I wanted a larger target. Someone bigger, better, more impactful than the small fry that I was targeting.
"And who will that be?" I said to my friend.
He wasn't really a friend, just a small skull that I had gotten from a mysterious source that totally wasn't malicious.
"I don't know what I want," I said. "There is much fun, isn't there? What can I do? Everything is so godly boring in this world. I know, I know. I'm just bored because there's no one as smart as me out there. But really—can't God, like, you know, just make someone? Why can't she just do that? What do you think, Skelly?"
Skelly nodded.
Spinning around in my chair and staring at my bulletin board, I realized that my villain list was getting a bit low. I could go digging through the official UHA channels, but where would the fun be in that? It would be too trivial for a person such as myself.
I wanted another King rank super next. White Thunder had been too easy. There had been no complications in dealing with his sorry butt. Hmmm….
"What do you think about going snooping?" I asked Skelly.
He nodded again.
"Great idea!" I said.
I would go through snooping through a King Rank's house. Not suspiciously, maliciously, or any -ly, but in a kind, helpful way. I could choose any…
I waved my finger around, looking through the list.
"I got it!" I shouted. I threw Mr. Skelly in the air, and his jaws clapped together.
"We can hunt for Mr. Sacred Knight," I said. "A perfect target."
***
Captain Vermila, Firefly, strode through the streets, anger riding on her shoulders. There was nothing more infuriating than having to deal with these supers.
Ahead of her, Sacred Knight, silver hair flowing across his armor, was speaking to her superiors before his home. He had a chiseled chin, one that seemed impeccably crafted, and a great smile that flashed at anyone who would look at him. He was kind, gentle, valiant—and overall, an idiot.
"Ms. Firefly!" he said, turning around. Her superior, Mr. Z, turned around as well. "Thank you for coming. Really, it didn't have to be this way." He smiled, his teeth a shining white.
"No problem, Sacred Knight," Vermila forced herself to say. At least she had called her by her super name. "Is there anything else you wanted?" she finished sweetly.
"No, no," he said. "I wouldn't want to bother the UHA further. This was overkill in the first place. I am bulletproof, you know?" He smiled again. That smile.
"If you have any more problems, don't be afraid to ask me," she said.
"Yes, yes, of course."
As Vermila turned away, Mr. Z returned to talking to Sacred Knight. A black mask and suit covered his recognizable features—he was supposedly a high Unique rank, a retired super. Now he worked for the UHA, making her slave away at his own tasks.
As she returned to her car, she looked around at the gaudy mansion. White pillars and ornate floral decorations, bathing angels and violet-blue lilies, covered the space.
The villain they were searching for, the Hanged Man, as he called himself, wouldn't target a place like this. He had killed White Thunder, but the man had been revealed a fraud, a cheat. A lucky turn of fate for the UHA, able to cover it up with the villain's news.
His power was yet to be figured out. The UHA investigators had figured from the videos and the livestream that it had something to do with his eyes.
But Sacred Knight was different. A super, one of the first to be discovered after the Nights of Disaster. A bulletproof body, high-level flight. As close to a Supreme Rank as a King could get. The UHA had come here not only to protect the place and make sure everything was safe, but also to confirm their background checks were correct. They didn't want another situation like White Thunder. Of course, everything had been in order.
This so-called Hanged Man wouldn't dare attack Sacred Knight. He would die instantly.
Vermila turned around and began to order the rest of her team to clean up. Her team in black UHA uniforms began to file out of the mansion, returning to patrol cars. Lights and cameras were taken down, and the rest of the supplies they bought were returned to black boxes. Sacred Knight returned to his home.
As Vermila turned to her own car, opening the door so as to enter, she stopped.
With one foot in the car, she spotted a black UHA uniform in the distance. Covered by a brush of flowers and a maze of ornate statues, the figure was dim—but Vermila clearly saw a figure running through the garden. The dot bounded over plants and seemed to crawl over a small foundation wall.
Impossible, she thought. This villain can't be this idiotic. At least Sacred Knight is just innocent. What level of stupidity is this? In broad daylight?
Vermila shut off her car and walked toward the distant figure.
Probably just a team member who got lost.
***
The Hanged Man is never lost, I thought to myself. I looked left. A small baby statue greeted me with a cracked stone smile. I looked to the right. Another god-forsaken maze of bushes.
I totally knew where I was going. Instead of going left or right, I had a great idea.
With a simple run-up, I bounded over a small stone wall. The peaks of the mansion could be spotted just over it. I wasn't lost—this was just a shortcut, that's all.
I tugged at the UHA uniform. Made of cheap, worn cotton, for that was all they could afford. It had served its purpose, though, allowing me to sneak into the mansion along with the rest. Just a coincidence that they had come at the same time as me. It gave me a good cover for sneaking in, a good challenge.
Jumping over two more sets of walls, elegantly and without falling on my face once and bashing my hand into a statue and breaking its elegant leg—I made it to the back door of the mansion.
Shaking off the traces of dust and leaves, I tested the open door, jiggling the handle. I jumped back. Nothing happened. Of course I knew that. I opened the door calmly, entering the mansion.
