Midnight Dream – Chapter 4
The next morning came faster than I wanted it to.
Not because I was ready...
but because I just wanted it to be over.
I wanted to get this thing that was living inside of me out once and for all.
I got up, got ready, and headed to the free clinic for the procedure.
Look at me.
I dreamed of my life being happy, peaceful, in the arms of a man who truly loved me.
Instead, I'm here... living in fear.
Not knowing when he will show up again to take another piece of me.
I can't even focus anymore.
No interest in school.
No interest in friendships.
I feel like something no one wants.
This man has taken everything from me.
My body.
My virginity.
My baby.
My life.
I stay in my head all the time because it's the only place that understands me.
It's the only place helping me fight the demons that surround me every day... telling me to burn everything down and sit in the flames.
My mental health isn't just gone.
It's numb.
After the procedure, Miss Pretty pulled me to the side and gave me a talk I had never received before... but needed.
"I don't know what you're going through," she said softly, "but when I look into your eyes, I see a little girl who is scared. I see fear and pain like no other."
She paused.
"I know you won't tell me what really happened, but I want you to know I have a program for girls who have been abused. You are welcome to come. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to."
I looked up at her, my eyes filled with tears.
I didn't say anything.
But she knew.
I left the clinic and started heading toward school... as if I even cared about going.
Instead, I skipped and went to the park.
I needed a clear mind.
I was dealing with too much, and I felt like I was going to explode.
I started shouting.
Yelling.
Crying.
I looked up and spoke to God.
"I don't know you... we've never talked before... but I'm asking you, please, if you're not busy... stop here. Stop here and help me."
My voice cracked.
"I know I'm nothing. I know I'm not the best, but I promise I'll change. I promise I'll be good if you just help me."
Tears fell harder.
"I can't do this by myself. Mama doesn't care about me. I have no one... no family, no friends... no one to talk to. I'm asking you... please help me."
I fell to the ground and cried until my eyes were swollen.
After a while, I sat there in silence.
Just thinking.
I told myself something that day.
I will never let this break me.
I will survive... even if it kills me trying.
I thought back to the doctor's office.
I couldn't even process what Miss Pretty was saying at the time.
It felt like she was talking to a wall.
After a few hours, I finally went home.
And there they were.
My sister... and her husband.
Sitting at the table with Mama, eating dinner like everything was normal.
"Hey sis, where have you been?" she asked.
"Nowhere important," I said.
Mama looked up at me, her eyes full of curiosity.
"Well, where have you been, Miss Nowhere?" she asked.
"I was at the library. I had to study for a big test coming up," I replied.
She laughed.
That same cold, mysterious laugh.
"Since when do you care about school?" she said. "I got a call today saying you weren't there. Not like I care, but if you're going to waste your life, don't give them my number like it matters."
"Noted," I said.
I ate and went upstairs.
To my room.
To my thoughts.
One thing that always stayed in my mind was what he said.
"I'm watching you."
That alone put tension in my body.
I barely sleep.
I can barely think.
I'm all over the place.
So I took time off from school.
Because I needed a break.
That day didn't just take something from me...
It changed me.
And I never went back to who I used to be.