No response was offered to Shan Si's question, but he didn't need an answer. It's like, as said, the two were joined at the hip at this point. If Shan Si couldn't read this man who so easily stitched his heart to his shoulder, then what did that say about him?
Thus, he was caught between his own unfurling heart, listening as Tao Hua tried to convey his feelings. It was such a heartbreaking sight, watching as this tattered soul fell apart at the seams, apologising for the things he wasn't solely responsible for.
Anger also surfaced; anger directed at the very idea that something so out of Tao Hua's control and so insignificant threatened his mental state severely.
To put it bluntly—Shan Si both blamed Tao Hua and didn't at the same time. Most of all, he found himself hating the fact that someone so precious had to survive using these terrible methods in the first place.
Even his own bloodlust prodded past where he had hidden it, rearing its ugly head. He had to do something about the matter, and that thought nearly made him laugh.
Oh, how he'd love to see the faces of all those who claimed he'd never be capable of feeling sentimentality or affection, enough to risk himself.
Idiots.
Suddenly, what started slow hastened, and everything just started to pour out—Tao Hua's fear, anger, anxiety. All that he had bottled up for the last twenty years seemed to puddle in a string of tattered, hasty sentences. This was the second time since their meeting Tao Hua's disintegrated into a blubbering mess of a man in front of Shan Si.
It was quite a spectacle for a crowd of lingering eyes and muttering people, especially after emerging from shoving their way through.
Since when did Shan Si ever care about anyone else? The glares were nothing more than meaningless whispers, and the only thing that mattered was protecting the one ahead of him from such scrutiny.
Face softening, Shan Si frowned, observing as Tao Hua reached his hands up to his eyes, aggressively rubbing the tears away until his cheeks reddened with friction. He tried to mumble his reasoning, one that apologised for not telling him about the treatment from his father or the village people; that he didn't want Shan Si to see him that way. It was the clumsiness explanation possible, all rushed out in the span of a minute or less.
Of course…he completely misunderstood the situation. That only made Shan Si feel worse.
Against his cheek, Tao Hua felt something smudge the tears gently away from his eyes.
"I'm sure that version of you wouldn't have had the courage to shove your father, and I'm certain that you would have found the blame in only yourself," Shan Si said, holding out his arms with a small, sympathetic smile. "You've grown. You're no longer the person from your past…why compare yourself?"
Tao Hua stared at the smile for a moment, tracing along each feature. Every bit felt sincere. Therefore, lunged straight into the invitation, wrapping his arms around Shan Si and burying his face in his chest. A warmth swallowed him the moment he felt a familiar touch entwining its fingers in his hair.
"I handled things awfully, too. It must have scared you." Shan Si patted the back of Tao Hua's head, his other hand readied on the hilt of his sword. "You're not alone. Let's grow from this, together."
"…" Tightened gripped his fingers, tugging at the back of Shan Si's robe. "But…"
"We'll save her," Shan Si assured, as if able to read Tao Hua's mind. The sound of metal scraping slowly and gently sounded against his gradually moving arm, just as his other continued petting the back of Tao Hua's head.
In a state such as this, it wasn't difficult to coax Tao Hua to focus solely on him. It was both a selfish and a loving act.
"But I need you to focus on your own safety before we do that. Let me handle things," Shan Si muttered. "Because I will handle it where you'll never have to deal with…that…anymore."
"…"
"And don't ever do that again," Shan Si's hand momentarily paused. "I'm not asking. All your worries, I expect you to put them on my shoulders."
Tao Hua inhaled, his shoulders rising before collapsing. He nodded, brushing his face against the plain fabric. The sharp aroma of pine engulfed him entirely. The scent was one that he considered calming. Tao Hua quite liked it, so he focused on that instead.
"Promise me."
"…" After a moment of silence, Tao Hua whispered. "I promise."
And right after, Tao Hua felt his body jolt forward, his body engulfed by Shan Si. Though Shan Si's arm extended forward, it didn't wrap around Tao Hua, but the muscles were tensed.
Shing!
An unfamiliar man's low grunt sounded, as if in pain. With a few stomps of their feet followed by the clanging of metal against brick, and the silencing of the crowd around.
Not a murmur, nor a sound. Only the ruffling of fabric, sending the street into an unsettling quiet.
But of course, no silence lasted forever.
Eventually, people gasped, followed by a scream, and steps that multiplied by the dozens.
But even if Tao Hua tried to turn his head to see what was happening, Shan Si kept it held against his chest, leaving his vision impaired. It was as if he wasn't even a part of the show unfolding, and only existed as a bystander.
