| At your local Waffle House |
Andrew, a waffle house waiter, couldn't help but curse at his manager in his mind.
He couldn't believe his Manager Karen actually drove to his house in a category 5 hurricane.
Just to have him open the restaurant with her because apparently a category 5 hurricane isn't a code red.
"I should've never answered the phone when she called. I tried every excuse in the book and yet she still showed up, honking endlessly outside until I finally stepped outside."
Andrew then looked outside at the tree flying through the air at about 40mph straight into some poor person's house.
"If only that tree was directed towards the store, maybe I'd get a proper reason to go home."
'Bzzzt'
Andrew felt the phone in his pocket ring and took it out.
Looking at the newest notification, he saw that one of his favorite youtubers, Majorkill had uploaded a new video.
The title of the video was, "The God Emperor Of Mankind EXPLAINED By An Australian | Warhammer 40k Lore"
"Hey this looks interesting."
Taking a quick look around the restaurant, he didn't see Karen anywhere.
She was probably doing nothing in the manager's office.
Then he looked outside at the flying debris and endless rain.
"Yeah no one's coming here besides maybe CaseOh, so it wouldn't hurt to watch this. After all there's nothing else better to do."
Clicking on the notification, it then opened the link straight to the video and he heard the familiar, "G'Day guys and gal."
Andrew listened to the narration of how the Emperor tried to lead mankind but failed and became a shrieking vegetable on a golden toilet.
After the video ended, Andrew thought to himself.
"Wow the Emperor was a dick."
He thought to himself.
"If the Emperor had just spoken the truth more he probably would have won the great game with ease."
Then he said out loud, "I bet I could have done better."
'Ding'
Hearing the doorbell ring, Andrew looked up from his phone towards the door. He was expecting to see CaseOh or some other deranged customer. Because after all there is an ongoing category 5 hurricane outside. But to his utter confusion there was no one there.
Instead he looked outside the waffle house and up in the sky. He saw an apparition of a skeleton holding a golden chair over its head. Then to Andrew's utter horror, the skeleton swung it down.
Everything became a blinding gold, then an endless darkness.
________________
792.M30
| In hidden a gene-vault laboratories deep beneath the Imperial Palace |
"Where am I?"
I looked around in utter confusion.
"I'm surrounded by some kind of optical illusion full of twisting colors."
I started rubbing my eyes but then I felt pain coming from my left eye. I had scratched myself badly with something.
Groaning in pain, I glanced at my left hand and to my utter dismay. I saw a golden five finger claw.
"Why in the world would I have a golden claw on my left hand? How am I supposed to safely scratch my back now?"
But before I could even ponder more about the golden claw and the golden armor I am in. I felt a horrible sensation in my head.
"Why does it feel like my skull is about to split open?"
As I held my head in pain, I began to realize something about my surroundings. Not only was it ugly and weird. It even felt alive, as if I was being watched.
"I can feel the gazes of one? No… Four beings."
I frowned then, slowly I saw their forms. Four hideous looking demons looking down at me. As I kept my eyes focused on them, they began to speak. But all I could hear was incomprehensible noises.
It was as if they each had their own background music, or rather boss music?
First I heard endless moaning, as if in extreme pain. Stepping on a lego kind but... For some reason I also seem to hear pleasure mixed in.
And I froze and wondered.
"What kind of sick masochistic being is this? I need a trusted adult."
Then I heard a edgy loud voice that sounded like it had multiple mad mic filters say.
"I will kill you and mount your skull on my throne."
I felt confused, was this rage bait or something? If it was he should take notes from OG Call of Duty players."
All of a sudden I heard a low but fast.
"Loremipsumdolorsitamet,consecteturadipiscingelit,sed doeiusmodtemporincididuntut,laboreetdoloremagnaaliqua."
It felt like I was stuck in an auditorium with a bunch of people with unprecedented levels of ADHD all talking at once.
As I drew in a breath to try and calm down, and figure out what was happening. I gagged as not only did I smell but also tasted some horridly foul air. In the background I heard repeated.
"Ppppprrrrrrrrrrtttt. KISHISHISHI!"
Someone with a terrible diet keeps farting and laughing like a maniac, as if they didn't just unleash a nose nuke of unholy biblical proportions.
Andrew who was being bombarded with all these sensations finally had enough and screamed out.
"LEAVE ME ALONE."
A weird golden light burst from his body and began to burn everything around him. Slowly all these weird optical illusions were starting to fade or rather the area around me seemed to start to stabilize.
Collectively all four demons said together, "You have reneged on the deal, now you shall pay the price."
Andrew froze for a second wondering.
"What deal, well whatever I'll just curse them back."
He stuck up the middle finger at the four demons and replied.
"Keep crying B!#%&$."
The four demons bristled in anger and screamed out.
"Anathema, you will regret this!!!"
Finally as if it was just a bad dream. All the twisting optical illusions, endless noise, and terrible smell were gone. I found myself in a large quiet room. One that looked like some kind of gothic steampunk laboratory. It had a bunch of numbered pods in roman numerals.
Looking away from the pods for a moment, Andrew who could finally think and breathe clearly. Began to recall what he last saw before in this bizarre nightmarish dream. A skeleton with a golden chair hitting him for no reason. Seeing golden then darkness.
Andrew started to pinch his face praying that he was in a dream or something. Because there is simply no way he could believe that he got slapped by a skeleton with a golden chair. Then had an argument with four ugly demons.
'Stomp, Stomp'
Hearing noises of multiple beings rushing towards me, I began to panic. Just from the sound of it I can tell they are probably around 6'5 and angry.
As I slowly turned around, first seeing them from the corner of my eye. A bunch of short exquisitely golden armored men holding spears and shields. The leading mohawk golden armored man looked up towards me and began to speak.
"My Liege are you unhar-"
Then the mohawk golden armored man froze as he looked upon my face when I fully turned around.
"I am a failure."
Thought the Captain General Constantin Valdor in absolute shame in himself and rage at the aggressors. As he gazed at his liege's stern face. Which now had a three striped claw mark over his left eye.
To think his liege faced enemies who can wound him. And I, we his custodians, his shield, his protectors. Couldn't perform their one and only duty.
Valdor and the other custodes knelt on one knee and said.
"My Liege, we have failed you and deserve death."
Andrew looked on in utter shock at the kneeling mohawk man and other short golden armored men. Then in his mind he screamed out,
"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, NOOOOO THIS ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT BE REAL."
He reflected on all his sudden experiences that reminded him of a certain franchise. The weird skeleton with a golden chair, 4 ugly demons–wait no daemons. A golden claw on his left hand, the grand golden armor he was wearing.
Now finally as he looked upon the mohawk man and short golden armored men. He realized that these men kneeling before him were the custodes lead by Captain General Constantin Valdor.
And even worse they even called him "My Liege." Valdor and the custodes are characters from one of his favorite franchises, Warhammer 40k.
A franchise with a lot of lore and interesting characters, just reading one story could increase a man's testosterone. But if one thing was agreed upon by everyone who knows about this franchise is that.
Nobody would ever want to find themselves in this cruel galaxy of endless wars. A galaxy full of horrors and endless war, a place where reason, logic, and all hope dies.
As reality caught up to him, he began to fully realize his actions and just how cooked he was.
Andrew thought back to how he boldly cursed at the four main chaos daemons.
Then looked again upon the custodes kneeling before him. Who would most definitely kill him if they found out he is an imposter.
Andrew had one thought going through his head.
"Yeah I'm dead."
-To Be Continued...
(A/N: Lmk if any of the writing feels off.)