Creak...
The door to the second-floor bedroom swung wide open. Luca aimed his phone's flashlight into the corner of the room.
There sat a teenage ghost boy wearing a ripped, aesthetic flannel shirt. Around his neck hung a transparent, circular object containing a single, dried-up black pearl.
The ghost looked up, trying to pull off the scariest face he could muster. His eyes turned pitch black, and thick black blood flowed dramatically from his lips.
"H-huuuhuhu... go awaaay... this place is cursed..." the ghost whispered in a forced, deep voice, trying to mimic the ghosts in horror movies.
Luca and Xavier stepped forward. Instead of backing away in fear, they squinted, scrutinizing the ghost's outfit from head to toe.
Luca's focus locked onto the item hanging around the ghost's neck.
Was he seeing this right? Wasn't that...
"Xav... do you see what I see?" Luca whispered, his shoulders starting to shake as he tried to hold it in.
Xavier nodded blankly, though his eyes widened in shock.
"Based on macro visual identification, the object on the subject's neck is a large straw with a medium-sized boba pearl stuck in the middle.
Conclusion: the subject died due to respiratory failure from choking on a trendy beverage."
That second, Luca's composure crumbled completely.
"BHUAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Luca collapsed onto the floor, clutching his stomach as it began to cramp.
"Oh man, seriously?! Boba?! You died from choking on boba, you idiot?! HAHAHAHA!"
Xavier, who was usually as cold as ice and stiff as a robot, suddenly lost his sanity too. He stepped back, leaned against the wall, and covered his face, laughing until he wheezed.
"Hahaha, such a mind-boggling cause of death... HAHAHA! How is it even possible... Pfftt... for a supernatural being to have such a ridiculous track record?!"
"Turns out I've got a fellow loser here. I thought I was the only one who died like an idiot, getting crushed by a laundry rack and a neighbor's underwear. Turns out I've got a buddy!"
Raffa, standing in the doorway, could only stare at his brother and Xavier with a judgmental look.
"You guys are insane. Not a single ounce of respect for the dead."
The boba ghost just stared blankly. The black blood that had been flowing dramatically from his lips suddenly stopped. His pale face turned bright red from extreme embarrassment. The craziness of the two humans in front of him completely shattered his dignity as the spirit of the empty house.
"Y-You guys... WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?! THAT'S SO MEAN!!! HUWAAAAA!"
The boba ghost burst into tears, but this time it wasn't a terrifying ghostly wail; it was the hysterical sobbing of a tantrum-throwing kid. He rolled around on the dusty floor, pounding it with his translucent hands.
"I know I died like an idiot! But you don't have to be this happy about it! My heart hurts, you know! I already died because of a matcha boba, and in my afterlife, I'm getting ghosted by the kuntilanak from the next complex! How much more miserable can my life get?! HUWAAAA!"
Seeing his first patient throwing a tantrum and rolling on the floor, Luca tried to stifle his laughter, even though tears were streaming down his face from how hilarious it was. He quickly stood up and patted the dust off his pants.
"Hey, hey, sorry, sorry! Cup, cup, cup, don't cry anymore, Kid," Luca said, fighting a smile, crouching down in front of the ghost. His "money-grubber" soul was instantly ignited again.
"Let me introduce myself. I'm Luca, the Head Psychologist here. And this place... is officially the world's first Supernatural Psychology Agency!"
The boba ghost stopped rolling around, staring at Luca with his puffy, black eyes.
"S-Supernatural... psychology?"
"Exactly, Client Number One," Xavier chimed in, having returned to his deadpan mode, pulling a small notebook out of his uniform pocket.
"Please stand up and straighten your flannel. Your registration for love complaints and boba trauma will be processed shortly."
Raffa folded his arms in the doorway, shaking his head in resignation.
"Truly an insane business," he muttered, bracing himself at the door in case the boba ghost suddenly went berserk from the stress of being analyzed by these two weirdos.
Luca pulled up an old, dusty wooden chair, blew off some dust, and sat down with the elegant poise of a top-tier professional psychologist.
Xavier stood by his side, pen ready, while Raffa stayed leaned against the door, monitoring the situation with a sour expression.
"Okay, Client Number One," Luca cleared his throat formally, looking at the ghost, who was now sitting cross-legged on the floor, still sniffling.
"Please tell us your complaints chronologically. Consider this a safe space for you."
The boba ghost wiped his ghostly tears and fixed his flannel shirt. Once he opened his mouth, his horror aura vanished 100%, replaced by the vibe of a Jaksel youth having an overthinking crisis.
