Raven couldn't see anything. It's just pitch black everywhere she looked. She didn't know if her eyes were actually open or if she couldn't open her eyes. She couldn't feel any part of her body responding to her. It's like she doesn't have any arms or legs or they just aren't or couldn't respond to the command her mind is trying to convey to her body. It's terrifying, it's like knowing you have a body but you cant feel anything. You cant feel your body or your surroundings. It doesn't feel like she's still in the water, she would have felt the water around her body at least. Or felt the cold of the water.
Raven knew the water is supposed to be cold since she felt how cold the water was before she was forced to close her eyes. She didn't even try to keep her eyes open, she knew how much the salty ocean water stung when it got into your eyes.
There were no sounds. No waves, no screams from people. No crying either, if she is a soul, Raven thought that it would have been nice to hear any cries or prayers for her soul to get into heaven or something like that. "I mean let's face it I wont be getting into heaven no matter how many people pray for my soul. Not with the amount of BL and GL and the smut I've read. If everything on the bible is true then my soul is damned" Raven ponders over where her soul may go. She tries to remember any serious sin she may have committed over her life. "Other than trying to ship my boss and his chauffer I don't think I've committed any heavy sins" She thought, "It was a dark day to be a fan of BL." She reminisced the days when her favorite BL story finished and the author kept spamming updates of what their future life would have been only to find out that the one handling the story and updates were the author's friend and the last update was a message to the author's fans. "Keep your imaginations free, let it out and go wild, who knows what kind of stories you guys can come up with..... was the last message of the author... but I think I let my imagination go too wild"
She was trying to take her mind off of the situation she is currently in but it's getting harder and harder to not panic and to not cry. The fear of being alone is nothing compared to what she was experiencing now. She didn't know where she is, she doesn't know if she's actually dead or if she's still alive. She doesn't know what she can do or if there's anything she can do. She can't speak out loud, she cant hear anything, and it feels like her thoughts are becoming louder but also getting smaller as if she, herself is fading from existence. Maybe she has faded and she was nothing but her remaining thoughts now or maybe she's fading right now and thinking louder and faster is going to consume what's left of her.
Raven tried to keep her mind on more positive things but it was difficult to do so when nothing in her surroundings are helping. She had no surroundings.
Raven suddenly felt herself be pulled back, like her soul was yanked from her stomach and it felt like she was being pushed into something so cramped that it hurt. She tried to struggle free from the space or force but she couldn't get free. It felt like multiple arms were trying to pull her deeper into the cramped space. Like the arms were forcing her soul to conform to the cramped space. It was agonizing and so tiring, too tiring. Raven couldn't hold on anymore and couldn't fight the force or arms. "If I'm dying again, I hope I can forget about this pain and actually be in heaven or hell, I'll gladly take either one at this point" She thought as the last of her consciousness left her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0.0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blinding light was what woke Raven up. It hurt again and the light just made her close her eyes even more. Wait... eyes?! She has eyes?!!!
Raven felt excitement at first, but then she became hesitant as she tried to organize her consciousness.
"Okay first things first, I can feel that I have eyelids and the light has become bright enough that its coming though my closed eyes and it seems like red light now. Second I can feel that I have a body not just a head with eyes and eyelids. I can feel arms and legs but my body doesn't feel right, something feels off. Not the "I almost died jumping from a cliff and my body's broken" off but the "My body doesn't feel like my body but at the same time it does feel like my body, but smaller?" off. Finally, it feels like my body has been through a freaking steam roller. Like a crowd just decided to pummel me with out my consent! Rude much." Raven felt like freaking out but at the same time she felt happy to have a feeling breathing body again.
Raven tried to open her eyes but it was too bright. She tried to raise her hand and cover her eyes from the light just enough so that she can see where she is and asses her situation and thankfully she was able to move her hand albeit awkwardly she was able to finally cover her eyes and she opened her eyes. What she saw shocked her, it was her hand but it was fair toned, not her caramel skin tone. This shocked her enough to sit up right all the way. She ignored the aches and pains and looked at herself instead. Her body isn't her body!
