Chapter 65: American-Style Birth Charts
The Bar
"Is that appropriate?" Adam asked.
He caught himself leaning back instinctively, then remembered where he was. Monica was Monica — competitive, loud, fiercely warm underneath all of it. She wasn't trying to catch him off guard. She just genuinely wanted a roommate and had spotted an obvious solution.
"It's perfect!" Monica crossed her arms, beaming. "Welcome, future roommate!"
Adam thought about it for exactly three seconds.
"Okay," he said. "Deal."
It wasn't about Monica specifically. It was about the geometry of the situation. These six people — Monica, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe — orbited around a specific center of gravity, and that center was Monica.
She was Ross's sister. She was Rachel's best friend from high school. She'd been Phoebe's roommate. She was the unofficial anchor who held the whole group together without anyone fully acknowledging it. If Adam wanted to be genuinely part of this circle rather than a periodic visitor, becoming Monica's roommate was the most direct route available.
It was temporary, of course. He was aware of Monica's particular relationship with cleanliness, order, and control. It was manageable in small doses. Whether it would remain manageable long-term was a question he'd answer later.
For now: practical decision, clear upside, minimal downside.
"Oh, come on," Joey groaned from across the table. "How come that option wasn't available to me?"
"Because you chose me," Chandler said. "Voluntarily. You remember this."
Monica's expression shifted briefly as a memory crossed her face — something about Joey's first visit to the apartment — and then settled back into satisfaction.
"I'd have chosen Adam too," Phoebe said cheerfully.
"Why?!" Joey looked genuinely offended.
"It's simple," Phoebe said, sitting forward with the authority of someone about to deliver scientific findings. "Hold out your hand. Now bend your pinky, ring finger, and middle finger."
The table looked at each other. Then, with the collective curiosity of people who knew Phoebe well enough to play along, everyone complied. The result was a hand gesture that meant something specific.
"See?" Phoebe pulled the nearest two hands together for visual comparison.
"Phoebe!" Monica said, half laughing, half genuinely flustered. She leaned close to Phoebe's ear. "Is that actually true?"
"Science doesn't lie," Phoebe said serenely.
Ross looked at the informal rankings the exercise had produced, looked at his own result, and said with barely contained dignity, "Can I use a different finger?"
"Would it change anything?" Phoebe replied.
Ross gave her a long look and said nothing.
"I'm actually impressed by this," Joey said, studying his own hand with new respect. He'd landed somewhere in the middle of the unofficial rankings and had no complaints. "If I'd known science was this interesting I might have stayed in school."
"If you'd wanted to stay in school," Chandler said, "you'd be a scientist right now."
"Only in America," Adam said, shaking his head with a laugh.
He vaguely remembered this particular informal measurement system circulating in popular culture in his previous life. He hadn't known it had originated here. On reflection, it made complete sense. Direct, completely uncomplicated, utterly unashamed about what it was measuring.
"This is nonsense," Ross said. "Scientists don't actually spend their time on this."
His tone was undermined slightly by the fact that he'd participated without being asked.
"I've got it," Joey announced, slapping the table. "We should all go to the bathroom together and settle this properly. Then we'd know for certain."
"No," said Adam, Ross, and Chandler, in perfect unison.
"I support Joey," Phoebe said immediately, clapping. "Monica and I would like a full report. It would help us make better decisions going forward."
Monica smiled beside her with an expression that was simultaneously awkward and intrigued.
Ross stood up, straightening his jacket with the composure of a man reclaiming his dignity. "I actually have to go. Carol's been in a much better mood lately — she's been going to the gym, making friends there, getting out more. I think it's finally working." He smiled. "I want to surprise her tonight."
"That's so sweet," Monica and Phoebe said together.
"Someone's having a good night," Joey said, pointing at Ross with a grin.
"What brings happiness to a marriage," Ross said, with measured authority, "is sustained emotional investment and consistent communication. Not hand gestures."
"You used to love your hands the most," Chandler said seriously. "I'm only saying what I witnessed."
The table collapsed.
Ross looked at all of them, expression dark, then turned and walked out.
His step was noticeably lighter than his face suggested. He and Carol had been distant for a while. Tonight, he'd decided, was going to be different.
He was a doctor. He had plans. He was ready.
End of Chapter 65
[500 PS unlocks 1 Extra Chapter]
[10 Reviews unlock 1 Extra Chapter]
Thanks for reading—reviews are appreciated.
P1treon Soulforger has 20+advance chapters