Dust puffed, and a stench wafted through each spiralled cloud. Tao Hua nearly fell backward, startled. His only saving grace had been Shan Si's hand on his back. Once steadied, Tao Hua's pupils shrank at what lay ahead of him.
Immediately jumping into action and pulling Tao Hua behind him, Shan SI unsheathed his sword faster than a flash of lightning. He shielded the two of them, his eyes squinting at the object.
Expression hardening, his stance remained firm and his knuckles whitened over the sword's hilt. He'd been on high alert since the capital, so this was a very expected reaction.
Soon after, the tenseness of his muscles eased, and he let out a relieved sigh. Tao Hua, however, was the opposite. His breathing hastened, trembling at the sight on the ground. Fear locked him in place, and no matter his horror, he couldn't seem to peel his unsteady eyes away from the grotesque sight.
This was the first he'd ever seen such a corpse, and it wasn't a mere skeletal type, but a person gone grey, as if preserved. Welts appeared all over its body, and its eyes had yet to deteriorate.
He had to hold a hand to his mouth to prevent not only a cry but also to fight back against the overwhelming nausea that threatened him. The smell was simply that horrendous.
"W-Why?!" Tao Hua shouted in repulsion.
Click. Woosh!
The body was set aflame in an instant, but for some reason it seemed to fare well even against Shan Si's cultivation. Tao Hua wasn't sure if that was due to Shan Si's energy levels or the body itself.
"Stubborn elder refusing to leave their hometown. Likely thought they could survive…whatever this is," Shan Si answered, then muttered to himself. It was clear he was as confused as Tao Hua on this matter. "This…why does this look recent? It can't be. Did something to stop the decomposition?"
"…" Tao Hua's eyes widened sternly, and he reached to clutch Shan Si's upper sleeve. "W-What about Miss Gui?!"
Shan Si frowned, staring down at the body, before extending his arm over to Tao Hua. Past the back of his head, and curving around, he sheltered his eyes with his hand.
Instead of responding to Tao Hua's inquiry, he continued muttering to himself. The moment he came to a damning realisation, he said, "I…I think I'll have to go to Tao Estate sooner than I initially thought."
After seeing something like this? After a bit of choking, Tao Hua finally repeated, "Why?"
"First and foremost, you want your friend, right?"
Tao Hua slowly nodded his head, biting his lower lip.
"Your father also mentioned a lot of things that shouldn't be ignored. If he knows something, then…that could be the information we've been looking for, right under our noses. It just…feels like none of this is a coincidence we think it is," Shan Si said, "I could also assess the situation at that shit town and decide if it's all linked. Whatever this is won't affect me anyhow."
"…" Tao Hua frowned, bringing his hand up to cover his nose as well. If things were as coincidental as he suggested, then what did he mean by that? Was this also due to the curse that plagued Jianlai, too?
"The books, journals, scrolls…the amount of information outside of my grasp is endless. None of this feels right."
"Why not the Imperial Palace?"
"…" Shan Si remained quiet as the fire crackled. The fire's heat began to die down, and when it wasn't as sweltering, he commented, "Trust me when I say the emperor is nothing more than a puppet."
But he kept it there, and it was clear in his tightening muscles, gritted teeth, and hatred-oozing tone that Shan Si didn't want to discuss the matter further. He took Tao Hua away from the burning body and brought him into a house that was only half as bad as the others.
Toward a rickety table, he helped Tao Hua take a seat and crouched next to him. In slow, circular motions, he started rubbing his back, allowing Tao Hua to regain his composure after such a gruelling shock.
"Was that your first time?" Shan Si asked.
He was likely referring to seeing death, or the process of death. Tao Hua nodded.
"I'm…I'm sorry you had to see that, Tao Hua," Shan Si frowned as Tao Hua shook his head. "Seeing that…it's never easy for a first time. I'll make sure to survey the town and make sure there isn't any more around. You…of all people shouldn't have to be exposed to the cruel state of the world."
