Chapter 17 — New demon's Dinner
At noon, master and disciple stared at the pot once again, both falling into deep silence as they looked at the same blackened lump inside.
"So this… is the result of the Sharingan's copying, Master?"
Uchiha Madara's expression turned grave.
"A miscalculation. I could only copy his movements, but I forgot that the placement of the seasonings was different."
Looking at Madara standing there in contemplation, Gion cautiously took a small step backward.
She had to escape this sorrowful place before the kitchen black hole in front of her said that sentence again.
Unfortunately, she was one step too late.
"Food… must not be wasted."
Suddenly, a large number of branches sprouted from the ground, instantly trapping Gion just as she turned to flee.
Her face filled with horror as she looked toward Uchiha Madara, who was forming hand seals with one hand, and began struggling frantically.
"Noooo! I'm the future Admiral Gion! I refuse to stop here!! Let me go! You kitchen black hole, you rotten old man! Evil Uchiha!!!"
As Madara quietly took out a plate and began scooping that pitch-black, bubbling mass out of the pot one spoonful at a time, fear grew stronger and stronger in Gion's heart.
She suddenly realized something.
The rotten old man in front of her seemed to be serious.
He really was planning to eat that lump of Satan's Dinner.
The repeated sound of the spoon striking the side of the pot made Gion more and more terrified. It sounded like the funeral bells of hell, announcing the fall of Admiral Gion before her glorious future had even begun.
"AAAAAHHHH!!! HELP! Vice Admiral Garp! Admiral Sengoku! Teacher Zephyr!! Someone's trying to murder the future flower of the Marines!! Help! My master's gone crazy!!!"
As Gion struggled with all her might, a crack suddenly appeared in the branches restraining her. Her face lit up with joy at once.
There's hope!
Then she heard Uchiha Madara's utterly emotionless voice.
"Wood Release: Tree Bind Eternal Burial."
The thin branches binding her suddenly thickened. More and more branches erupted outward, nearly covering the entire dining table and locking Gion firmly in place.
At that exact moment, Uchiha Madara emerged slowly from the kitchen, carrying the Dinner of Satan itself, as though a wind from the underworld was swirling around him.
Gion's face turned white with terror. No matter how hard she struggled, there was no escape. She could only watch helplessly as Uchiha Madara came closer and closer.
"Waaahhh! Master! I was wrong! I'll never mention the Will of Fire again! I'll definitely take care of you in your old age and send you off properly when the time comes! Please, just let me go! This really isn't okay!!"
That plate of horror drew closer and closer.
That terrifying smell drew closer and closer.
The stench was so overwhelming it made tears stream down Gion's face.
"Uh… um… Master, how about you eat first? Admiral Sengoku once said that filial piety comes first among all virtues! You should eat first! What kind of disciple eats while her master goes hungry, right?! Please, I'm really not hungry—just get that thing away from me, AAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
....
A long while later, inside the Uchiha house, Gion lay collapsed over the table, her expression utterly shattered, tears at the corners of her eyes.
A pale purple liquid dribbled continuously from her mouth.
One hand stretched out weakly into the air, as though she were trying to grab hold of the sense of taste that had already vanished forever.
"Admiral Gion… is no longer clean… waaah… ┭┮﹏┭┮"
Uchiha Madara looked at the overly dramatic Gion and rose to begin clearing the table.
"My mistake. I just didn't expect dish soap to be placed together with the seasonings."
Gion had once thought that after living with Uchiha Madara for a while, he would gradually learn how to cook properly, and from then on, he would prepare all kinds of delicious meals for her every day.
Now it seemed she had simply been too naïve.
Even if the day ever came when Madara actually managed to make something tasty, she probably wouldn't live to see it.
Even Madara himself felt a little awkward inside.
He hadn't expected food he made to be that terrible.
He had only fed the brat two bites, and she had already started foaming at the mouth.
Even he himself had silently given up after taking two bites.
Uchiha Madara couldn't understand it.
Clearly, none of the ingredients were dangerous on their own.
So how had combining them somehow produced the taste of death itself?
