There is never any shortage of people in this world who live for the spectacle — not at any hour, not under any circumstance.
The moment Cao Zhong posted the video to the group chat, a whole swarm of lurkers surfaced at once.
[Hu Tao: I knew it. I just KNEW it. Videos that have anything to do with Boss Cao never disappoint.]
[Cao Zhong: What does this have to do with me?! (furious)]
[Xingqiu: As expected — wherever there is a Sleeping Dragon, a Young Phoenix is never far behind.]
[Bennett: I'm sorry, Kaeya, Venti — we can't be friends anymore. My mom said I'm not allowed to play with people who have no brain cells.]
[Kamisato Ayato: I used to think Itto-bro was in a league of his own, but it turns out there are two more warriors of comparable courage in this world. Whose friends are they? Oh — Cao Zhong's? Never mind then.]
[Cao Zhong: ???]
[Arataki Itto: Hey! I actually think Kaeya and Venti did pretty well! I'm not even sure I could've come up with something that good! They're so smart!]
[Kamisato Ayato: ...]
[Kuki Shinobu: …Boss. Your new manga volume arrived. Stop lurking in the chat and go read it.]
[Kamisato Ayato: Alright, I stand corrected. Arataki Itto occupies Tier One of his own. Cao Zhong, Kaeya, and Venti share Tier Two.]
[Hu Tao: Hisss~ The Clan Head's damage output is genuinely terrifying.]
[Thoma: That was a clean hit. I fully endorse the Clan Head's attack power.]
[Cao Zhong: Ha. That level of damage? Back in Zuan, that wouldn't even be enough to protect your own parents. And you dare bark at me?]
[Kamisato Ayato: @Cao Zhong — Don't just talk. Show us what you've got.]
[Hu Tao: @Cao Zhong — Give him a taste of Mondstadt's finest!]
[Yae Miko: @Cao Zhong — Show him what you're made of! Give him a little Mondstadt shock!]
[Xingqiu: You're all just here for the chaos, aren't you? …Same honestly. Heheh!]
[Bennett: What is wrong with all of you! Always stirring things up and fanning the flames. Can't you all take a page from my book?]
[Bennett: @Cao Zhong — If you don't roast Kamisato Ayato today, I'm coming for you instead!]
[Cao Zhong: ???]
[Hu Tao: Bennett, you've gone down a dark path!]
[Bennett: When your friends are Cao Zhong, Kaeya, and Venti, it's really hard not to.]
[Kamisato Ayato: Words of wisdom.]
[Cao Zhong: @Kamisato Ayato — Dear brother-in-law, Ayaka and I are getting married next month. Will you be attending the wedding?]
[Xingqiu: !!!]
[Bennett: !!!!]
[Jean: ????]
[Barbara: Oh, how wonderful. Cao Zhong, you've really outdone yourself.]
[Amber: @Cao Zhong — You have no heart! I was here first!]
[Eula: Cao Zhong, you have wronged me. I will remember this grudge.]
...
[Inazuma Citizen A: @Cao Zhong — What have you done to Lady Kamisato?! My Lady Kamisato!!!]
[Inazuma Citizen B: Can somebody reign him in?! He caused chaos in Mondstadt, then Inazuma — is he going to work his way through Liyue next? Is his goal to leave all of Teyvat in ruins?!]
...
[Inazuma Citizen X: This man deserves everything coming to him. I've ground my back teeth to dust.]
[Kamisato Ayaka: It's not like that — please everyone, let me explain — we haven't——]
[Cao Zhong: We know we should have told everyone sooner — that's our fault. But please stop attacking us. Could you all just give us your blessings?]
[Kamisato Ayaka: No no no, that's not it — we haven't—— wuwuwu~~~~]
[Kamisato Ayato: @Cao Zhong — You little wretch. Where's my sword. WHERE IS MY SWORD.]
[Cao Zhong: @Kamisato Ayato — Brother-in-law, what are you looking for? Let me help you find it!]
[Kamisato Ayato: @Cao Zhong — Give me your location. I'm heading to Mondstadt right now. I am going to end you.]
[Cao Zhong: @Kamisato Ayato — Hey, hey — don't let yourself get so worked up, it's bad for the liver. If something happens to you, how am I supposed to face Ayaka?]
[Kamisato Ayato: Thoma, go prepare the ship. I'm going to Mondstadt to kill this thing.]
[Thoma: I can't do that, my Lord — the Vision Hunt Decree is still in effect. Sailing is prohibited.]
[Kujou Sara: @Kamisato Ayato — As a lord of Inazuma, you cannot knowingly break the law! I understand you're in a hurry, but please — take a breath first!]
[Kamisato Ayaka: Brother, please trust me — we really haven't——]
[Cao Zhong: We really don't have any children yet!]
[Kamisato Ayato: Nooooooo~~~]
[Hu Tao: OBLITERATED. Boss Cao is something else!]
[Xingqiu: Boss Cao truly understands the art of destroying a man from the inside out.]
[Chongyun: Thank the Cryo Archon I don't have a sister. Otherwise I'd genuinely be worried about ending up like the Kamisato Clan Head.]
[Cao Zhong: What do you mean by that? What kind of person do you take me for — someone who goes after his friends' family members?]
At the Angel's Share,
Cao Zhong casually closed the group chat. That level of banter really was getting a bit too easy.
"Shameless," Lumine muttered, watching Cao Zhong's insufferably smug expression.
"Did something happen?" Venti and Kaeya asked, looking puzzled.
"Check the group chat yourselves — it's very entertaining."
Lumine was quite curious what expression Venti and Kaeya would make once they discovered Cao Zhong had posted their embarrassing moment for the whole world to see.
But at the mention of the group chat, Venti and Kaeya had their own grievances to air.
