Staring down at the snow-dusted ground, scattered with the petals of the blooming plum blossom trees, Tao Hua's face contorted into a complicated, troubled expression. Shooing Suo Han away wasn't as simple as Tao Hua wished it to be.
He knew exactly what Shan Si was asking, and why the night prior had had no disturbances whatsoever.
"How many times now? This is the second time this week—you need to be straighter than that, arch your back." Helping Tao Hua back up to his xu bu position, Shan Si continued, "How am I supposed to help you if you won't tell me what's going on? Do you think that's fair?"
It wasn't, but what other choice did Tao Hua have?
"I…I'm sorry."
"An apology doesn't answer my question, and don't say it's a onetime-thing, or that it rarely happens. You know how I feel about the lying, Tao Hua," Shan Si lectured, even if his face betrayed his words, laden with a sadness hard to place. "It's been happening every other night—we fall asleep soundly, and then I'm woken up by you shaking and panting in your sleep. That's nothing minor."
For the last few months, Tao Hua's questionable nightmares had become sort of a habit and were only getting worse each dream. Nothing was ever explained, nor did it answer anything, but they'd become more and more gruesome each time.
Since the two continued sharing a bed, it was only natural that Tao Hua woke Shan Si up with his tossing and turning, and whatever else done in his sleep.
This brooding, tall jester of a man was a light sleeper, after all.
The worst was when Tao Hua gasped awake, tears flooding his eyes. It usually took him a few minutes before he finally registered his surroundings and that he wasn't in the dream any longer.
Instead, he was met with Shan Si staring down at him, one hand on his shoulder, and the other helping him up.
And somehow? That always ended up calming Tao Hua down, even if only by a fraction.
But regardless of his efforts, Tao Hua couldn't talk about it. He wanted to, and it was getting to the point of it being too much for even him to handle, but each time he tried, a small reminder resounded in his head.
Shan SI already has too much on his plate; your company only adds to it, Rabbit's Foot. Do be mindful.
Occasionally, it ended up with the two arguing about Tao Hua's reluctance. But for the most part, if Tao Hua couldn't control the waterworks, Shan Si would just wait it out with him, even if it pained him knowing there wasn't anything he could do, the agony wrinkling every crease in his face.
One look at him, and it was difficult to tell if he was angry or sad; perhaps both.
"I'm going to ask you again, so be honest—was it Weng Jing?" Shan Si asked. It was already common knowledge that Tao Hua had visited Weng Jing with Fang Jian while Shan Si was away; that was one of the first bit of intel said to him as soon as he returned. "Because I told you already, if he's done anything to you, just tell me. No…you tell me and only me. Understood?"
There wasn't much Tao Hua could say, so he only nodded, agreeing to Shan Si's expectations before answering his question.
"It's not Daoist Weng…I promise, Shan Si," Tao Hua glanced away, contemplating for a moment. He knew the consequences of telling the truth, and didn't want to brave them. "When I figure it out, I'll tell you."
Luckily, he knew how to end this conversation without it resulting in a fight. It was a foolproof method, one that worked wonders each time it was enacted.
Holding up his arms, with Shan Si still clutched onto his wrist, Tao Hua turned until his arms crisscrossed and Shan Si was forced to let go. After that, he wrapped his arms around his waist, shoving his head straight into the bossy man's chest.
Aside from preventing an argument, Tao Hua also got to enjoy Shan Si's warmth and scent; it was like fire and pine, a beautiful mixture of winter.
And as much as Shan Si wanted to object, he couldn't. His face spoke, "Don't do this—not now," but realistically? He couldn't help himself.
Rarely did Tao Hua initiate intimacy, but when he did…Shan Si couldn't control himself, and it was he who was rendered helpless. How could he refuse?
It had become painstakingly clear throughout the palace just how much Shan Si invested himself in Tao Hua. Many rumoured he finally had a weakness, and that weakness was in a small-town man, as awkward as could be.
But in his mind, that couldn't be further from the truth.
Hand patting the back of Tao Hua's hair, Shan Si let out the world's longest, most fulfilled sigh.
"Eventually, you'll have to tell me."