Tao Hua placed his hands on his lap, looking down at them. He wasn't sure how to feel about Shan Si's obligation.
He was right; the sight was terrible, and he still couldn't get the images out of his head. But it wasn't as bad when he was next to Shan Si, and yet Shan Si couldn't see that. How often did Shan Si have to see something like this for him to act so nonchalant and unbothered?
Or…perhaps Tao Hua was too sheltered, never having to face such hardships. So, whatever fear remained, he had to wipe it away lest Shan Si think of him as too weak to even respond to his own father.
"So…" Tao Hua began, pinching his thumb, changing the subject. "When are we going?"
"…" Shan Si froze. "What do you mean?"
"When are we going back to Siyue Town?"
"This…is a dangerous situation. I don't even know if you should be here right now," Shan Si looked down at the wooden floor. Since his conversation with Master Tao, Shan Si had been on high alert, and his mind ran ragged with a million possibilities. He was reluctant to explain, so he just added, "It's better if I do this on my own--"
"No!" Tao Hua protested. It felt like his heart had skipped a few beats, and he glared at Shan Si once more. "You promised me! We'd do this together—figure it out together! Why do you keep acting like I'm a burden who only causes you problems, Shan Si?! I'll be fine, I've already gotten over it by now. See, I'm fine! Look! I swear…"
"..." Shan Si frowned, unable to look at Tao Hua or his half-sincere commentary. There was clearly more to it than just the corpse; however, he just brushed the subject aside. "I'm sorry, Tao Hua...you have all rights to feel the way you do. Let's drop it for now. I won't be able to go for a few months, anyway."
"That doesn't change anything! You act like you're the only one here who has reason to worry! But…I care too." Tao Hua's face trembled as he tore his gaze away, directing it back down to his hands. Quietly, he said, "I want to break this curse with you…and…I…I know the layout of the estate better than you do and Miss Gui trusts me. Let me be useful."
Eyes pinned on Tao Hua, Shan Si balked for a while. There was more stirring in his mind that perhaps Tao Hua wasn't aware of, and why he was far more cautious than he had been for the last two hundred years.
But certain truths held consequences and could destroy a person's resolve. They were especially dangerous without facts, and to him, being the outlet for Tao Hua's frustration was better than watching Tao Hua cry over what he couldn't control.
Therefore, he chose silence.
Shan Si continued to console Tao Hua, helping him calm down; however, nothing quite seemed to be working and the panic attack only rose higher. The feeling practically crowded Tao Hua's chest uncomfortably.
The moment he finally looked up at Shan Si, that feeling didn't withdraw. It fastened itself on Shan Si's distracted expression, one in thought but also one that showed worry.
But he also looked exhausted.
A bad feeling arose, one that unfortunately had him questioning the legitimacy of Shan Si's promises. Rather, this was one that had ignited the moment they made their way through the town.
But due to his state of mind, Tao Hua couldn't quite bring it up, not with Shan Si in the current condition he was in. To push anymore onto this man, especially when he stubbornly sacrificed his own hunger, sleep, and comfort all for Tao Hua during their travel. It was the same look as back in the library the night of his return; the same self-deprecating, terrified expression hidden behind exhaustive strength.
He's probably just tired…I mean, I am, so I can only imagine what he's going through.
Even someone as steadfast as Shan Si had uncertainties, and those uncertainties also needed comforting, just as much as Tao Hua's did. He wasn't sure from which seed they sprouted, but they were apparent in the way this man moved unusually slow.
Looking back down at his hands, Tao Hua rubbed his thumb along his palm. Only after the silence was far too much to bear did Tao Hua speak.
"Shan Si…"
Directing his eyes toward Tao Hua, Shan Si patiently waited for him to continue.
"I want you to see me as your equal," Tao Hua admitted with a gentle breath, now aggressively pinching his palms. "If I'm doing things that trouble you, I'd rather us talk it out than having you…react…like that. Please."
