Cao Zhong didn't dare say another word in the group chat.
On the surface, that video had looked like a wholesome family comedy about finding Kunikuzushi a father figure.
In reality, it was a full public exposé of his shameless scoundrel behaviour.
If he kept swaggering around the group chat right now, that would be like holding a torch in a outhouse — asking to die.
He closed the chat and pressed on toward Liyue Harbor.
The wilds of Teyvat were filled with danger.
Along the way, Cao Zhong had lost count of how many times he'd run into trouble — Hilichurls, Whopperflowers, Slimes.
None of it posed any real threat to him, but for an ordinary person, any one of those could be lethal.
That was precisely why travel between nations on the continent of Teyvat was so difficult. Every year, countless lives were claimed by monsters in the wilderness.
Fortunately, with Cao Zhong's formidable strength, he ploughed through everything in his path without wasting much time at all.
The route to Liyue Harbor, of course, ran through Dihua Marsh, past Wangshu Inn, then through Guili Plains, before finally arriving at Liyue Harbor proper.
On the in-game map, the distances looked modest enough.
In the real world, it was an entirely different story — the journey was immense.
Before long, Cao Zhong arrived at Wangshu Inn.
He looked up at the inn perched atop its enormous stone pillar and couldn't help but marvel at the ingenuity of the people of Liyue.
From the southern side of Wangshu Inn, one could gaze out over Guili Plains and, far across the sea, catch a glimpse of the solitary Guyun Stone Forest.
In the light of the setting sun, the entire ocean surface seemed gilded — shimmering with warm, brilliant gold.
For a moment, Cao Zhong stood there, heart quietly full of admiration.
"Hey! Isn't that Cao Zhong? Cao-boss?"
Just as Cao Zhong was still soaking in the beauty of the sunset, a clear, resonant voice rang out behind him.
He turned.
Walking toward him was a young man of striking, almost otherworldly handsomeness — a face like frost-carved jade, clean and radiant.
"Well, well, well — if it isn't young Chongyun!"
Cao Zhong couldn't help but appreciate it. The kid was genuinely good-looking. Only slightly less so than himself, by maybe a hundred-millionth of a margin.
As Chongyun drew closer, Cao Zhong felt it — a wave of intense heat radiating from him.
Pure Yang Constitution.
Right, Cao Zhong recalled — in the game's lore, Chongyun was born with an innate ability called the Pure Yang Constitution. An exceptionally rare and volatile physique that caused Yang energy to radiate constantly from its bearer. Left unchecked, it could tip the person into an uncontrolled state of overstimulation.
The Pure Yang Constitution had its advantages, certainly — it gave Chongyun a considerable edge in exorcising demons and evil spirits, saving him a great deal of effort. But it also made his daily life a minefield of restrictions.
No direct sunlight. No hot drinks. No spicy food. No physical intimacy. No dating. No... anything fun.
This wasn't a Pure Yang Constitution. This was a Lifelong Singleton Constitution.
No wonder the man was this handsome and still didn't have a girlfriend.
Not that he wouldn't — more that he simply couldn't.
But then — the thought of Chongyun's rather attractive auntie crossed his mind.
The corner of Cao Zhong's mouth curved upward almost imperceptibly.
Fortune comes to those who don't even look for it.
"Chongyun, my friend! I feel like I've known you my whole life — come on, let's eat and drink until we can't stand up!"
Cao Zhong's enthusiasm was something to behold. He grabbed Chongyun by the arm and steered him toward a table at Wangshu Inn before the young exorcist had a chance to react.
Anyone watching would have assumed these were long-lost best friends reuniting after years apart.
"Huh? Cao-boss — wait — hold on a second!"
By the time Chongyun found himself seated at a dining table, he was still completely baffled.
What on earth is happening.
This was literally his first time meeting Cao Zhong. He'd only called out to him because Cao Zhong was so famous at this point that you'd have to be living under a rock not to recognise him.
But the man's warmth was borderline excessive.
