery life has tempered my spirit — I won't fall that easily! For now, let's try adding some extra seals...
"Unbelievable. Three of us could barely hold this demon down!" Sakurai muttered, awestruck.
"Lesson for you, kids: pursue self-education and study seals!" I declare, raising a finger toward the heavens.
"Heh, Koru-chan's always so funny when he gets all high and mighty!" The blonde giggled, scooping up the "mummy" — eyes still rolling wildly.
"Not Koru — Kaoru!" It's basically a reflex at this point. "What... really?"
"Hee-hee-hee!" Watching me, Uzumaki got even more tickled.
"What?!" Huh?
"Pfeh!.."
"What is it?!" Huh?!
"Forgi...ve me, Nagisa-san, but your face..." Sakurai was fighting a smile with everything he had.
"What's wrong with my face?!" I pat myself down, bewildered. Rubbed my cheeks — clean. What's the deal?!
"Hmph."
"Hee-hee..."
"Hm... h-heh..."
"Hey, hey, kiddos! I've still got plenty of these seals, you know!" Binding seals appear between my fingers in a flash. I'll get them now!..
"Oh, you've already finished. Good, good." Akashi, appearing behind me, effectively saved the trio from something extremely unpleasant. "That was quick. Well, let's go turn in the mission!"
Fine. I'll retreat this time. But you'd better know this!!! I will have my revenge. I'll redesign these seals specially — to bind in shibari style! And since Uzumaki started laughing first, she'll have the honor of being my first test subject!!
Oh man... I feel like an animal abuser. The poor cat, handed over to its mistress, was immediately crushed against the woman's abundant form. No doubt she loves her pet — but the creature itself was ready to climb the walls to escape that "affection." And all that "coochy-coochy-coo" nonsense...
Forgive me, Kami-sama. Forgive me, kitty. I'll definitely pray for you.
clap-clap
Surprisingly, not just me — Sakurai, Naruko, and even Uchiha (!!!) clapped their hands like at a funeral and bowed their heads mournfully.
"Rest in peace," we bade farewell, in a funeral tone, to the frantically yowling cat being carried off by its immeasurably loving owner.
Yeah.
"I feel a little guilty," Sakurai muttered, scratching a wide scratch on his nose.
"Poor kitty... Even though he's a nasty little jerk, I feel sorry for him," Naruko agreed.
"I can see why he fought so hard. Still — just in case, I'd have performed an exorcism," I offered. Then I looked over the genin and clapped my hands to get their attention. "Alright, valiant squad of genin animal-abusers! Show me your battle wounds!"
"It's just a couple scratches..." The boy tried to wave it off, but I was already right there, gripping his shoulders firmly.
"Cat scratches always mean minor infection. Infection can turn into gangrene. And gangrene means amputation. Sakurai-kun, you've got so many scratches... I'm afraid the hospital will have to cut off your head..."
"Eek!!!" And that's what a kind smile and a gentle tone gets you! The patient agrees to everything in advance, heh.
"Just kidding," I shrug. Sakurai looks ready to murder me, judging by that glare. "Now, let's see."
Under the eye, on the nose, a couple on the cheek... And the hands, naturally, are completely shredded. A demon really must have possessed this cat!! To scratch up a shinobi — young as he is — this badly.
Hands glowing soft green glide over the skin, sealing the scratches.
"Damn it!.. I wanna heal Sakurai-kun too!.." came an envious whisper from behind. "And hold his hands just like that!.."
Eek!! Naruko!!! Hey, hey, hey — and why are YOU blushing?! I'm not in that league, man!
"Done."
"Ah, thank you." He pulls his hands away hurriedly, breaking contact as fast as possible. I feel kind of awkward. And Sakurai's way too easily flustered.
"I'd recommend studying at least a little medicine. It'll come in handy no matter what. Sasuko-chan?" I tilt my head, questioning.
"Pfh..." The girl snorted — but still offered me her hands. Fewer scratches here, but they're there. I clasp the elegant hand in my fingers, guiding healing chakra onto the skin. Whoa — emotions other than indifference?! I'd bet she doesn't get her hands held like this very often. Stubborn as she is, she's still a girl! No wonder our Emo-Hedgehog is just a tiny, tiny bit flustered.
I could totally stroke my own ego with this!
An itch flares between my shoulder blades. Hm. Sakurai's jealous. Why else would he be boring holes into my back like that?
Oh — I missed a tiny scratch on her left cheek!..
Oh-oh-oh, Sakurai — you're gonna burn a hole right through my back!
"That's everything." I smile, pleased with my work. It's always satisfying to see the results — even for something this minor.
"Hmph..." Taking a step back, Sasuko ran her fingers over the vanished scratches. If I've gotten even a little better at reading her expressions — she's definitely satisfied, even if she won't show it. "Thank you."
Ah-ta-ta! My back is on fire with the flames of HELL!!!
"Now me!" Naruko hopped closer on her own, not wanting to be left out. Well, in that case... "Ow!! What was that for?!"