"…"
Shan Si could feel his chest constrict. He wanted, so badly, to tell him that the fault wasn't his, but the words just wouldn't surface.
"I…don't ask for much, but if I could ask for something, it's not that you take me with you, or that you allow me to protect you. It's that you see me as a partner and not a responsibility." Tao Hua reached for one of Shan Si's hands. Holding it in both his hands, he gently caressed it. As he spoke, his voice trembled, terrified that he'd say the wrong thing.
"No matter what you do, or how you react—the comments you make when stressed, or the things you don't mean, I'm still so happy I met you, and I want you to trust me as much as you want me to trust you. That also means understanding that I'm not as scared of things when I'm with you. Am I making sense? Maybe I'm talking a lot…"
"No, you barely speak as it is." Shan Si lowered his lashes, staring down at the two hands. They differed greatly between sizes, and seeing the scars only twisted his expression heartbreakingly. "I've been unfair."
"…You have been, I won't absolve you of that…but I also understand what it means to care for someone," Tao Hua replied, his expression softening. "If Shan Si is scared, I'd rather know than have him batter his own heart."
There was no response, but it was the first time in a long time Shan Si felt seen through in a long time. "I'm…sorry, Tao Hua."
"I…I don't mean this to be rude, but I've learnt since meeting you that when being next to someone for so long, you understand their mannerisms. People aren't as hard to read as I once thought. They're actually kinda complex, and you're no different—no curse can change that."
Tao Hua wrapped his hands tightly around Shan Si's. They were trembling, as if one wrong statement would destroy everything he had finally secured. To ensure this wasn't the case, he tried to change the mood. He didn't want to dwell on the horrific scene from earlier, or Shan Si's reaction to things.
He just wanted things to be fine.
"Shan Si…a torturous prince who cannot handle his destructive emotions very well, and he sometimes says things he doesn't mean. He especially tries to act all brooding and tough." Tao Hua faintly smiled with the lightest laugh ever. How he managed this after the turmoil of the earlier situation and the comments, he wasn't sure, but to every person, they had their own strengths. "I see right through it, and I understood that from the moment I chose to stand by your side, this is who I was signing up for."
There was another brief moment of silence before Tao Hua broke it again.
"I think I'm going to put my faith in you, and instead of taking what you said to heart, I'm going to believe you never meant to hurt me with your words," Tao Hua said, his cheeks now awkwardly flaring from his cheeky statements. "Because…I care about you, and I know you care about me too."
Though Tao Hua's words were reassuring, a pit welled in Shan Si's stomach. Like walls breaking down, Shan Si leaned his head down on Tao Hua's lap, burying his face into the warmth, his arms hugging his waist. A comforting stance he hadn't been able to do for many years; centuries, really.
"More than you think," Shan Si replied, muffled against Tao Hua's thighs. "More than I ever thought was possible."
"Then I want you to be vulnerable with me…but I can wait." Tao Hua whispered, gently petting Shan Si's hair soothingly. "And when you're ready, you'll tell me the things you're afraid of admitting. I'd rather hear it from you than someone else, like with the Fall of Jianlai. You're not as scary as you think, and you may act harsh, but you actually have the heart of someone who's overly sacrificial.
"But, Shan Si…I don't want your sacrifice—I just want you. To know about you, the things you admire, and the things you fear. I want you to trust me with all of it."
"I…" Shan Si tightened his grip around Tao Hua's thighs. "I will do my best."
Tao Hua hunched his body over Shan Si's and hugged him. Regardless of the events happening outside the door, or the world that felt like it was collapsing town by town and they had to see more of what they witnessed earlier, Tao Hua didn't feel any fear.
The worst had yet to come, but in comparison to earlier, he was calm, tenderly embracing the warmth of what made him feel completely sane and safe.
"I know you will."
Chapter end.
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End of Act 2
Chuhen Palace