Walking aimlessly step by step, through an endless expanse of snow, illuminated only by the faint light of street lights and the red, unfeeling glow above. With every step, a trace was left behind; the snow under his feet pressed together to form a thicker, stronger layer of snow.
Walking in a cross form to pass the time, staring down towards my feet, lost deep in thought. Feeling the drizzle of snow rain down upon me, I assess my surroundings.
To the right, nothing but tall buildings covered by a thick layer of snow could be seen; to the left, a deep canyon, the Abyss, stood, and if one fell in, it would be a quick, maybe painless, death.
Truthfully, I could not tell, I neither know what is down there nor do I want to. Looking towards the abyss, one could not help but notice there were no railings, nothing to prevent people from falling in; it was to the point that one started wondering whether that was the original intention.
The lights weren't illuminating the surroundings properly, making it even more difficult than usual to see and distinguish what lay beyond, sight impaired by the storm, lit only by the few street lamps, glowing dimmer than they would during the day, and the black hole above, its faint red glow ever present, yet never enough.
This was thanks to a sort of attempt to imitate the day and night cycle that had never graced these lands. Why did people put so much effort into such useless things? For comfort? To remind us of our Origins? Or maybe for a more practical reason, like saving energy?
All of this was a mystery to me. Caring about it wasn't a particular habit of mine, yet whenever I saw something, my brain always tried to explain it logically, a quirk from my childhood. It was an annoying, yet certainly useful, habit of mine. What I want to know now aren't these pointless questions? What I want to understand is this feeling. The feeling of being on the brink of understanding, on the brink of grasping the source of worry and discomfort, yet at the same time being so far away.
It was as if there was something in the corner of my eye, just out of reach. It might not give all the answers, but it certainly has to bring me closer.
Continuing onward through all of this, he took a look towards the watch of sorts that had found its way onto his arm.
It was counting down: 1:13:47, 1:13:46, 1:13:45.
He had already been outside for a considerable time.
Expression growing complicated at the thought of how little control I have over my life, over what I want to do, or, in this case, over where I want to be.
This wasn't new to him; the restrictions had simply changed form.
Back in the outskirts, the control he was sentenced to servitude under was the need for food and other necessities, through which people like him were controlled and supervised. If one didn't adapt and accept the system, one would simply starve to death, thereby controlling the Outskirts rats through resources.
Now, the only difference was that the control had evolved to a different nature. What it entailed, he did not yet know. At the end of the day, everyone was a slave to something; no one was truly free. So this didn't change anything for Nox, and yet he still felt conflicted about it. Even when humans understood something, they might still crave change irrationally; this was simply... human nature, his nature.
If something followed after their cravings, desire, and will, well, that was a far bigger question. Nox didn't even attempt to solve the likes of.
Walking at the edge of the Abyss, Noctis stared into it with unexplainable... longing?
Noticing something break him out of his daze, Noctis readjusts his attention towards the front, the direction he was walking towards.
In the distance, a female silhouette could be seen.
As he slowly trotted closer, more and more features could be distinguished. She was standing at the edge of the abyss. Seemingly staring down it with a soulless expression, motionless, with long blond hair gliding softly in the cold winter breeze. A similar puffy jacket to what Noctis was wearing, covering her body from sight.
What is she doing?
As if in slow motion, she was taking a step forward, where there was nothing but an abyssal fall waiting.
Hurrying his steps, from a simple jog to all-out running.
Noctis was no longer far away, clearly seeing the person walking towards the edge.
"Siana, what are you doing!"
Shouting with all his might, closing in on her hastily.
Finally noticing him, the girl didn't turn her head, moving forward without caring about the noise around her.
Feeling gravity pull her down towards the never-ending darkness of the abyss, a concoction of feelings washed over her: fear, despair... relief maybe?
But she did not fall for long; looking up, she saw a hand grasping her arm tightly, a loud panting encompassing it above.
Feeling a pulling motion, her body was torn upward as she flew over the man who was holding her.
"Fump"
Roughly hitting the ground, Siana lay there motionless, with her arms spread out, anger and confusion flashing past her eyes before a detached expression replaced them.
Lying there silently side by side for a while, catching his breath, Nox slowly sat up, looking toward her.
Asking Shakely, still taking deep breaths, "Why... did you... Do that?"
Not reacting for a few moments, she turned her head slowly.
"Why should I not?" she answered in a flat tone, leaving Nox speechless.
Shaking his head in bewilderment.
"I'm not sure what has led you here, and to this point, but..."
Interjecting his words.
"I should live on, life has so much to give, one can always start anew?"
Pausing for a moment, letting her words sink in.
"Such words are meaningless. Dont you think I have already thought about my situation thoroughly? This is the best way forward."
Speaking in such a nonchalant, detached way, as if this had nothing to do with her life and death, as if it was all the same in the end, sending shivers down Noctis's spine.
"Or do you believe a person who has lost everything, worth living for, should continue living nevertheless?"
Truly having no answers to any of her questions, once again cursing himself inwardly for his lack of answers, Noctis forced out, hypocrisy hidden within his words.
"How can you have nothing worth living for, when life itself is worth living?"
Seeing a slight change in her expression, Noctis continued, judging himself inwardly for saying something he himself was unsure if he truly believed.
"You might not want to speak about your personal affairs with a total stranger. But if you are ready, I'd be willing to listen."