It was so intense, in fact, that Chongyun could feel his Pure Yang Constitution starting to act up.
There was an old saying in Liyue: Unsolicited warmth means trouble — it's either a swindler or a thief.
That's exactly what this felt like right now.
But what do I have that he could possibly want?
Chongyun turned the question over in his mind. From what the group chat had shown him about Cao Zhong, the man was a certified menace with a weakness for pretty girls. The moment he spotted one he liked, he was already making his move.
But Chongyun had no sisters. No female relatives of that sort.
That realisation was oddly reassuring.
No sisters. Nothing to worry about.
Maybe he genuinely wants to befriend someone who does proper exorcism work. Maybe this is professional respect.
A quiet swell of pride rose in Chongyun's chest.
If he weren't currently sitting at a dining table, he'd have already sent Xingqiu a video.
Mate. Look at this. The celebrity Cao Zhong is fighting for a chance to eat with me. I've made it.
When Chongyun looked down at the table and saw that Cao Zhong had ordered nothing but cold dishes, his delight was complete.
He really does know me. He really is my person.
Something in Chongyun cracked open all at once — the feeling of finding someone he could actually talk to.
"Cao-bro, I have to tell you — you're the first person who's ever really understood me. Every time someone takes me out for a meal, it's always hot food, you don't even know how many times I've had to sit there and—"
Chongyun grabbed Cao Zhong's hand and began to pour out every grievance he'd accumulated over the years — like someone finally tipping over a jar that had been packed too full for too long.
People teasing him. Never having a girlfriend. Not even being able to take the edge off on his own—
Cao Zhong sat there, increasingly stunned.
We're barely through the cold dishes. No one's even had a drink yet. How did we get here.
Still — watching Chongyun like this, he actually felt a pang of something like sympathy.
He thought for a moment.
He remembered something he'd received earlier as a slacking-off reward — a legendary martial arts manual, as it happened. It was rather well-suited to Chongyun's situation. Why not give it to him? And if Chongyun was moved enough to introduce his auntie, well — that would be a tremendous profit on a very small investment.
Chongyun eventually came back to himself, took a calm sip of his plain cold water, and gave Cao Zhong an embarrassed smile.
"That was... I'm sorry about that. You must think I'm ridiculous."
"What are you saying? What kind of talk is that between brothers? That's far too formal for the two of us. From now on, whatever's on your mind — come tell me. I'm a very good listener."
Cao Zhong waved a generous hand. Brothers ought to be of one heart.
Chongyun was so moved he was practically tearful.
A true friend. A real one.
"Cao-bro, my only regret is not meeting you sooner."
Cao Zhong decided the moment was ripe. If he didn't cast the line now, the fish would swim away.
"Little brother, I happen to know of a technique — one that could relieve you of the restlessness that plagues your body, help you channel and consolidate your Yang energy, and advance your cultivation considerably. Might you be interested?"
"Come on, Big Bro — don't joke with me. This constitution of mine is a lost cause."
Chongyun took a despondent sip of water, his self-deprecation coming out flat and practised.
Cao Zhong only smiled and said nothing, watching him steadily.
That silence made the hairs on Chongyun's arms stand up.
Could it be... is it actually possible... that he really has something like that?
His heart was clawing at itself.
Looking at Cao Zhong's utterly composed expression, then thinking about his social circle — his friendship with the Anemo Archon, the rumours about him and the Shogun — Chongyun felt something shift.
Right. Of course. Who is Cao Zhong?
A man who calls the Anemo Archon a friend. A man rumoured to be pursuing the Electro Archon herself. A man who once took on the Stormterror.
A man like that having a technique to remedy the Pure Yang Constitution was completely plausible.
Chongyun's composure cracked. He clamped down hard on the surge of emotion, refusing to let himself spiral.
He looked at Cao Zhong with the most sincere expression he could manage.
"I have drifted through half my life without finding a worthy master. If you would not think less of me... I would like to take you as my sworn father."