Thanks to that dish called Satan's Dinner, even a sip of plain water now tasted like the finest delicacy in the world to him.
As for Gion, she remained sprawled over the table, having completely given up on life.
In secret, Gion swore an oath:
Once she grew up and became strong enough to beat her master, she would tie him to the dining table and force him to eat an entire pot of Satan's Dinner in one sitting!!!
Admiral Gion always repaid her grudges!
With that thought in mind, Gion struggled to her feet and, summoning the last of her strength, staggered into the kitchen.
She carefully memorized every single seasoning that had gone into Satan's Dinner.
Only then did she fall peacefully onto the kitchen floor…
…and take a nap.
Sadly, a certain evil Uchiha had no intention of letting her sleep for long. He grabbed Gion and hauled her back up.
"You're about to start school. Before that, there's one more test."
Still half-asleep, Gion rubbed her eyes.
"Let me sleep a little longer first~ What kind of test?"
"Fight me."
Gion froze for a second.
Then she began struggling violently.
"Ah! You evil Uchiha! Still refusing to give up! So this was your plan all along—to find an excuse to kill me, and then when Sister Tsuru comes back, you'd just say it was an accident during training! That way you could escape the fate of being buried in the dirt by Admiral Gion!"
Thump. Thump.
A moment later, the wildly struggling Gion was standing obediently beside Uchiha Madara with two fresh lumps on her head, her expression docile and ingratiating.
"Master, how about this—you let me off this time because I'm just so adorable, okay? You've only had this disciple for a month. If you hit me without knowing your strength and accidentally kill me, then you won't have a disciple anymore, waaah."
"Think about it. If your life didn't have me in it, then you wouldn't get to wake up early every day to make breakfast, you wouldn't get to clean the house every day, you wouldn't get to watch me throw tantrums, you wouldn't get to—no, no, no, without me, you'd only be able to go out and hunt those smelly pirates. How could that possibly compare to staying beside fragrant and adorable Admiral Gion, right, Master?"
The more Gion spoke, the more she felt that something was wrong, and she hurriedly tried to correct herself.
Meanwhile, Uchiha Madara's eyes grew brighter and brighter, as if he were seriously considering the feasibility of that scenario.
The corners of his previously expressionless mouth even started to lift into a faint smile, as though he were imagining the beautiful life he could have after Gion was gone.
The moment Gion saw that Madara was actually starting to look tempted, she panicked and quickly changed her tone.
"Fine, fine! A master's orders cannot be disobeyed. Admiral Gion will just have to agree."
The light in Uchiha Madara's eyes dimmed instantly, as though he were disappointed.
Gion saw all of it.
Letting out a sigh of relief, she thought to herself:
Whew~ Good thing I reacted fast. Otherwise, this master of mine might actually have made a move. Truly worthy of the title Evil Uchiha. Cold-blooded to the core.
Looking at the complicated expression on Gion's face, Uchiha Madara could tell with one glance exactly what she was thinking.
He felt deep regret in his heart.
Why had he ever been so foolish as to let her find out the nickname Tobirama had given him?
And now look at this mess.
This dead girl started every other sentence with "Evil Uchiha." It was practically her catchphrase now.
If Garp and those old fossils ever heard it, the entire Marine Headquarters would probably know by the next day.
Would he still have any dignity left?
Originally, Madara had planned to go easy on her during this spar.
But now that he thought of it, he decided he'd better use a little more force after all, just so the brat would learn to keep that mouth of hers in check.
The owner of the restaurant already knew about "Evil Uchiha."
Once this dead girl started school, he might as well prepare to switch factions and live somewhere else entirely.
Gion, meanwhile, suddenly felt a chill run down her body, as if someone out there meant harm to the future Admiral Gion.
What she failed to notice was that the Uchiha Madara walking behind her was radiating an increasingly dangerous aura.
Completely unaware of the malicious intent behind her, Gion skipped ahead cheerfully.
In her mind, it was just a simple test.
When the time came, she'd just pretend to be pitiful for a bit, and that evil Uchiha would probably let her off.