In a weird way, it helped ease his heart of any uneasiness, even if his fingers cautiously clutched tightly onto the fabric, and his face dug into Shan Si's chest.
The same thing happened a few times, and the entire street was sent into chaos. How Shan Si managed his movements, Tao Hua still couldn't understand, but he was fluid, his other hand moving with both speed and restraint.
If he thought about it, he was a passenger on a boat, stowed away, only able to guess by the movements and direction the boat turned. But if he were to compare it, then Shan Si was a capable captain, his eyes only set on stable waters.
Shan Si kept his breathing minimal and even, remaining in that single spot to ensure Tao Hua was kept in place. The only movement was in his hair and robe, flying in whichever direction Shan Si turned.
If Tao Hua could surmise just by listening, Shan Si was resisting an onslaught of guards. All the while patting Tao Hua's head, and even directing his voice playfully toward him—almost soothing. He spoke about the lanterns, asking Tao Hua to think about those instead.
What a peculiar way to fight.
When the quiet finally draped the streets vacated of civilians and void of guard's clamour, it was likely due to Shan Si's victory. Though he'd seen him countless times showcase his skills training, he'd never once seen him use his sword in an actual exchange.
He never would.
"Promise me another thing," Shan Si said, his movements ceasing.
Tao Hua mumbled in acknowledgment.
"Don't open your eyes until I allow you to."
"…" Tao Hua nodded, closing his eyes. Seemed Shan Si had a problem with the senses this evening. Odd man!
He felt his head tilt back, the darkness behind his eyelids lightening to a gentle orange, before cool air engulfed him, and the hand against his head vacated. He took a step back, feeling his boot nudge into something, but very he could process anything, his wrist was clutched, to which Tao Hua flinched.
"It's just me," Shan Si said, clicking his sword back into its sheath. "This way, Madam Tao."
With his eyes closed, his voice sounded sharper than normal. It was low and pleasing to the ear, enough to calm Tao Hua down. Relaxing, Tao Hua allowed himself to be tugged once more through the aftermath caused by Shan Si.
Perhaps it was inappropriate and not the time… but Tao Hua's heart basically melted each time Shan Si declared his protective stance. To handle everything? He didn't understand why, but it was in these thrilling first times that made him desperate to indulge further with this sinfully illustrated man.
Tao Hua squeezed Shan Si's hand, offering him his full trust in safely manoeuvring the dense Imperial Capital for him.
Through the winding streets, and past the people all muttering, some cowering, Shan Si directed Tao Hua with ease. Only once did he stop, picking up something that sounded as though it was crinkling, dashing ahead. Someone shouted, calling him a thief, but quieted at what could have been mistaken for an arrow piercing through the air with how harshly it was tossed.
It clinked a few times on the ground, bouncing. Yet Tao Hua still couldn't make it out, but whoever was accusing him hadn't spoken again after.
Then, they finally stopped. Rather, Tao Hua continued, and before he rammed into Shan Si, his body was scooped up into a bridal-style carry. It was met with a few jumps, the hollering of angry guards, and just as Tao Hua patted his chest, along his collar, his neck, and up to his cheek. They were tensed into what felt like a smile he wished he could see.
The struggle—he now pitied Weng Jing's circumstances.
Hands cupping Shan Si's face, Tao Hua felt another inappropriate desire surge. He wanted to kiss him.
Instead, he shoved the inclination aside and wrapped his arms around his neck to keep him positioned.
"Can I open them yet…?"
"In a moment," Shan Si said, speaking without an ounce of haste. "I need you to promise me one more thing."
"Another?"
Shan Si laughed softly. "I'm greedy."
The wind flapped their robes against each other, more aggressively than it had before. Where they were standing, it was as if no wall nor building could save them from the biting gales of the autumn cold.
But Tao Hua had long forbade the side of him cautioned him so and thirsted for this greediness. He asked, "What is it?"
"Hold your breath as well; until I tell you it's okay."
"…"
These were rather questionable requests, still based on senses. But Tao Hua nodded, any bit of light against his lids darkened as his body and head was wrapped in fabric.
Woosh!
The wind hastened, blowing harder than ever before. Tao Hua gulped a large sum of air and held it with the tightening of his lips. Shan Si strengthened his hold around Tao Hua enough that it could have left bruises if not for the extra layers of fabric.
Splash!
The wind ceased, and the world around them muffled. As if frozen in time, their robes floated in a loss of gravity, a dagger-like chill encroaching.
Chapter end.