"So, it's like this, Luca... honestly, I've been going through a mental health break ever since life after death," the ghost confessed in a weak tone.
"I feel anxiety every night. You know, I died because I choked on boba while filming a 'honest review' TikTok. That alone already gave me such low self-esteem among the ghosts in this complex."
Xavier scribbled rapidly in his notebook.
"Subject is experiencing a crisis of confidence due to a cause of death deemed aesthetically unpleasing and lacking in 'scare value'."
"Exactly! You hit the nail on the head, Mr. Receptionist!" the boba ghost exclaimed, pointing at Xavier in agreement.
"Then, it peaked when I met Luna. She's a kuntilanak from the next complex, so pretty, her hair is as smooth as if she'd just had a ghost-salon smoothing treatment. Our chemistry was amazing at first! We'd have deep talks in the banyan tree at 2 AM, talking about our future, the vibes were honestly so healing."
Luca propped his chin on his hand, listening seriously for the sake of his profit-motivated professionalism.
"And? Where's the main problem?"
"The problem is, she's toxic and manipulative!" the boba ghost said, getting fired up, his eyes looking like a petulant teenager.
"Yesterday she suddenly ghosted me! Every one of my spiritual chats was left on read. When I checked her ghost-profile, it turns out she posted a jedag-jedug video with some red-flag pocong from the school next door! Can you believe that? I put in so much effort accompanying her to scare villagers every Kliwon Thursday night, only to be beaten by a pocong whose jump is still limping! It hurts so much, my mental health just did a breakdance!"
Luca covered his mouth, holding back a laugh that threatened to explode at the term 'mental breakdance'.
Meanwhile, Raffa in the corner snorted with amusement.
"Ghosts these days are so weak. Getting dumped by a kuntilanak is enough to make an empty house feel like a sad boy's dorm room."
"Hey, Mr. Security Guard, don't be judgmental! This is an attachment issue!" the boba ghost shot back, fixing his messy hair.
"I really need a solution from you, Luca. How can I move on, or at least... how can I look 'glow up' and make my ex regret it like crazy when she sees me again?"
Luca smiled mysteriously, his eyes glinting with a devious, profitable plan.
"Before I tell you the trick, I've gotta tell you this, Bro. Honestly, nowadays, finding honest people is hard, but watching you feel pathetic over being ghosted is even sadder. She left, not because you're not handsome or lack 'capital,' but because her mental capacity is just barely enough to play hide-and-seek. You're busy looking for excuses and blaming yourself, when her cowardly actions are already the clearest answer. Don't waste your precious time thinking about someone who doesn't even have the decency to say 'it's over.' Drop that ego of yours that feels like you've lost something, because honestly, you were just saved from the wrong person before you invested deeper feelings. Chin up, go take a shower, your specs are too premium to be treated as a backup option!"
The boba ghost stared at Luca with teary eyes.
"For real, Bang?"
"Yeah, why would I lie? I'm the love doctor for my friends,"
Xavier gave Luca a mocking look.
"Oh really? Burden, aren't you a lonely, akut-level single? Your life is so sad, being a hero in other people's relationships but a background extra in your own love life."
Hearing Xavier's words, Luca clutched his chest dramatically.
But a second later, he gave Xavier a sinister, lethal stare.
"You're teasing me for being single? Man, wake up, we're in the same cage in the same zoo. And as a Hero, I always sacrifice myself in the beginning, bro. Once I find 'the one,' it's going to be straight to the highest level!" Luca retorted sarcastically, making Xavier roll his eyes in annoyance.
Luca tapped his fingers on his chin, looking at the boba ghost with a calculated business look.
"Anyway, about the trick, I've got a way. Your problem is actually simple. You're actually a high-value ghost, but your personal branding is losing out to that red-flag pocong because you lack mystery."
The boba ghost straightened up, his eyes sparkling.
"What do you mean, Kak?"
"Like I said, you're too premium for someone like her. And you get it, right? Straight to the point: First, stop listening to sad songs on the roof of this house every night. It's tanking your market value," Luca said enthusiastically, his money-grubber soul beginning to draft a strategy so this session would count as a 'premium package.'
"Second, you've gotta change your style. Stop wearing flannel all the time; you look like a lonely ghost-engineering student. Tomorrow, join my agency's Spiritual Glow Up program. I'll teach you how to scare humans with aesthetic jumpscare techniques so your name goes viral in the supernatural world!"
"Wow... crazy, so insightful!" the boba ghost said, nodding in awe.
"And how do I make my ex regret it?"
Xavier suddenly stepped forward, cutting off the conversation while shoving his notebook into the boba ghost's face.
