Chapter 14: The Great Laxative Incident of 2026
(Miki POV – Random 3rd Year Student)
I'm currently hiding my phone behind a stack of club flyers, and I'm pretty sure my heart is beating faster than a techno remix. I've been in this school for three years. I've seen Nagumo's rise to power, I've seen the Class B and C wars, and I've seen Manabu Horikita maintain a face of pure granite through earthquakes and exam scandals.
But I have never seen him get absolutely roasted by his own little sister.
I was recording every second of it. The way Suzune Horikita—this first-year who basically just spawned into the server—was leaning against the filing cabinet and calling the President of the Student Council a "compromised security risk" was pure gold. I could already see the headline on the private forums: ICE KING THAWED: Little Sister Brings the Heat. I'd be famous. My influence points would skyrocket.
Then, my phone vibrated in my hand. A notification popped up from an anonymous sender, but the encryption signature was unmistakably the Student Council's internal network.
FROM: Unknown
MESSAGE: Delete the recording of the Horikita siblings. All copies.
ATTACHMENT: 300,000 Private Points.
I stared at the screen. 300k points. That's enough to live like a queen for the rest of the semester. My journalistic integrity struggled for approximately 0.5 seconds before I hit 'Delete All' and 'Empty Trash.' Sorry, public forums, but Miki needs a new designer bag and high-end sushi for a month.
I deflated a little, but then the doors swung open, and Miyabi Nagumo strolled in like he owned the oxygen in the room. I immediately started a new recording. If I couldn't sell the Horikita family drama, maybe I could sell the "Battle of the Titans."
The atmosphere turned freezing. Nagumo stood there, radiant and arrogant, looking at Sunny—the silver-haired kid who's been the center of every weird rumor lately. Manabu looked like he was ready to declare martial law. Suzune looked like she was planning a murder.
And then, Sunny did the unthinkable.
His face transformed. The sharp, observant look vanished, replaced by a wide-eyed, breathless, absolutely terrifyingly intense fanboy grin.
"NO. WAY." Sunny gasped, clasping his hands together like a schoolgirl meeting her favorite idol. "Is that... is that actually him? The Golden Boy? The Legend? The man who turned the school into his own personal playground? Miyabi Nagumo?! Someone pinch me, I'm dreaming! I'm actually in the presence of greatness!"
The entire room went into a state of collective shock.
Manabu narrowed his eyes, his suspicion levels hitting a record high. Suzune let out a groan so deep it sounded like her soul was leaving her body, and she promptly slapped her forehead with a loud thwack. Akane Tachibana just stood there, blinking, her mouth hanging open.
Nagumo, to his credit, looked suspicious for exactly three seconds. But Sunny didn't stop.
"I've read all about your 'merit-based' regime, Vice Prez!" Sunny continued, practically vibrating. "The way you've revolutionized the points system? The way you treat the upper-class hierarchy like a game of high-stakes poker? It's inspiring! I've literally had dreams about being a footnote in your biography!"
You could practically see the ego-boost inflating Nagumo. He stood a little taller, his smile becoming more "benevolent king" and less "dangerous snake."
"Well," Nagumo purred, his voice dripping with self-satisfaction. "It's rare to find a first-year with such... refined taste. You have potential, Sunny-kun. Perhaps the President isn't utilizing your talents correctly. Maybe you belong in a place where ambition is actually rewarded."
"Oh, I'd be honored!" Sunny chirped. He reached into his blazer pocket. "And since I'm in the presence of royalty, I have to offer a tribute. I'm sorry, I don't have any green tea on me—Manabu drank it all, the greedy guy—but I do have these! Handmade crackers! I made them this morning while thinking about the greatness of the Student Council!"
He pulled out a small, neatly wrapped package of crackers. They looked innocent. They looked artisanal.
Nagumo, fully caught in the "High Heaven" of Sunny's praise, took the package. "Handmade? How charming. You really are a man of many talents."
Nagumo took a bite.
Suddenly, the lighting in the Student Council office seemed to change. I swear I saw golden flower petals erupting in the background. Nagumo's eyes rolled back. His expression shifted into something I can only describe as a "Food Wars" style foodgasm.
"The texture..." Nagumo whispered, his voice trembling. "The way the salt hits the palate, followed by a mysterious, earthy undertone... It's like standing in a field of wheat while a gentle summer breeze carries the scent of ancient minerals... It's... it's divine!"
He proceeded to inhale the remaining crackers in under sixty seconds, looking like he was having a religious experience.
But then, the field of wheat caught fire.
Nagumo's face didn't just change; it collapsed. His "benevolent king" smile turned into a grimace of pure, unadulterated terror. He clutched his stomach, his knuckles turning white. A bead of cold sweat rolled down his temple.
"I... I must..." Nagumo wheezed, his eyes darting frantically toward the door. "Excuse me. A sudden... administrative emergency... requires my immediate... presence."
