"..."
"..."
Itsuki and Izuru sat across from each other at the same cafeteria table. In a synchronized display of silence, they both lifted their chopsticks and began the mechanical task of eating. It seemed both were so deeply submerged in their own thoughts that conversation had become a secondary priority.
Nearby students cast curious glances, eager to decipher the relationship between the Student Council President and this stunning new transfer student. However, after watching the two of them do nothing but stare intensely at their food, the crowd lost interest. Some went back to their meals, some to their books, others to their gossip, and some... well, never mind.
The silence between them wasn't due to a lack of things to say, nor was it a strict adherence to table manners. It was because they were funneling every ounce of their communicative energy into their internal monologues.
{Nakano... Itsuki, huh?}
Izuru slowed his chopsticks as he brought a side dish to his mouth. He glanced up at Itsuki's beautiful face and sank into deep deliberation.
{The quintuplets transfer to this school, and then Itsuki, the resident glutton, comes to the cafeteria to feast...}
{The plot is progressing exactly as expected. Any minor deviations are likely just because they ran into me—nothing to lose sleep over, right?}
He took a closer look at her flawless features. No "beauty-killer" acne, no tiny scars from childhood tumbles; there was only smooth skin that looked just a little... plump.
{They say she's a total glutton, making her the heaviest of the five. She's the one whose mouth never stops moving, even earning the nickname of someone who could inhale five meat buns in a single breath...}
"Chomp~!" Itsuki clamped her chopsticks onto a piece of fried lobster and popped it into her mouth. She happened to look up at that exact moment, her eyes meeting Izuru's. Her face instantly flushed crimson, and she spoke with a hint of bashfulness.
"Um, President... is something wrong?"
"Meat bun monster!"
Itsuki's voice had snapped Izuru out of his trance, but unfortunately, it had also caused him to broadcast his inner thoughts directly to the world.
The moment the words left his lips, Izuru realized he had committed a fatal error. He had just uttered a phrase capable of sentencing a man to a lifetime of bachelorhood—or a swift death at the hands of a girl.
{Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!}
{It's over! Everyone knows that while gluttons love to eat, they loathe being called fat. If you dare say it to their face, your chances are zero!}
Just as Izuru began to break into a cold sweat, preparing to perform emergency social damage control, he saw the corner of Itsuki's mouth twitch. Then, with a forced expression—as if she were physically restraining the urge to throw a punch—she spoke.
"President... surely you're joking. How could I be a meat bun monster? I'm simply in my growth phase, so I require ample nutrients to support my body's development..."
As she spoke, whether intentionally or not, Itsuki slightly puffed out her own "meat buns"—a pair so impressive they could give almost every girl in the school a permanent complex. In that instant, Izuru could practically hear the hearts of the female students shattering and the collective howling of the boys. He could only blink, staring at Itsuki in bewilderment.
{She's angry, that much is clear. But why is she holding back? This isn't how the plot is supposed to develop!}
His brow furrowed slightly. Instinctively, he tried to dig his way out: "Don't misunderstand. I was just saying your growth is incredible—it's like you're flaunting two massive meat buns!"
{What the—?! This guy is a literal genius at killing a conversation!}
The gossiping students screamed internally. They looked at Izuru as if he were the king of fools, smirking in anticipation.
{With those two 'conversation-killer' lines, if this girl can still stay patient with you, we'll eat dirt on a live stream!}
However...
"Hahaha~! President, you really are a humorist. Even your way of complimenting people is... unique." Itsuki let out a strained laugh. Though her face was beet-red from the effort of containing herself, she maintained her composure. The arrogant onlookers nearly let their eyes pop out of their sockets in disbelief.
{No way, she took that too?! How pure is your heart?! Or does being handsome mean you can get away with anything, even being a total social disaster?!}
Izuru proceeded to prove that "being handsome" truly is a superpower. He nodded and continued his suicidal streak: "No, I only offer this specific praise to you. After all, I believe the title of 'meat bun monster' is one only you truly deserve."
In his mind, Izuru was rationalizing it like this:
{From what I remember, Itsuki hates being called a meat bun monster more than anything. She hates being called a glutton who gains weight easily, or being told she's heavier than her four sisters. Usually, she'd lose her mind with rage and hold a lifelong grudge. But...}
{Why isn't she exploding? Why is she calling me humorous and saying my compliments are 'different'?!}
Poor Izuru. Before meeting Kaguya Shinomiya, he was a "pro driver" only within the confines of dating sims. Dropped into the real world, his true form was exposed; his "miracle driving" had stalled because his tires had exploded in sheer terror of his passenger!
But luckily, Izuru was still that former "pro driver" who had once conquered Mt. Akina. He didn't have the stuttering, cowardly attitude of a generic protagonist meeting a pretty girl. In this moment, he looked like a seasoned, world-weary man who remained perfectly calm.
"Um, President... your soup is spilling..." Despite looking like she was about to cough up blood from pure irritation, Itsuki forced a smile. Her slender, white finger pointed toward the bowl in Izuru's left hand, which was shaking so violently that a third of the contents had already sloshed over the side.
Izuru blinked in surprise, then quickly downed the remaining soup and polished off the rest of his tray. "My apologies. With the start of the semester, I've been so busy I can't even eat in peace..."
"But it's fine. If there's anything you don't understand, you can find me at the Student Council office. You're welcome anytime!"
He gave her a thumbs-up, turned on his heel, and walked away, completely ignoring the way Itsuki's smile was becoming increasingly jagged.
{Phew, safe! I don't know why Itsuki didn't mind the 'meat bun monster' thing and actually seemed proud of it, but whatever. Everything is under control.}
{I established my identity as the President and offered help, securing a chance for a future encounter. I really am the driver of all drivers! Even with a blown tire, I can pivot to magnetic levitation technology!}
{This time, I'm definitely safe!}