The inside was as opulent and glamorous as its garden, built like a Roman temple. It seemed less like a home and more of a violent gargle of white architecture that a visionary had thrown up onto the ground. Terrible really. My underground villain lair was far superior.
I walked around, hands behind my back, looking through each nook and cranny for information. I could use my power—but again, where was the fun in that? I wasn't some regular villain. I was the Hanged Man. My power was boundless, my intelligence without equal. I could find some dirt on this guy.
As I walked, I glanced behind me to see if I missed anything. Other than the drifting leaves of a potted plant in the distance, nothing caught my attention.
Carefully, I walked through the entire mansion. Room after room, paintings, tapestries, statues, and gold, gold, and more gold was what I found. I knew that this Sacred Knight was in his room with my power. He was sleeping, it seemed.
I glanced over a large, peculiar painting in the west wing that stretched over a wide hall. Maybe he was one of those peculiars who hid their valuables behind paintings. Not that I would do that, of course. But maybe. Placing a hand on my chin, I began to slowly inspect the edges of the gilded canvas. When I glanced up, I met the eyes of a dying villain who was being pierced by a heroic golden hand of the Golden Savior of the US on the painting.
"What are you looking at?" I said to the painting. His eyes were wide, pierced with pain. I returned to touching the edges of the painting.
But behind me, I heard a yelp.
"Drop—drop your weapon!" a voice thundered.
What? There was someone behind me?
I turned around. Through my blindfold, I saw a UHA uniform. On closer inspection, I knew she was a captain.
My luck. How had I not noticed it?
I used my power.
My eyes burned, and her information flew over my eyes on a screen.
Captain Vermila
UHA New London
Team 5, 6
Firefly
Firefly? A super than. The power to control light with her fingers. What she could light up with those fingers, I didn't know.
"Hello, Captain Vermila," I said with the swagger of a total gentleman. I was one, after all.
"How did you find me?" she said.
"Find you? It was easy, easy, of course."
God—I was talking to the painting, not here. But it was better this way.
"You are the Hanged Man?" she asked.
"No, I'm not," I replied. "Do I look like the Hanged Man?"
She was shocked when I said no, and paused for a second, looking me up and down.
"You are the Hanged Man," she said.
"Then why did you ask?"
"I-I don't know. It doesn't matter. Put your hands up and surrender. You do realize you are in the house, Sacred Knight, don't you? In front of me, Firefly? I—"
"Firefly? But I've never heard of you?" I laughed. Internally of course. It would be weird if I began laughing out of nowhere, all of a sudden between sentences that weren't funny at all. Who would do such a thing?
But she was right after all. Not about the surrender part, but about the Sacred Knight part. If she called out to him—I would not be able to escape. My power had its limits after all. Without proper planning, putting down this super was impossible.
I used my power as I heard this Captain Vermila shout at me. She liked to shout a lot, this person. The lungs on her.
"I am Firefly! I am a Unique ranked super, do you hear me? I am a captain of the UHA! I blah blah and the blah blah—"
You hear this?
Whatever.
I began to inch closer toward a small chest, where I had used my power to spot a metal hatchet. Why was there a metal hatchet? I don't know. But then again, why is it metal? Why was I here? What is our purpose? Why do we live? What exists beyond the impossible, possible existence of the universe that has nothing but space dust but created creatures whose minds can create God?
I don't know, nor do I care.
As I moved toward the chest, she was still talking about her exploits and position in the UHA. By the time I was close, she had almost finished her monologue, which I will spare the word length of this chapter in putting here.
"—I will not! Do you understand?" she finished, catching her breath.
"Yes, yes, I understand to the fullest," I said. "I am going to surrender. I understand you, magnanimous, all-encompassing, perspicacious, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious power."
"That's right," she said. "Come here." From her pocket, she pulled out a pair of handcuffs.
"Wait—but how do I know you're not trying to trick me?" I said. "For all I know, Sacred Knight is standing just behind you, waiting to capture me and kill me and torture me."
"What? That's absurd. If he were here, he would have captured you immediately. I can call him now. But—"
"But?"
She shook her head. "Come here."
"Alright." I began to walk forward. As her expression relaxed, however, I burst forward, grabbing the metal hatchet out of the drawer, before swinging it around to her head.
She screamed, falling to the floor, as the hatchet's head passed over.
But her hand hadn't gone out of the way in time.
With a vicious, crackling sound of bone, and blood bursting across the way, her hand fell to the ground. She looked at the hand. I looked to the hand.
She did not scream, nor did she begin to cry. Instead, Captain Vermila began to flashback.
"I used to be bullied, you know," she said. "I had no friends. Nothing in life. When I—"
I began to run away because I saw Sacred Knight awakening in his room.
"Come back here!" she screamed. She raised her bloody stump as though wanting to use her gift, but nothing came out.
The last I saw of her was her immobile form looking down at her hand as I jumped through a window and out into the god-fricking-annoying, no-good, son of a something maze that was the garden.