It was a dance that was blooming in front of me.
It made the truth dawn upon me.
Whatever I had been doing was a joke—a joke that for me had been the truth.
I could recognize the movement, but at the same time I couldn't.
"Phew..."
Edward came to a stand still.
Neither did I move—I was bewitched.
The sight from before kept replaying, leaving me unable to register what I saw next.
Edward was standing in a crater, it was a perfect circle that only covered the space he had moved on.
Each blade of grass had been pushed away, while still connected to the ground, as if the ground itself had moved to make place for him.
"Tell me... did you think this was a defensive style? A style fit for those weaker? A style unfit for the future you?"
"You are delusional! All you have seen is a mere drop of this river!"
"It's an insult to your family name, to your name, and most of all to your father's name."
I forced my eyes to stay at the giant that stood opposite, and it was all I could do.
The ground still shook—even my arms that clenched my sword weren't able to stay still.
"Now take your sword out—and recreate it!"
I pulled my scabbard back, while I unsheathed my sword.
A deep breath sounded as I took a step forward the same moment my sword's scabbard met the ground.
I remembered every step that I had been taught, and every step that I'd borne witness to.
With the step I felt it.
Followed by the second step—with each step it became clear.
I can't do this.
The entire world spun, I had lost count how many steps I had taken, my legs twisting into one another.
Not a second after my first step had I found myself on the ground.
"You held out better than I did my first time—good job, Tjer!" He sheathed his blade as he walked over to me, his massive fingers appeared in front of me.
I took hold of his hand, and stood back up.
"We should go eat now," he said, turning his back to me.
Even when this was our first decent meal in the warmth of a house, I couldn't taste it, I couldn't even feel the heat dispersing on my tongue.
The table was silent—or at least I couldn't hear anyone talk.
The only thing in sight was my plate, but even that was unclear—something else had settled itself into my sight.
"Tjer? Are you alright?" The first voice had reached me, it was Mim.
I lifted my head and saw Katherine stare daggers at Edward, before she turned towards me.
"Are you alright...?"
"Yes... yes, I am." My eyes were not looking at either of the two worried about me—they stared at the man who was calmly eating, eyes closed.
"Sir! Please can we continue after eating!?"
"Uhm...." He glanced over to his left.
"Yes—but only for a bit, so don't overdo it—we won't travel through forests for the coming days," Katherine said after meeting Edward's eyes.
I nodded, and turned my gaze back to my plate.
Still unable to taste anything, but just knowing it was warm was enough.
The others were still eating as I stood up and went back outside.
The air felt damp, not cold like I had known before, nor was it warm.
I recreated each move I had seen and tried before, but no matter how many times I tried, it always ended the same—the only imprinting left on the ground was that of my body.
'Tjer—calm down!'
'Why are you behaving like this, you have never done so... you look battle crazed!'
'What are you talk—' I looked at my blade that descended into the darkness.
'I need to learn it, my heart is calling for it. No—my essence is.'
'Are you sure you're alright?'
'I need... this...' My mind was both clear, and hazy at the same time—I knew what I was doing, but I also did not.
'Calm down, and think clearly—Tjer.'
'...'
I continued to fall, but I rose each time.
But each time I rose no improvement could be seen.
Each and every time.
What is going on!?
Each and every time.
"AGHH—"
As the first notes were carried through the air, a weight held my blade down.
Followed by pure darkness falling over me.
I was met with a wall as I opened my eyes.
While I felt nothing I reached for my neck, met by a voice.
"Sorry, I hope it doesn't hurt too much." A soft female voice reached my ears.
"No problem—I don't feel anything." I sat up straight, turning my head towards Katherine.
It was a tensed face that appeared, her eyes hung low.
"What happened to you? Even Mim said that you normally aren't like that... that obsessed."
"Obsession? It was just something I had to do..." I looked at my spotless hands, remembering the red stains on my sword handle.
My palms got covered as her hands held mine.
"Please... please tell me, what happened to you?"
I pulled my hands away, and lay down, turning my back towards her.
"Nothing is wrong—so just leave."
"...okay—sorry..."
I caught a glimpse of her balled shoulders as she left the room, fighting the urge to turn back to me.
'You aren't like that—why did you say that to her...?'
'...what does it matter?'
'You know it yourself, don't you...'
I pressed my right canine into my lower lip.
'Why would you care?'
'Why wouldn't I? You are my body after all...'
I kept silent, knowing that it was a clear, and simple lie.
'I know that you don't want to behave like that.'
I took a deep breath and turned to my back.
'I don't know what happened... it was as if something came over me...'
'Came over you?'
'Yes—I felt urges... as if I had to fight.'
'And it went beyond my father, as if my essence was in need of that swordstyle...'
'To tell you the truth, my essence behaved different as well... as if it tried to climb on top...'
After we spoke I kept staring at the roof, until I decided to get up.
They were all sitting downstairs, not a single voice reached my ears while I walked down.
Katherine sat next to Mim—both opposite of Edward, whom I sat next to.
I could feel stares burning me, but even when I looked up there was no one staring at me, even Katherine raised her head after mine.
Our gazes met, and I lowered my head to her.
She did the same motion back to me.
There was a different way, a better way—but this was all I could muster.