Chapter 197: Tsunade's Kitchen Nightmare
Uchiha Akira, Kurenai Yūhi, and Tsunade stood in the training yard. The air, once calm, was now electric.
Between the two women, an invisible, crackling current seemed to spark.
A war without smoke, born from a simple box of pastries, had quietly begun.
Tsunade didn't expect Uchiha Akira to defend Kurenai Yūhi so openly, so... gently, right in front of her.
Her heart was instantly filled with a nameless, burning rage.
[This bastard!]
That bastard, who had humiliated her, who had hit her in that place, was now being so gentle and pleasant to another woman.
This strange, sour, possessive feeling made her chest feel tight.
"This bastard!" she seethed internally.
"Aren't they just a few broken pastries? What's so great about them?!"
Tsunade sneered, her voice dripping with disdain.
"Only knowing how to make these pretty but useless pastries isn't much of a skill. It's what a child does."
She glanced at Kurenai Yūhi, her gaze openly scrutinizing, and said pointedly, "A true woman, to capture a man's heart, must first capture his stomach."
"And a man's stomach cannot be satisfied with just these sugary desserts."
"Ultimately, it's about real, substantial dishes! A real meal!"
Tsunade's words were full of undisguised hostility. She was practically pointing at Kurenai Yūhi's nose and saying, "You can't do it."
Kurenai Yūhi's cheeks instantly flushed a deep crimson. She was not a natural-born brawler like Tsunade, but she wasn't a pushover to be manipulated, either.
"Lady Tsunade means," Kurenai said, her own voice losing its gentleness and gaining a steel edge, "that you're very good at cooking?"
She retorted, meeting Tsunade's challenging, angry gaze without flinching.
"Of course!"
Tsunade didn't even think. She didn't hesitate. She patted her majestic chest, her "pride" as it were, and declared shamelessly:
"I, Tsunade, am not only the strongest Medical-nin in the Ninja World, but my cooking skills are also legendary!"
"It's just that I'm usually too lazy to do it! I have more important things to do!"
Shizune, standing nearby and holding Tonton, almost bit her own tongue off when she heard this.
[Le… legendary?!]
[Lady Tsunade, do you have some kind of profound misunderstanding about the word 'legendary'?!]
[Legendarily bad maybe!]
[Have you forgotten?! Have you completely blocked out the time you went into the kitchen to 'just boil an egg' and almost blew up the entire kitchen?! We had to eat at a restaurant for a week!]
Shizune's heart was screaming frantically, but she didn't dare utter a single, suicidal word.
She could only watch, her face pale with horror, as Tsunade went further and further down the path of bragging.
"Is that so?"
Kurenai Yūhi, sensing the lie but too polite to call it out, smiled softly. It was a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Then I truly look forward to having the opportunity to taste Lady Tsunade's legendary cooking."
"Hmph, there will be a chance!"
Tsunade, provoked by Kurenai Yūhi's calm, cutting politeness, completely lost her head. She was all-in on this ridiculous bluff.
"Tomorrow! Tomorrow, I'll personally cook! I'll show you—and you," she jabbed a finger toward Akira, "what real, delicious food is!"
With that, Tsunade, dragging a dejected and doom-laden Shizune, turned and left in a flurry of righteous, faked confidence.
Naruto, who had been watching from the sidelines, had observed the entire "war." He was now completely bewildered.
"What… what just happened?" he asked his Sensei.
"Why did Grandma Tsunade and Teacher Kurenai look like they were about to fight... over snacks?"
Uchiha Akira watched Tsunade's retreating, angry back. He then looked at Kurenai Yūhi beside him, who, despite "winning" the round, was still somewhat sullen and upset.
He couldn't help but feel a headache coming on.
[What in the world is this… I am dealing with an immortal, god-like tree-goddess, a masked terrorist, and the unstable politics of the entire ninja world... and this is what is happening in my own training yard.]
Uchiha Akira looked at Kurenai and said gently, his voice softening, "Don't take her words to heart."
"She just has that temper. Her mouth doesn't spare anyone, not even me."
"Mm, I know."
Kurenai Yūhi nodded, but her mood was still a bit low. She began packing up her ruined pastries.
Akira paused, then added, "In my heart, the pastries you make are the best."
Kurenai Yūhi's hands stopped. She heard this.
A slow, genuine blush crept up her neck. She looked up at him, and her gentle, warm smile returned, this time for real.
On the other side of the village, Tsunade stomped angrily on her way home, the gravel crunching under her sandals.
Shizune, holding Tonton, followed closely behind, not daring to breathe loudly. Tonton just squealed nervously.
"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!"
Tsunade gritted her teeth and growled as she walked, a true, low growl of fury.
"So what if she can make a few broken pastries? What's so great about that! Look at how proud she is!"
"And him! 'Don't take her words to heart.' 'The best I've ever had.' Ugh! He's so bewitched!"
Shizune, beside her, finally found a sliver of courage and softly advised, "Lady Tsunade, please calm down. Yuhi... she's actually a very nice person. She didn't mean any harm."
"NICE, MY FOOT!"
Tsunade abruptly stopped and spun around to glare at Shizune. "Whose side are you on?!"
"I… I'm on your side, of course! Always, Lady Tsunade!"
Shizune flinched in fear, holding Tonton like a shield, and quickly pledged her loyalty.
"Hmph! That's more like it!"