"Preventative treatment," I smile, watching the blonde puff up indignantly, rubbing the tip of her nose. Oh, don't be so dramatic — it was just a light flick. "They say it works wonders for brattiness."
"Boo, Koru-chan's a meanie!" Naruko herself didn't have a scratch on her. Not surprising — the Tailed Beast's chakra, circulating in her body since birth, heals minor injuries like these in no time. But at the same time, along with the healing, it slowly poisons the host. That's why jinchuriki — Uzumaki excepted — rarely live long. And even more rarely — happy.
"E-heh-heh..." I sighed, trailing after the others toward the Hokage's desk. Something's got me feeling down. Even the show Naruko put on in the Hokage's office couldn't shake me out of it.
"Come on, Granny!!!" Naruko threw up her hands. "I'm not the same airheaded girl I was before! How much longer am I gonna be pulling weeds and walking dogs?! This sucks!"
"You idiot!!! You're in front of Hokage-sama! Watch your mouth!" And that, apparently, is Iruka... or whatever she's called here?
"At this rate, I'll never become a worthy kunoichi," Uzumaki grumbled, pulling her head in. And though the others stayed quiet, the mood made it obvious — Sasuko and Sakurai were one hundred percent with the blonde. Akashi silently covered her face with her hand.
"Hmm... Hmm..." Sarutobi croaked, puffing on her pipe. She demonstratively measured each genin with an inscrutable look, then stopped on me. Took a drag, blew out a cloud of smoke. "Hmm... Very well, Naruko."
"What do you... Huh?!" Perking up, Uzumaki stared at Sarutobi in surprise. The old woman looked at the dumbfounded genin, a spark of amusement in her aged eyes. "What-what?"
"If you're that eager to move forward... I'll meet you halfway. I'm entrusting you with a C-rank mission!"
"Hooray!! Granny, you're awes—ow!!"
"What have I taught you, Naruko?!" Fuming with equal parts anger and mortification, Iruka delivered a smack to her former student's head.
"Sensei!.."
"Hush! Behave yourself in the presence of our Village's leader!"
".... Uh-huh."
"Ho-ho-ho!.. No need to be so stern, Iruka." The Hokage waved a thin hand. "Your task will be to protect a client. Tazuna-san is an architect, returning to his home country for a major project. You'll protect him for the entire journey, and throughout the construction."
"Awesome!!"
Huh? Ara-ra?! Tazuna? "He"?! Not "Tajina" or some other female version? So — not everyone in this world got gender-swapped? I guess... It couldn't have been that simple all along, right?
"That's all. You're dismissed. You'll depart tomorrow, when the client... is ready to set out." Oh... Is the bridge-builder so wasted he can't even walk? "Akashi — come see me this evening for additional instructions."
"Hai, Hokage-sama."
"That's all. Dismissed."
We bowed and left the mission office. The kids were clearly hyped for a "real" mission, and Naruko was practically bouncing in place, ready to go right now.
"Until tomorrow! I can't wait! I can't wait!!!" Energy was just radiating off Naruko. She was so happy that even the Nine-Tails' ominous aura felt weaker.
"Sasuko-chan... walk together?" Sakurai offered — a little shy, but still confident.
"Pf... My place is the other way," Uchiha tossed over her shoulder, vanishing around the corner without looking back.
"Ah... Until tomorrow," Haruno sighed.
Failure.
"Yeah, go on, you stupid hedgehog!" Uzumaki muttered at the Uchiha's back — then immediately bounced over to the boy, hanging off his arm: "Hey, hey, Sakurai-kun!! Let's walk together?!"
"Oh, Naruko... It's totally out of my way. No point wasting time on that." Deftly — you could tell he'd had practice — freeing his arm, Sakurai stepped back a bit. "Nagisa-san lives near you, right? You're heading the same way anyway. Use that time to get ready instead."
Failure No. 2.
"Eh..." Gazing at the pink-haired boy's back, Uzumaki sighed sadly, shoulders slumping.
"Trouble..." I glanced around. The ominous aura had thickened — some of the more sensitive passersby were getting visibly uneasy.
"Come on, Naruko." I placed a hand on her head and ruffled her golden hair a little.
"Mmm?" Big blue eyes peered up at me through her bangs, surprised.
"You really should prep better. You're a girl, but you're so messy. Bet you'll forget something important again. Such a klutz."
"I am not a klutz!" Uzumaki perked up, puffing her cheeks. "I'm just a little!.. I... well... I'm thoughtful! Like Shika!! See!"
"Call it whatever you want — you'll still forget."
"Heh-heh..." A goofy, bashful smile. A sunshine girl — and just like that, her mood's already back. She's really something else. "Hey, Koru-chan?!"
"Not Koru — Kaoru. What?"
"Since we've got time... Will you teach me? I wanna make bento for the trip. And treat Sakurai-kun!!!"
"Oh... Umm..." My stomach just clenched.
"You'll help, right?! Pleeease???" Tilting her head, the girl peered up into my face.
No! No-no-no-no! Don't look at me like that! Don't make that kitten face! It won't work — no! No, no, and one more time — NO!..
.....
Ah, damn it.
I'm a fucking weakling. T_T