Not getting a response or any readable reaction, he tried to lighten up the mood tactfully, in an attempt to get something, anything really.
"I once read in a book about psychology that it is easier to open up if one knows the things of the other, so here I go: How you already know my name is Noctis Raveth, I'm an orphan since the age of 14, and have no siblings, and I despise little imps since a few days ago, oh and I belive people call me Nox these days, well atleast one person does. So how about you?" Saying all of this in a slightly exaggerated tone, trying to distract Siana as much as possible from whatever it was that haunted her.
Slowly sitting up bit by bit, she hugged her knees, hiding her face beneath them.
Hugging her knees tightly, she spoke in a tone as if what she was talking about didn't have anything to do with her:
"Do you know, when a Concept fragment descends and connects with a human, that doesn't always lead to the creation of an Authority holder; in fact, most of the time it doesn't lead to one."
Internally surprised by the sudden change of topics, Noctis decided to simply wait for her to elaborate. Of course, he was uncertain whether this was going anywhere, given her mental state; however, he had an ominous feeling that she was taking it somewhere.
Thinking back, he had asked himself a few questions in that direction when first arriving at the academy, to be precise, why most of the students were of the same age.
"The most common reasons for this are that the person isn't compatible with the fragment or that the body isn't strong enough to take in the Authority... So what do you think happens when either of these is the case, and a fragment collides with someone like that? ...
Hearing this, Noctis began forming multiple conjectures in his mind, and all of them had some ominous implications, but before he could expand on them...
Wearing an extremely empty expression, she continued her voice, no longer able to conceale her emotions entirely. "The fragment will enter the person, and in seconds, their body will start falling apart. First, blood streams out of all orifices, then the skin starts slowly peeling off until it falls to the ground, organes splatering all over, in the end nothing but a puddle of blood, flesh, and a few protruding bones remaining, and worst of all, while the entire process, one hears this awful, awful screaming and pleading for help." starting to scratch at her skinn leaving visible marks.
Trying to hold her arm to stop her from harming herself, she pushed the hand away, and now with a madened wide smile plastered across her face, she yelled, "And then imagine that fragment coming towards you, only for your own Mother to shield you and experience the same fate as your father did before, only for that very same fragment to be called a blessing by some inspector!
I have nothing left to live for, and being expected to nurture and use the thing that killed my entire family just to survive!!"
Tears and snot running down her face, she was now wearing a distorted expression of sadness and hatred, her face no longer hidden behind her knees, all her conflicting emotions out in the open.
"So tell me, is life really worth living, now that there is nothing worth living for?!"
After a few seconds of contemplation, Nox couldn't help but empathize with the poor girl and put himself in her place. If I had lost everything from one moment to the next, in such a gruesome way, I dont believe I would be in a much better state of mind. Suddenly, he had a question on my mind.
Asking in a careful tone, not wanting to seriously disturb her already erratic mental state, hidden within his words, a worm of doubt dug its way in." But wouldn't killing yourself make your mother's sacrifice completely useless? Would your loved ones truly want you to live in such suffering?"
Being taken aback for a moment, she cried out, suddenly. "Her sacrifice was useless anyway. If she hadn't thrown herself before me, she would still be alive, and... I would as well!" Saying the latter part in a quiet, wimpering tone.
Not being able to do much more, Nox decided to give her some last words before letting her decide her own fate, to let her come to her own conclusion. "Her sacrifice might not have changed the outcome, but it did show that she wanted you to live. Didn't it? Wouldn't you be spitting on her grave with such actions? I do not believe that I have the right to interfere, so I won't do so anymore. Just please do think carefully before doing something you cannot undo."
Lying down on the cold concrete floor, Nox simply waited for her to decide, ready to intervene if anything went wrong. first ten, then 20, then 45 minutes, until a sound alert could be heard.
Assuming it came from my band, I look down and see I still have a little less than 30 minutes left, and the alert wasn't coming from me. Looking towards Siana, I see her staring at her band, brought out of her stupor by the sound it made.
She started standing up and wandering back towards the government facility. Leaving me with the parting words "I-I'll think about it... and.. Thank you."
Watching her departing figure, from the corner of his eye, still lying in the snow, Nox let out a sigh of relief, letting out all of the pent-up stress that had built up over the duration of this interaction and the past few days, which had subconsciously accumulated.
Now, having a much clearer state of mind, Nox noticed that a part of the feeling in the back of his mind had disappeared.
Thinking back, how did it come to this?
An inexplicable feeling led me outside, where I discovered her, and after resolving the predicament, it partially disappeared.
As far as I'm aware, such feelings dont come out of the blue. They are normally accumulations of things one has consciously or subconsciously taken in over time. Like when you think someone is lying, not because what they are telling you is unbelievable, but because you noticed some suspicious behavior from them, and your subconscious is warning you.
But that wouldn't make any sense in this case. I noticed her gloomy attitude, yes, but I couldn't have known out of intuition alone that she would be here and that she was planning to kill herself now.
It just doesn't make sense.
Is my ability some kind of intuition?
No, that doesn't seem right.
Feeling a snowflake glide onto his face, its brethren soon to descend, he finally noticed the cold creeping through his jacket and decided to head back as well.
I should just make sure I dont encounter Siana right away; that would be crazily awkward. Letting out a slight chuckle at his musings, he closed his eyes for a second, enjoying the silence of his mind, for a few more breaths.