EVADNE
My head was spinning from the alcohol. I don't know why I decided to greet Esmeralda, maybe it was the effects of alcohol.
Esmeralda was really beautiful, the combination of fierce fire red hair, gentle light green eyes and pure snow white skin plus the figure of a model. She was the kind of woman who women envied when she walked by. If I was pretty like her, would he have chosen me over her.
I shouldn't be out. I should have stayed home like I had planned to. Scrubbing tables and floors until they were spotless only helped a little. Gave me something to focus on for a little while but the combination of alcohol and a panic attack was not a lovely one.
My chest felt heavy, breathing felt suffocating, my heart beat wild, violent and painful. My hands trembled as though I was left out in the snow for way too long.
I couldn't hire a cab in this state, being in such a small space would feel like the walls were closing in on me. I didn't come with my purse that always had my medicine. I let the tears spill hoping they'd soothe the pain from the panic attack, hoping that I'd get to focus on the pain that came from crying.
My knees gave out, unable to hold the weight of my body. My hand instinctively held my neck to feel my pulse with hopes of my hand soothing me but I knew well that never worked. For a while I had gangster. For a while I could run to his embrace, for a while I had relied on him, for a while he was what healed me, what calmed me. For a while being in his arms took away the panic attacks.
I shouldn't have relied on him. I shouldn't have let his embrace become my solace. Now I'm stuck here with no arms to run too. Of all the people who could be my safe, why him? My body craved him.
"Eva, Eva." someone rushed to my side, I couldn't register who the voice belonged to. Just a little part of my heart hoped it was gangster.
"Breathe Eva, breathe please stay with me. Stay with me please. "
I lifted my head up to see who it was. Warm large hands wiped the tears of my face. I closed my eyes to try and bring back my vision and opened it again.
Things were a little blurry but I could see that Alexander was the one who was consoling me. He pulled me into his embrace. His fingers slid into my hair and moved gently like a calming
massage.
That kind of helped. The trembling didn't stop but my heart beat slowly became steady. Alex broke free from the embrace and the warmth that was there was replaced by the cold air but not for long because he placed his hand around my waist and one beneath my thighs and lifted me up. Didn't he feel disgusted, carrying someone like me, didn't he feel disgusted when he wiped off my tears.
I placed my arms around his neck to balance myself and sank my face on his chest. I didn't see where he was taking me. His cologne was strong, like a mix of cool and leather. His grip was firm but in a gentle way, not too much to hurt me.