"You don't understand — Diluc won't let us check the chat during working hours."
"It's worse than death. I feel like ants are crawling all over me."
The two of them took turns denouncing Diluc, utterly failing to notice that Diluc had appeared directly behind them.
"You two — slacking off during work hours. That's ten extra days added to your debt repayment."
Diluc seized both of them by the scruff of their collars and bellowed.
"No — we understand, we're sorry!"
"B-Brother…"
"F-Foster father…"
Diluc watched the two of them scramble back to work and shook his head with a long-suffering sigh.
It was genuinely difficult to believe. One was the Anemo Archon of Mondstadt. The other was the Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius.
Mondstadt was truly beyond saving. As usual, it seemed it would fall to the Darknight Hero to hold things together.
Then Diluc's gaze drifted to Cao Zhong, and his expression became complicated.
This was the man who had saved Mondstadt.
And yet — this man was, in measurable ways, a disaster.
By now, Cao Zhong's reputation had spread across all of Teyvat: the founding patriarch of scoundrelhood himself.
Word had it that over in Liyue, an entire religious sect had formed in his name — apparently called the Seed Sect or something of the sort.
The damage he caused wherever he went was incalculable.
Feeling Diluc's stare, Cao Zhong shuddered visibly. "What are you looking at? I'm not interested in men. If you want someone with that kind of flair, go find Kaeya — he swings that way."
Diluc's expression went dark. Who in their right mind is interested in YOU? I also like women, thank you.
Though — Kaeya swinging that way?
Despite the deep divide in their outlooks and beliefs, if someone was going to slander his sworn brother, Diluc would have no problem personally dealing with whoever was spreading such rumours.
"Mister Cao Zhong," Diluc said, his tone carefully measured, "I understand that you're capable. But that's no reason to spread baseless rumours about people."
He held Cao Zhong's gaze, waiting for an explanation.
Cao Zhong read the skepticism in Diluc's eyes and gave an easy shrug.
"Kaeya and I — we're the best of friends."
"Of course I know him. And if you don't believe me, just look at him and Venti right now. Doesn't that look like closeness to you?"
Diluc turned.
Sure enough — Kaeya had his arm slung around Venti's neck, while Venti's arm was wrapped around Kaeya's waist.
Hisss.
Diluc stared, genuinely taken aback, then turned back to Cao Zhong with a very serious expression.
"Those two — what exactly is their relationship?"
"Their relationship?"
Cao Zhong thought it over, and his mind drifted to the time the three of them had spent at the bathhouse together.
"Nothing left to hide from each other, I'd say."
…Oh.
One of Diluc's signature stray hairs drooped. Something in him went very wrong.
"You're joking."
"Joking? Not at all. Don't believe me? Ask them yourself."
Cao Zhong sipped his apple cider contentedly.
Diluc hesitated, looking at Cao Zhong's utterly earnest face.
Could Kaeya really be…
Wait — Diluc, what are you even thinking right now?
Kaeya is your sworn brother. You should trust him.
In the end, Diluc couldn't quite let it go.
"Is something the matter?" Kaeya asked, looking at his sworn brother with mild confusion. Since that incident, the two of them rarely had private conversations anymore.
"It's, um…"
Diluc thought about how to phrase it and found the words difficult to form.
He sighed.
Well. Kaeya was his sworn brother. If he didn't look out for him, who would?
"Is there… someone you care about these days?"
Diluc asked, with the maximum possible tact.
"Hm? Someone I care about?"
Kaeya blinked. He hadn't expected that question from Diluc of all people.
Still, he thought about it.
He snuck a sideways glance at Diluc.
My oblivious idiot of a brother. The person I care about most is standing right in front of me.
"…I suppose you could say there is."
I suppose…
Another of Diluc's stray hairs drooped at that answer.
So Kaeya really is…
No.
I need to ask more.
"Does this person have a braid?"
"Of course."
"They seem cold and unapproachable, but they're actually kind-hearted?"
"Yes."
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Now Diluc's hair wasn't just drooping — a thin sweat had broken out on his brow.
"And — are there many obstacles standing between the two of you?"
Kaeya considered that.
There were certainly plenty of misunderstandings between him and Diluc, born from the differences in how they thought and what they stood for.
So he answered honestly.
"Yes. Very much so."
That was the final blow. Diluc went completely blank.
Kaeya really…
I can't process this.
"AHAHAHAHAHA—"
Cao Zhong had been watching from the sidelines and could no longer contain himself. He erupted in laughter so loud the whole tavern looked over.
"Hey — you two have been acting strange since just now. What on earth is going on?"
Kaeya looked between Diluc and Cao Zhong with the air of someone who didn't understand anything but was absolutely certain something was being kept from him.
"Nothing. Wishing you happiness."
Diluc gave Kaeya a meaningful pat on the shoulder.
"What does that mean?"
Kaeya was lost.
"He's wishing you and Venti well," Cao Zhong managed, barely holding himself together.
"Me and Venti?"
"I'm involved in this?"
Venti and Kaeya wore identical expressions of total bewilderment.
"Aren't you two…?" Diluc said, with the air of a man who had it all figured out.
"You'd better start explaining."
Kaeya and Venti's expressions darkened in unison — the kind of look that said tell us the truth right now or we will end you.
Diluc, seeing that they genuinely had no idea what he was talking about, relented and walked them through everything Cao Zhong had said.
"Ah. Right. I forgot to bring in my laundry. Going to go take care of that."
And with that, Cao Zhong bolted for the door — his laughter trailing behind him long after he'd disappeared into the Mondstadt night.
By the time Venti and Kaeya had pieced together the full picture of how thoroughly they had been played, the culprit was long gone.
"CAO ZHONG — I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THIS!"