Tsunade continued walking, but her furious steps slowed. Her anger was beginning to fade, replaced by... something else.
In Tsunade's mind, the scenes from Uchiha Akira's house kept replaying.
Kurenai Yūhi's gentleness. Uchiha Akira's rare, approving gaze. That... that harmonious, domestic atmosphere…
Once upon a time, she had also fantasized about such a life.
To build a family with her beloved, Dan, and live a simple, happy, normal life.
However, the deaths of Dan and her little brother, Nawaki, had completely, violently extinguished Tsunade's hope for all of this.
Tsunade had used gambling and alcohol to numb herself, to exile herself from a world that had taken everything.
Until Uchiha Akira appeared.
Uchiha Akira, in an unreasonable, tyrannical, and domineering way, had forcibly pulled Tsunade out of the abyss of self-exile.
He had cured her. He had broken her. He had... changed her.
And he had, most infuriatingly, caused ripples to appear once again in Tsunade's long-frozen, numb heart.
[No! Absolutely not!]
Tsunade clenched her fists, her eyes burning with a fierce, new fighting spirit.
"I, Tsunade, will never admit defeat! Not to him! And not to her!"
"Isn't it just cooking? What's so hard about it?!"
"I can even develop S-rank medical Jutsu! Can a mere cooking skill stump me?!"
She turned and gave a sharp, military-like order to Shizune.
"Shizune!"
"Yes, Lady Tsunade!"
"Tomorrow! First, find all the cooking books in the house for me! All of them!"
"Second, go to the market and buy the freshest, highest-quality, most expensive ingredients you can find! Spare no expense!"
Shizune looked at Tsunade's high-spirited, almost manic appearance... but a deep, cold premonition of disaster welled up in her heart.
[It's over…]
[Lady Tsunade, she's at it again… She has her "I'm a genius, I can do this" look...]
[The kitchen at home… it's probably going to suffer again…]
Shizune's face showed an expression uglier than crying.
Early the next morning.
Shizune stood at the kitchen door, looking haggard. She had two large, dark circles under her eyes. She hadn't slept.
In front of her, rows of brand-new, gleaming, professional-grade kitchen utensils were displayed.
On the other side, ingredients—giant fish, prime cuts of beef, exotic vegetables—piled up like a small mountain on the floor.
Shizune's heart was bleeding.
[These were all bought by Lady Tsunade... from my secret stash of savings!]
"Shizune! What are you spacing out for? Bring all these things inside for me!"
Tsunade's voice, full of confidence, came from the kitchen.
"Yes… Lady Tsunade…"
Shizune sighed and resignedly began to carry the ingredients, one basket at a time.
In the kitchen, Tsunade was holding a copy of "Advanced Cuisine Compendium: Volume 4," a book thicker than a brick, reading it with great interest.
"Hmm… I see… To make the meat tender, you need to repeatedly pound it with the back of a knife to break down its connective tissue…"
"Also, this... when onions are cut, they release irritating gases that cause tears. The solution is… to cut them in water?"
"Hmph, what a hassle."
Tsunade snapped the book shut, her face showing a confident expression that said, "I've completely mastered it."
She picked up a brand-new, gleaming chef's knife and weighed it in her hand.
"Not bad, just a bit light."
She glanced at the prime, 10-pound cut of beef on the cutting board. A glint of excitement flashed in her eyes.
"Let's start with you!"
Tsunade took a deep breath. She slowly, methodically, began to condense chakra into her right arm.
[The book said 'pound it' to 'break down the tissue'. My chakra-enhanced strength is perfect for this! It will be the most tender beef in history!]
"Secret Jutsu: Chakra-Enhanced Strength!" (怪力, Kairiki)
[Inorin's Note: Chakra-Enhanced Strength (Kairiki) is Tsunade's signature technique, requiring perfect chakra control to store and release chakra, granting her immense, superhuman strength.]
"Lady Tsunade! NO! Your control!"
Shizune had just carried in a basket of vegetables when she saw the tell-tale, pale blue chakra glow on Tsunade's arm. It scared her out of her wits, and she screamed, dropping the basket and rushing over.
However, it was already too late.
Tsunade, with a confident yell of "CHA!", punched the beef, slamming her fist down hard!
"BOOM—!!!"
A loud, concussive bang!
The entire kitchen shook violently! Dust fell from the ceiling!
That large, prime cut of beef, under Tsunade's terrifying, S-rank, building-leveling Super Strength... it couldn't even last a microsecond.
It was directly smashed into a fine, atomized paste that splattered across the entire wall.
The cutting board, too, a three-inch-thick block of solid oak... was shattered into splinters under that earth-shattering punch.
Shizune stared blankly at all this. At the beef-paste on the wall. At the hole where the cutting board used to be.
Her mouth was wide open, unable to close it for a long time.
"Uh…"
Tsunade was also stunned.
She looked at her fist, which was perfectly fine. Then she looked at the "beef" on the wall, which was completely, utterly unrecognizable.
An awkward, embarrassed expression appeared on her face.
"Cough cough… A mistake. Purely a mistake."
"Just now… I didn't control the force well. I misjudged. It's a new knife."
She forced an explanation, refusing to admit defeat. "However, it doesn't matter! This just goes to show that its connective tissue has been perfectly destroyed by me!"
"The dish made from... from that... will definitely be very, very tender and smooth!"
Shizune just looked at the red-stained wall, her soul having seemingly left her body.
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