Excellent. Halfway there.
Cao Zhong's elation was entirely internal. On the outside, he didn't so much as blink.
"What kind of talk is that? We're brothers — we can't be going around calling each other father and son."
He appeared to think for a moment, then continued.
"I do have a method. It could free you from this affliction. Only..."
He adopted an expression of theatrical reluctance.
"Only what...?"
Chongyun was on the edge of his seat. This was a matter that concerned whether he could ever be a real man — it concerned the continuation of his entire lineage!
"Only this technique has one small drawback. In order to master it... you must first castrate yourself."
Cao Zhong delivered this with a straight face.
"...What?"
All the colour drained from Chongyun's face. He sank back into his chair, hollowed out.
Hope had appeared for the first time in years — and immediately shattered.
Is it really this hard to just be a complete man?
No... no...
This is too cruel. I can't. I won't.
Cao Zhong looked at the devastation written across Chongyun's face and immediately felt terrible.
Okay, I went too far.
"Hey — little brother — I was joking. I made that part up."
He caved.
"Big Bro, you..."
Chongyun stared at him with the aggrieved expression of someone who had been deeply wronged — like a young bride left at the altar.
Cao Zhong flipped his palm open, and a tome appeared in his hand, radiating golden light. Four large characters were emblazoned across its cover:
Nine Yang Scripture.
Chongyun's breath caught.
This is it. This feels right.
The book drew him in with a pull that felt almost fated — as if it had been written for him specifically.
Gulp.
He swallowed hard.
"Big Bro... is that for me?"
Obviously.
Cao Zhong took a composed sip of tea.
Go ahead and cry if you need to.
Chongyun took the Nine Yang Scripture in both hands and cradled it with extraordinary care, as though the slightest carelessness might chip a corner.
His happiness for the rest of his life depended on this.
"Big Bro, your generosity is beyond repayment. I will never forget it for as long as I live. Whatever you need — name it. I'll walk through fire, climb any mountain, face any danger without hesitation."
He looked at Cao Zhong with an expression of absolute gravity.
Just what I was waiting for.
"Chongyun." Cao Zhong smiled pleasantly. "You don't want your auntie to stay single for the rest of her life, do you?"
Pfft—
Chongyun sprayed his mouthful of cold water clean across the table.
He stared at Cao Zhong with a look of utter disbelief.
How did he know about his auntie?
He had thought that having no sisters was his protection. His shield.
It had never occurred to him that the man had simply been waiting further down the road.
That's his beloved auntie.
Chongyun quietly set the Nine Yang Scripture back down on the table.
"That," he said, his voice very composed, "is my dearest auntie. I can't do that."
[Ding — a new video is now playing!]
[Kaeya]: What's happening here? Another flag being raised? Not learning from the past, are we?
[Venti]: Please give your pick for the star of this video. A: Cao Zhong. B: Cao Zhong. C: Cao Zhong. D: Cao Zhong.
[Hu Tao]: @Venti You really do understand Cao Zhong.
[Xingqiu]: Hurry up, let's go, let's go!
At Wangshu Inn, Chongyun stared at the group chat notification and felt his toes curling so hard they could've built a three-bedroom flat.
He quietly picked the Nine Yang Scripture back up off the table.
"Well... actually..."
He took a measured sip of cold water.
"...Actually, I've been thinking my auntie really should find someone to spend her life with."
"Big Bro — if you're willing — why don't I introduce her to you?"
Cao Zhong's heart leapt. All that setup. All that patience. This was exactly what he'd been building toward.
"Then I'll keep calling you Chongyun, little brother — and you can just call me xiao-yi-fu. We'll each use our own titles!"
(TL note: xiao-yi-fu — "little auntie's husband"; the joke mirrors Cao Zhong's earlier gag with Kunikuzushi in Ch. 68, where he suggested they swap titles in a similarly absurd direction.)
Why does that sound so familiar...
Chongyun frowned, quietly turning the phrase over in his head.