I didn't realize I was holding my breath until the teacher walked in, the sound of her heels clicking against the floor snapped me back to reality, but it didn't calm the storm inside me. If anything, it made it worse. Because now I had to sit still, Pretend and act like everything was normal. Like I hadn't just seen him, like my past hadn't just walked back into my life without warning. I kept my eyes fixed on my notebook, though I wasn't writing anything. My pen hovered over the page, unmoving, as my thoughts pulled me somewhere I had tried so hard to leave behind. Back to him, back to us. Two years ago, things just felt lighter and simpler. Alexander wasn't just someone I talked to he was someone I looked forward to every single day. It started with something small, it always does. "A group assignment" we were placed together by chance, both of us clearly uninterested at first. I remember sitting across from him, arms folded, already deciding I would do most of the work myself. "You look like you regret being here," he said, watching me with an amused expression. "I do," I replied bluntly. He laughed not annoyed or offended, just entertained "Relax," he said. "I'm not useless, you know.""We'll see." That was the first time he smiled at me like that like I was a challenge he actually wanted. And that was the beginning. After that, he kept finding reasons to talk to me. At first, it was about school. Then it became about everything else, "You don't smile a lot," he pointed out one afternoon after class, we strolled down the hallway I had seen him today. "I smiled," and said "Not really," he teased. "But don't worry. I'll fix that." I rolled my eyes, yet there was a tiny shift I felt within me. Because no one had ever said that before, No one had ever noticed. Somewhere along the way, talking to him became too easy. I started waiting for his messages, Looking for him in crowded places, Noticing things I shouldn't notice like the way his voice softened when he spoke to me, or how he always walked a little slower when we were together, like he didn't want the moment to end. And then one day, everything changed. "You know I like you, right?" he said. Just like that, No warning, No build up. I stared at him, convinced I had heard wrong. "What?" He chuckled softly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I said I like you." My heart was beating so fast it felt unreal. "You're joking." "I'm not." The way he looked at me then was different. Serious, Certain, and that scared me because I felt it too. I just hadn't been brave enough to say it. For a while, it was perfect or at least it felt like it. We didn't put labels on anything, but everyone could see it. The way we stood too close, the way we always chose each other, even in a room full of people. I trusted him more than I had ever trusted anyone and that was my first mistake. The change didn't happen all at once, it crept in slowly. He started replying late then not at all, He stopped waiting for me after class, stopped noticing the little things. At first, I made excuses for him "He's just busy," I told myself, "He'll explain." But deep down, I knew something was wrong.You don't go from being everything to being nothing without a reason. The day everything fell apart, I remember feeling excited; He had told me we needed to talk. "After school," he said. "Don't leave without me." So I didn't. I waited and waited and waited. The sun started to set, and students began to leave, one by one. Still, I stayed because I believed him, I believed us. Then I heard his Laughter, I turned. And there he was standing a few feet away with her. I didn't know who she was at first. Just that she was too close. Close in a way that made me curled my fist. He was smiling at her affectionately. The same smile and affection he ones showed me. He acted like I had never mattered, like I was never in the picture. I don't remember walking away, I don't remember how I got home. All I remember was the feeling. That sharp, quiet kind of pain that doesn't scream it just settles deep inside you and stays there. He didn't call, He didn't explain, He didn't even try. And that hurt more than anything else. So I left, not just him, everything. Because staying would have meant facing the truth every day and I wasn't strong enough for that."Elena" I blinked, the classroom coming back into focus. Someone was calling my name. "You okay?" my seatmate asked, looking concerned. "Yeah," I said quickly. "I'm fine." But I wasn't. Because no matter how far I had run, No matter how much time had passed, nothing had really changed. I had seen him again and the worst part wasn't the memories, it wasn't the pain, It was the question that still didn't have an answer. Why?
