I took one last look at my reflection in the mirror, gave a firm, confident nod, and unlocked my bedroom door.
Stepping out into the hallway, I felt like a completely new person. The charcoal-gray suit hugged my upgraded frame perfectly. The silk tie rested smoothly against my chest, and the polished leather dress shoes clicked softly against the hardwood floors.
As I descended the staircase, I didn't feel like a thirteen-year-old middle schooler dreading a boring family dinner. I felt like a 'Young Master' descending into his domain.
The first floor of the Dunphy house was deceptively quiet compared to the absolute hurricane of hairspray, makeup, and passive-aggressive arguments currently raging in the bedrooms upstairs.
I turned the corner and walked into the main family room.
There, sitting right in the middle of the plush sofa, was Phil Dunphy. He was holding the TV remote, his eyes glued to the screen.
The visual was absolutely hilarious. Phil was halfway through his formal transformation. On his top half, he was wearing a crisp, perfectly ironed white dress shirt, a sleek black tie, and his suit jacket was carefully draped over the back of the sofa. However, on his bottom half, he was wearing nothing but a pair of bright blue, highly casual gym shorts and white athletic socks.
He was the living, breathing definition of a "Zoom meeting outfit" years before the concept even existed.
Hearing my footsteps, Phil casually tore his eyes away from the television and looked over at me. His eyes instantly widened, his jaw dropping slightly as he took in my complete transformation.
"Oh... buddy!" Phil gasped, hastily muttering to himself as he tossed the TV remote onto the coffee table. He sat up straighter, looking me up and down with genuine awe. "Look at you! You look dashing! Like a tiny, blonde James Bond! That new suit really looks good on you. See, I always told your mother you had the classic Dunphy bone structure hiding under those graphic t-shirts!"
I raised an eyebrow, casually adjusting my pristine cuffs. I offered him a lazy, appreciative smile.
"Oh, thanks, Dad. I appreciate it," I said smoothly, before pointing a finger directly at his bare, hairy legs. "But I think you need to worry a little less about my outfit and a little more about wearing yours fast. We only have a strict thirty-minute deadline before Mom comes downstairs and expects us all to be gathered by the door. If she sees you in gym shorts, she might actually use that kitchen knife on you."
Phil just laughed, leaning back against the sofa cushions with an incredibly relaxed, thoroughly unbothered posture. He crossed his bare legs and waved his hand dismissively.
"Oh, no worries, Luke. I have so much time," Phil brushed off my warning with the terrifying confidence of a man who didn't fully comprehend the danger he was in. "Putting on pants takes exactly six seconds. I've timed it. Besides, the girls always take at least twenty extra minutes for 'finishing touches'. Tell me, how was your day? You were out there on the field all morning and afternoon!"
I walked over and sat down gracefully on the adjacent single sofa chair, making sure not to crease my trousers.
"It was a normal day, honestly," I replied, crossing my legs casually. "Just... running. Sweating. Avoiding getting tackled by guys twice my size. But I'm starting to get the hang of it. My stamina is improving."
"That's the spirit!" Phil grinned, giving me a double thumbs-up. He leaned forward slightly, his eyes sparkling with anticipation. "So, are you excited to meet your Grandpa Jay and Gloria tonight? The whole clan is getting together for the big rehearsal!"
"I am," I nodded genuinely. "I just hope all goes well for today. With Grandma DeDe in the house, the tension is a little thick."
Phil grimaced slightly, nodding in solemn agreement. "You're not wrong, buddy. It's like walking through a minefield blindfolded. But hey, we focus on the positive! Family is family!"
I looked around the empty living room. "Speaking of family, where are Uncle Mitchell and Uncle Cam? I thought I heard them snoring earlier."
Phil winked at me, a highly conspiratorial, slightly goofy grin spreading across his face. He leaned over and whispered, "Oh, they woke up a little while ago. They're in the formal dining hall right now. Maybe changing into their suits, but also probably enjoying a little... you know... 'peace and quiet' away from your mother and grandmother's energy. They will come out shortly."
"Hmm, smart men," I noted, perfectly understanding their desire to avoid the crossfire.
We fell into a comfortable silence. I sat back and watched Phil as he picked the remote back up. His attention span was completely fractured. He clicked through the channels with rapid-fire speed.
For five seconds, we watched a nature documentary on the geography of the Sahara Desert. Click. Then, ten seconds of a college basketball game. Click. Then, the local evening news. Click. He clearly had absolutely no idea what he actually wanted to watch.
"Dad," I spoke up, breaking his cycle of endless channel surfing. "The actual wedding ceremony tomorrow... that's taking place at a church in the afternoon, right?"
Phil paused his clicking. His eyes instantly shined. If there was one thing Phil Dunphy loved more than magic tricks and real estate, it was feeling like he had exclusive, insider family gossip to share.
He leaned far over the armrest of the sofa, gesturing for me to come closer. He lowered his voice to a theatrical, secretive whisper, looking around to make sure Claire wasn't sneaking up behind him.
"Oh, right! Okay, buddy, so here is the inside scoop," Phil whispered excitedly. "You know your Grandpa Jay and his new bride, Gloria? Well, they are both technically divorced from their previous partners. And as you might know, Gloria's family is highly, strictly Catholic. And the Catholic Church generally does not want people who are divorced to get married in their cathedrals without a very long, very complicated annulment process."
Phil wiggled his eyebrows dramatically. "But... you know Jay has wealth that would make your jaw drop to the floor. So, think about it. What do you think happened next?"
I couldn't help but chuckle. The logic of the real world and the logic of Webnovel cultivation worlds were surprisingly identical. When rules stood in the way, absolute power—or in this case, absolute wealth—was the universal skeleton key that unlocked all doors.
"Hmm," I stroked my chin, feigning deep contemplation before hitting him with the obvious answer. "A massive, undeniable donation?"
"Bingo!" Phil whisper-shouted, pointing his remote at me like a loaded gun. "Jay made a 'considerable' financial contribution to the parish's new community center roof fund! We're talking top-tier, gold-plaque-on-the-wall level donor! So, the local Father... sadly, albeit very happily, agreed that they were spiritually cleared and decided to bless their union in the sanctuary."
I laughed out loud. "Ah, the divine power of capital. Truly miraculous."
Phil chuckled along, completely missing my cynical phrasing. He slapped his bare knee excitedly.
"Exactly! And it gets better, Luke," Phil continued, practically vibrating with excitement. "You know the reception at Sunday night is going to be held in a highly luxurious country club. Care to guess which one it is?"
"Hmm..." I narrowed my eyes, genuinely confused. Because I was new to this body and my memories of Los Angeles geography were mostly limited to video games, I didn't know the major rich-people hotspots very well. "Beverly Hills? Bel-Air?"