Raven was a plump brunette. She had crazy curly black hair and caramel toned skin and she also had beautiful black eyes. Raven also had a thick thighs and a belly. She knew she was chubby and she was proud of that, now though. Gone was her black hair and her caramel skin. Her belly was nowhere to be seen and her hair was no longer as curly as before it was dry and only slightly curly. It wasn't her tight small curls but big loose curls and it was red! So very red. It wasn't red like an apple red but red like a natural read head!
Raven is officially panicking. She can feel the panic rising out of her stomach and up her throat...oh It wasn't just panic it would seem....
Raven in all her glorious red headed glory up chucked whatever it was that was in her stomach. She bent over on her knees and kept vomiting her guts out. She didn't pay attention to her surroundings, she just kept vomiting until there was nothing else in her stomach. She was gasping and holding onto her stomach like it physically hurt her to breath normally.... and in all honesty it did hurt to breath.
After trying to get her stomach to stop from aching she took a few moments to breath in and try to calm herself down.
"Okay, I can feel my stomach aching and burning, probably from vomiting and this is good though, at least I can feel that I have a stomach like a normal person. Now what else can I focus on so that I don't freaking panic! Oh! The surroundings! The grass the cliff in front of me beyond what looks like a river. Wait a minute..... Cliff ?! River?! Why is it a River and not an Ocean!!!!!" Raven started panicking again. She was still on her knees and she was still holding onto her stomach. She started hyperventilating while staring ahead at the cliff. She was terrified. "This is supposed to be an ocean not a freaking river! Why is this a river?!" She kept shouting inside her mind. It was as if she was trying to make the river in front of her turn into the ocean she knew she jumped in.
"No, th-this isn't...it isn't real!! THIS ISN'T REAL!!! This was an OCEAN!" she screamed out. It was like something snapped in her mind. She got up and started running towards the cliff, she started running towards the river. She didn't care that she could be swept away by the ricers current. She didn't care that maybe, just maybe she was too tired to actually swim. She just wanted to go to the cliff and climb up if she had to, just to see, to check if her mind was playing tricks on her. It didn't matter that she could feel the grass beneath her feet, nor did it matter that she could still feel pain all over her body.
The reality is that she already realized what has happened to her. She knows but she doesn't accept it, she couldn't. "My life may have been shitty, but it was a life I worked hard for. I worked hard to collect all my manga and I worked hard to deserve the promotion I got last year. I worked hard to get my own apartment so that I don't have to hear my mother's voice asking for money so early in the gosh darn morning. I worked hard to have my somewhat peaceful life!... I worked hard" She whispered the last three words to herself as the water of the River came up to her nose. Just one more step and she would be plunged into the water completely. She could feel the edge of what seems like a steep drop. Her toes were already hanging off of it. Just one more step.
Raven just stopped walking, she stopped altogether. She couldn't die again. She didn't WANT to die again. It hurt like hell to drown. The water entering her lungs when she couldn't hold her breath anymore. The bump to her head hurt to much and it may have been too much of an impact for her back then. She couldn't see clearly and she didn't know which way was up and which way was down. She knew what happened to her before everything went dark but she couldn't bring herself to think about her death, because it meant that she acknowledged it. That her life back then as Raven was no more.
Now standing at the edge of something, being almost fully submerged in the river made her think. It made her think of the pain of death. It made her think if she was strong enough to cross the river. It made her think of fear. She wondered why she didn't fear the water. She wondered why the thing she feared most was being here. She feared the present rather than the water. She feared what she realized earlier. Of what happened to her body, of the changes, could she even claim it as hers?
A rock falling from the edge of the cliff woke her from her thoughts. She jolted awake and saw the cliff, it was right there just a few strokes and she could reach the side of the cliff and try to climb it. She turned back after staring at it. She swam paddled back to the river bank and walked back to where she vomited. It was farther than she thought it was.
Once she was close enough she was able to see it. It was a bag, a satchel really. It was pretty. It had, what looked to be tribal designs weaved into it. Raven picked up the bag or she tried to. It was too heavy or she was just too tired. So she scooted away from her vomit space and sat down. She didn't immediately open the bag, she gathered her thoughts first. She needed enough courage to face the truth and now she needs more because right here in her hands is the proof.
The proof that She isn't herself anymore.