For a moment, it felt like the door had been open for hours. The thoughts in my head were 'What was I going to do? How was I going to be able to face the young man I had the most disturbing sex last night
This wasn't how I intended things to happen. I was fully aware of what I was doing last night but I wasn't strong enough to face the consequences.
The man who I thought was Terry stepped in. Only, he wasn't.
Just an ordinary guy.
A baseball cap sat crooked on his head, worn the wrong way. His plaid shirt looked like something Terry might wear, but on this man it felt different. Simpler. Realer. Like I had stepped into the wrong story.
From the look in his eyes, he was as confused as I was and of course, an explanation was needed—from me, that is.
I didn't remember much before I dashed outside, but I could recall the fact that he tried to make out a few sentences.
"Who are you? Where's Terry?"
——
Whatever the young man who for some reason looked quite a lot like Terry but lacked his style said didn't matter to me. I just needed to get out of there and get to Catherine as soon as possible.
The run to my dorm was as uncomfortable as wearing wet socks in dry shoes. I could feel the eyes of familiar course mates and others glued on me.
At that point, it felt as though, the very ground would open and swallow me whole.
I finally made it to my dorm after what felt like hours.
The door was unlocked and of course, Catherine had herself entangled in another sexual altercation with two men this time.
This didn't bother me, I just needed to get to class.
Her words were muffled, but I knew clearly what she was asking.
"What the fuck Deb, is everything alright?"
Like hell she didn't know I was missing last night while she lay with two men who had their fingers between her legs.
I chose not to reply to her. Not only was I late for class, but I was angry.
The only thing I could remember was stripping my clothes, not even sure I was in front of the men that Catherine brought before stepping inside. I didn't care how cold the shower was.
After I was done dressing, I stepped out of the dorm, the words of Catherine echoing behind.
"Deb! I'm sorry!"
I didn't listen. Her voice alone angered me to the point that I screamed out for her to "Shut the fuck up!"
I didnt bother looking to see how Catherine reacted to my outburst, at that moment, I only thought about getting to class as fast as possible.
The 13th lecture hall of Stanford University, the most prestigious college institution I had ever attended, was as quiet as I could remember when I stepped in.
And of course, Professor Harry was the one who taught today and he was quite known for commenting on my tardiness, but today seemed different.
As I stood there, waiting for a single complaint from him, I never got it, only a few glances.
My colleagues had begun to stare at me and I wasn't sure I was comfortable knowing how long they would look at me. I stepped down, looking for a seat.
Of course, Terry was in one of them, a space beside him.
Just great, now I had to sit close to the guy I pleasured myself with. At that moment, I began to regret falling for him and getting drunk in the first place.
Now it was like the weight of two battleships were on my shoulders. First I dealt with one now it had multiplied.
Though I was trying to avoid him, there was no other seat, I had no choice.
"Here we go again," I said to myself as I walked towards him.
I remembered sitting and listening to every word Professor Harry spoke. Now my attention was completely in the class and Terry who couldn't glance at me was just a side character in whatever world I was in.
Now, when I meant I knew every word that Professor Harry said, I meant it. That day I remembered answering every question before our classes ended.
Now that I was free from the glances, I just wanted to return to my dorm and rest, but of course, Terry had to be there at the wrong time.
We both stared at each other for a moment, the situation lasting longer than I expected. At this point, I had to put an end to it, so I decided to walk past him as fast as possible.
"Hey, is everything alright?" he asked.
I didn't want to answer. I couldn't face him. I just wanted to leave.
But of course, he stopped me, his warm hand on my wrist.
"Deborah!" he called out, the loudness of his voice causing me to shake.
And then he asked the obvious question, "Are you alright? You've been avoiding me. Is it about last night?"
No shit genius, it was about last night. Did he think I wasn't going to be bothered about it?
My reputation as the only representative of my last remaining family was on the line. From the way it looked, the respect from Professor Harry was already gone and I didn't think losing it between my colleagues was the best.
So I had to do what was best and running away from him was.
I looked him in the eyes, he looked amazing up close and even his touch was amazing. I felt trapped in his gaze, but I had to be strong.
It was like he too was trapped because he began to step closer now, his grip weakening. But of course, the area we stood wasn't quiet and I was sure people were looking.
So I had to be smart, I had to let go.
I remembered walking away, my head bowed. Terry didn't try to stop me. I didn't want him to.
I just needed to get to my dorm where Catherine was probably waiting for me and I was sure I had to face her somehow.