"Rock bands... sigh... there's never been a sane bastard among those who play rock..."
Akashiya Sanma, the famous Japanese comedian, sat in a chair on the studio set, letting out a heavy sigh.
As the MC of the music variety show 'SONGS,' he knew all too well how arrogant these self-proclaimed rock bands—born in the wake of the Enfants Terribles syndrome—could be. Recently, 'SONGS' had been frequently inviting rock bands in a desperate attempt to stop their plummeting viewership ratings.
Akashiya Sanma couldn't help but recall a traumatic incident from a month ago. The broadcast featuring a band called 'Couch,' who were supposedly enjoying massive popularity in the indie scene, had been a literal nightmare.
[Hey, old man? Isn't your hair thinning a bit too much? You should go get a hair transplant.]
[Huh? Are you actually mad about that? Did your patience fall out along with your hair? Lololol.]
[Oi! You don't even need a hat, old man. There's nothing left to lose!]
To be honest, the talk segment while they were supposed to be cooking was a total mess, but the live performance afterward was a literal descent into hell.
[Why is the sound system such garbage? You want us to pull an Enfants Terribles and wreck the place?]
Nipping at the sound equipment before a live performance had become something of a tradition for the bands influenced by the wake of Enfants Terribles' chaotic reputation, so he could have let that slide.
He could have ignored it—right up until they dropped their pants. It was a blessing it hadn't been a live broadcast; if it were, his workplace, 'SONGS,' would have been wiped off the airwaves.
He had spent a massive casting fee to bring in these so-called stars of the indie scene, only to have them nearly get the program canceled.
"Sanma-san, Enfants Terribles are the originals of those rascals we've been dealing with. You absolutely must not get on their bad side. I'm begging you."
"I have to be careful... 'SONGS' is my livelihood, after all..."
The rebellious streak of Enfants Terribles was world-class, fitting for stars of the globalization era. At the very least, there wasn't a soul in Japan who hadn't seen them beating up reporters or flipping the bird at any given opportunity.
In private, they had never actually caused a major scandal, but a fixed public image isn't something that fades easily. No matter how difficult it was, he had to cater to their whims.
'I'm a pro. I have to endure this much if I don't want to end up unemployed.'
He steeled his resolve as he waited for Enfants Terribles to arrive.
"They're here!! Enfants Terribles is here!"
As the silhouettes of three men began to appear in the studio, the director of the filming crew started moving frantically. It wasn't just the camera team; every department was moving with the intensity of people preparing to greet a 'Demon King.'
'The... the muscles...'
Akashiya Sanma's jaw dropped when he saw the muscular Black man. The sheer size of his muscles was at a level that surpassed professional bodybuilders.
Following him was a bald man holding a bass, walking in with an arrogant scowl on his face.
"He's... handsome...?"
And the crowning stroke of Enfants Terribles' descent was a blonde, beautiful youth. The moment he appeared, he seemed to vacuum up every scattered gaze in the room.
That young man was, quite literally, a shining 'star' incarnate.
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.
.
Once the members of Enfants Terribles were fully inside the studio, the characteristically loud and boisterous BGM of Japanese variety shows began to play.
"Alright! Today's guest on 'SONGS' is the woooorrrrlld stars! Enfants Terribles!!"
"Ah, it's a pleasure to meet you."
As soon as the loud opening remarks finished, the leader of Enfants Terribles, Hide, politely offered a handshake.
'Huh...?'
Akashiya Sanma felt a sense of cognitive dissonance. Enfants Terribles were famous for being hooligans—the kind of rascals who would ruin a broadcast the moment things didn't go their way. But contrary to that image, they were incredibly gentle.
'Wait?'
Sanma, who had instinctively extended his right hand assuming Hide would do the same, was taken aback.
"Hide-san, are you left-handed?"
"If you watch me play guitar, you can tell I'm right-handed."
Then why had he offered his left hand for the handshake? Most people extend their dominant hand. If he wasn't left-handed, then why?
"Ah, it's because I heard that you, Akashiya-san, are left-handed. I usually try to match the other person when shaking hands."
Enfants Terribles were completely different from the image he had of them. They weren't rascals; they were 'gentlemen.' And the most surprising thing was that their polite attitude persisted throughout the entire filming of the program.
"Honestly, I'm quite shocked! Enfants Terribles is so famous for being troublemakers, after all!"
"Look here, old man. We're always gentlemen as long as people don't mess with us first."
Come to think of it, every time Enfants Terribles had caused a scene, it was because the other party had given them a reason to blow up. Whether it was asking a rude question or breaking a promise made to them.
"Shuji! You put capsaicin in the ramen, didn't you?"
"Leader, if you're salty about it, you should've won."
The blonde youth was currently fuming at the bald man after taking a bite of ramen.
All those others who acted like 'rock bands' were nothing but 'fakes.' Unlike those frauds, these men were actively and enthusiastically participating in the program. Enfants Terribles truly were the best rock band in the world.
Whenever 'rock bands' showed up, the broadcast never went smoothly! But today, everything was progressing perfectly.
"Akashiya-san, please try some of this. This is the protein shake ramen our Yokishi made."
"Ehh—???!!"
"Didn't you mention you were interested in working out lately?"
Akashiya Sanma had reached the point where he wanted to worship them. He had mentioned that on a broadcast weeks ago. These world-class stars had actually prepared and come ready for a mere variety show appearance.
He had expected them to be arrogant, irresponsible, and rude like other rock bands. But the Enfants Terribles he experienced in person was nothing of the sort.
For the first time in months, Akashiya Sanma was able to host the show with a genuinely happy smile.
After finishing the entire schedule, I was walking back toward my house with heavy steps. Honestly, it was hard to even call it a 'home.' Since it had been empty for months, it would surely be thick with dust, and the space itself was bound to be cold and devoid of any warmth.
'Ah... maybe I should just go to the rehearsal room...'
To me, the rehearsal room felt more like a 'home' than my actual house. Most of the memories I had built since coming to this world were made there.
"Ah, wait. I don't have my toiletries."
I turned around and started heading for the house. My plan was to quickly grab my toiletries and then head straight to the rehearsal room.
'But why are the lights on...?'
Had a thief broken in because the house was empty for so long? All sorts of thoughts raced through my head as I opened the front door, prepared to beat down an intruder.
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"Ah, Hide, you're back?? (*´∪`)"
Huh...? Why is Ai here...? No, more importantly, how did she get in?
"How did you get in here???! ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ"
When I regained my senses and looked around, the house was spotlessly clean. There was even the smell of delicious food wafting through the air.
Honestly, I was bewildered, but only then did I finally feel like I had truly returned to Japan.