"For tips on elegant romantic revenge, your free session has ended. Based on agency regulations, you must pay an administrative fee and a down payment before Psychologist Luca provides the core formula."
The boba ghost blinked, confused.
"Huh? Pay? I'm a ghost, Kak. I don't have any rupiah."
"We do not accept human paper money because its value is unstable in the underworld," Xavier replied, cold as ice.
"We only accept precious metals, ancient jewelry buried in the yard of this house, or historical antiques of high value."
Luca beamed, giving Xavier a thumbs up. His former system was definitely number one when it came to squeezing clients for cash.
The boba ghost thought hard, then snapped his fingers.
"Oh! Under the kitchen floor tiles of this house, there's a small safe belonging to the first owner from the 1990s that has three pure gold bars in it! I know the code! If I tell you, will you help me make my ex cry tears of blood in regret?!"
Hearing the words 'pure gold,' Luca's eyes instantly turned into sparkling rupiah symbols.
"DEAL! Tell us the code now, and tomorrow night, you'll officially be the coolest ghost in the district!"
Raffa, who had been leaning against the door the whole time, could only let out a long sigh, watching the absurd scene in front of him. His reincarnated brother and the snarky former system had just successfully extorted a heartbroken ghost for gold.
"The code is 1997, Kak. The safe is buried under the tiles near the old stove in the downstairs kitchen," the boba ghost answered hopefully.
"Please, Kak, make Luna regret it!"
"Done! Xavier, Raffa, let's head down to the downstairs kitchen. Let's secure our agency's first asset!" Luca commanded, leading the way out of the room with a light, airy step. His money-grubber soul was soaring to the heavens.
Raffa shook his head but followed behind along with Xavier, who was busy calculating the estimated price of 1990s gold bars in his head.
The three of them walked stealthily down the stairs of the dark, empty house, relying only on the flashlight from Luca's phone.
However, just as they reached the downstairs dining area, which was positioned right next to a large window facing the side yard... Luca suddenly stopped.
"Hey, wait, wait... turn off your flashlights," Luca whispered suddenly, elbowing Raffa and Xavier.
"What's wrong, Bang? Are there enemies?" Raffa asked instantly, preparing to take a fighting stance.
"Not enemies, Kid... but look up at the mango tree branch in the side yard," Luca pointed outside with his chin.
Xavier and Raffa glanced where Luca pointed. There, under the dim moonlight piercing through the thick mango leaves, were two silhouettes of spirits sitting together on a branch.
The first silhouette was a kuntilanak with long hair and a clean, glowing white dress—it was clearly Luna, the boba ghost's ex who loved ghosting. And beside her, leaning back with a "cool" pose despite her entire body being wrapped in a white burial shroud, was a pocong with its head binding tilted to the right.
"Are you kidding me... are they really flirting in someone else's mango tree?" Raffa muttered in disbelief, at a loss for words at the absurd sight.
"Visual analysis: the female subject appears to be performing a 'manipulative laughing' technique, while the male subject wrapped in a burial shroud is attempting skinship but is obstructed by his own pocong bindings. A truly inefficient interaction," Xavier commented with a face as flat as plywood.
Outside the window, the kuntilanak's laughter could be heard faintly, but very flirtatious.
"Hihihihi... you're such a tease, Yang. You jumped all the way from the school next door just to bring me fresh frangipani flowers? So romantic... Not like my ex, whose only effort was a stale matcha boba, ugh!"
The red-flag pocong wiggled about, trying to look tough on the branch.
"Halah, don't talk about the past, Yang. He was a weak ghost. Died from choking on boba. If it were me, I died like a man, hit by a dump truck while street racing. Much more value, right?"
Luca, hearing the spirits gossip, covered his own mouth to keep his laughter from exploding and ruining this stakeout.
"Crazy, crazy! This is getting a bonus live-action drama! I feel so bad for our client upstairs, turns out he was actually ghosted for a 'jamet' street-racing pocong! HAHAHA!"
"Bang Luca," Raffa called out, tapping his brother's shoulder, his face flat but his eyes glinting with mischief.
"How about we deal with the gold safe later, and now we call the boba ghost down here? So he can see for himself his ex getting showered with frangipani flowers."
Luca looked at Raffa with the same devious smirk.
"Good idea, Kid! Xav, go get the boba ghost upstairs! Tell him that therapy session stage one, 'Facing the Bitter Reality,' begins right now!"
Xavier bowed like a five-star hotel waiter.
"Understood. I will bring that underage client to witness this live supernatural netorare in thirty seconds."