He didn't walk out. He bolted. I've never seen a human being move that fast toward the Student Council toilet.
Sunny looked at his non-existent watch, his expression turning cold and business-like.
"Alright, folks," Sunny said, his voice flat. "This area is about to become a level-four biohazard. We have approximately thirty seconds before the air quality drops below the legal limit for human survival. Time for a family meeting."
Before anyone could protest, Sunny moved.
It was a feat of physical strength that made no sense. He grabbed Suzune by the waist and tucked her under his left arm like a surfboard. He grabbed Akane with his right hand, throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. And then, he somehow maneuvered his way behind Manabu, hoisted the President of the Student Council into a fireman's carry, and sprinted out of the room with all three of them.
I just sat there, phone still recording, as the door slammed shut.
A moment later, I heard a sound from the bathroom that will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.
(Suzune POV)
One moment, I was watching Nagumo sprint for his dignity. The next, the world turned upside down.
I felt a massive, solid arm wrap around my waist. The air was knocked out of me as I was hoisted into the air. I saw Akane's legs swinging near my face, and I heard my brother let out a very un-Presidential "Gah!" as we were all physically relocated at high speed.
"SUNNY! PUT ME DOWN!" I screamed, my voice muffled by his blazer.
He didn't stop until we were ten yards down the hallway, well away from the Student Council office. He dropped us all with a suddenness that left us staggering.
In the chaos of being "delivered," I felt his hand graze—no, firmly grip—something it definitely shouldn't have.
"OOPS!" Sunny shouted, jumping back as I regained my footing. "Sorry, Suzu! Hand placement is hard when you're carrying three people and a whole lot of biological weapons!"
"YOU ABSOLUTE—"
I didn't finish the sentence. I delivered a "Fist of Love" directly to the top of his head. THUD.
"OW! My brain cells! They're dying in the line of duty!" Sunny wailed, clutching his skull.
"What is wrong with you?!" I hissed, smoothing my uniform and trying to ignore the heat in my face. "You just kidnapped the President and the Secretary! And you... you assaulted me!"
"I SAVED you!" Sunny argued, pointing back toward the office door. "Brother-in-law, don't just stand there looking handsome! Help me lock this door! We need to seal the blast zone! If that smell escapes, this entire wing of the school is going to be condemned by the health department!"
Manabu was currently leaning against the wall, trying to regain his composure. He looked at the door, then at Sunny. He didn't help Sunny lock it, but he didn't stop him either. He just looked... tired. Like he was realizing that his life was now a permanent comedy sketch.
Sunny managed to jam a chair under the door handle and click the electronic lock from the outside using a keycard he'd "borrowed" from Akane's desk in the rush.
"There," Sunny panted, wiping sweat from his brow. "We need to call the experts. We need a hazardous materials team, a priest, and probably a very brave janitor."
We started walking away, heading toward the counselor's wing. As we passed the ventilation grates, a faint, lingering scent began to drift through the hall. It wasn't the smell of crackers.
It was the smell of a thousand suns dying in a swamp.
I saw a group of second-years nearby. One of them took a sniff, turned a shade of pale green, and promptly passed out.
"Sunny," I said, stopping him and grabbing him by the collar. "What was in those crackers? Tell me right now, or I will let my brother use you for target practice."
Sunny gave me a cheeky, unrepentant grin. "Oh, you know. Just a little something I like to call my 'Special Three-Star Magnesium Citrate Reduction.' It's a military-grade laxative disguised as an artisanal snack. It has a thirty-second delay and a one-hundred-percent success rate. Nagumo wanted to be the king of this school? Well, right now, he's the king of the porcelain throne."
"You... you poisoned the Vice President," Akane whispered, her hands shaking.
"Poisoned? No! I simply accelerated his digestive process!" Sunny chirped. "He was looking a little bloated anyway. I did him a favor. Think of it as a 'detox' for his ego."
I looked at my brother. Manabu was staring at the floor, his shoulders shaking. Was he... was he laughing?
"Suzune," Manabu said, his voice strangely tight. "We need to leave this area. Immediately. Tachibana, report a 'plumbing emergency' to the maintenance staff. Tell them not to enter without respirators."
"Yes, President," Akane squeaked.
We hurried toward the counselor's office, Sunny leading the way with a skip in his step.
"You're a monster," I whispered to him as we walked.
"Maybe," Sunny replied, winking at me. "But I'm your monster, Suzu. And hey—look on the bright side. Nagumo won't be able to look at a cracker for the next ten years without getting PTSD. I'd call that a win for the Horikita family, wouldn't you?"
I looked at the silver-haired idiot beside me. He was chaotic, he was dangerous, and he had just turned the Student Council into a hazardous waste site.
"Day one," I sighed. "And we've already committed a bio-terrorist act. We're definitely getting expelled."
"Nah," Sunny grinned. "We're the protagonists, Suzu. We have plot armor. And right now... plot armor smells a lot like magnesium citrate."