"I know," Tao Hua replied earnestly. He vowed that one day the truth would emerge when the stakes weren't as high. It pained Tao Hua to lie to Shan Si, especially given the consequences of their first meeting back in Siyue Town.
The last of the training went as typical, and by the end of it, Tao Hua found himself utterly exhausted. Day in and day out, it was the same pose over and over, differing to other stances at times, but all with the same purpose of stillness.
Shan Si's priority was to strengthen Tao Hua's defenses.
When Tao Hua could finally release his pose, he nearly collapsed to the ground like a dead fish. Groaning, he let out a long-winded whine, "My legs hurt!"
"We can stretch them out later if you like," Shan Si teased, hand at Tao Hua's side. "It's an easy fix; just leave the work to me. All you need to do is sit back, look pretty, and spread your—"
As if struck with energy, Tao Hua immediately whirled around and stood on the tips of his toes. Reaching his hands up, he clasp one over the other, and slapped them against Shan SI's mouth.
His face was beating a bright red, practically petrified with embarrassment. But Shan Si's face hadn't moved once, and it wasn't hard to tell Tao Hua's reaction fueled something in him.
Muffled, Shan Si said, "Oh? You knew what I was going to say, huh?"
Instantly removing himself, Tao Hua timidly smiled, averting his eyes. He held his hands up to his chest and began flicking his nails against to distract himself.
"Um--uh--mn. When can we move to the next step?" Tao Hua attempted to change the subject, and terribly so. "We've been doing the same thing for months."
A brow arched, but alas, Shan Si gave into Tao Hua's change of subject; he'd address this situation eventually.
"Hm, so you think you're ready for the next one? Are you sure?" The corner of Shan Si's lips ticked up, amused. He watched as Tao Hua fiddled with his fingers, his eyes tracing each fumble and stagger against Shan Si's every word. "What if I have you train with a sword? Can you say you're prepared for that?"
"…"
In a sheer attempt to prove himself—and totally not to change the subject any—Tao Hua moved toward the piled-up weapons, reaching for one of the swords. It was heavier than Shan Si's sword, but Tao Hua still somehow managed to heave it up with every ounce of strength he had, both hands tightly wrapped around the hilt.
Tao Hua flashed a proud smile toward Shan Si, the tip of the blade still sunken into the thin layer of snow.
He couldn't lift it any further than an inch off the ground.
Rendered useless, Shan Si pressed his hand to his face, smiling until it turned into light chuckles.
Just as Tao Hua made multiple attempts to lift the sword off the ground, Shan Si moved toward him and gently nudged Tao Hua's hands away from the hilt. In one hand swing, the sword clanged onto the ground, puffing snow around it.
Seamlessly, enough for Tao Hua's eyes to widen with mild shock.
Reaching his hand up, Shan Si grabbed one of the floating plum blossom petals and soon pressed it against Tao Hua's cheek. It blended in perfectly with the rosy complexion of his skin.
Tao Hua just glanced up at him, overcome with bashfulness he couldn't explain, and the words he wanted to say were all scrambled, caught at the back of his throat.
"Those hands are better used for more precious things," he said. "Save the hard work for someone else."
"…" Tao Hua's eyes shifted away, toward the ground, and then the pile of weapons. One moment, he was next to Shan Si, and then next he was at the bundle once more, repeating the same thing as before, except this time it was the end of a spear in his hands.
"No! No weapons!" Shan Si rushed toward Tao Hua, ripping it out of his hands. "Let that go before you hurt yourself!"
The next two hours flew by, with half of it wasted by Tao Hua picking up multiple weapons and showcasing to Shan Si, explaining how he was absolutely able and capable to wield them. The thing was, he knew he wasn't, but after the first two, he started doing it just to get a rise out of Shan Si.
As punishment, Shan Si forced Tao Hua into the du li bu stance; commonly known as the infamous crane pose. And in doing so, he made sure to press firmly against his back, all in the name of suffering against one's own antics.
Needless to say, Tao Hua collapsed on all fours by the end of their session, sore from the waist down, coughing in exhaustion.
Shan Si knelt down next to him, gently rubbing his back. However, he was more than pleased with his work, and nothing could hide his hilarity.
Tao Hua whined, spit stringing from his mouth. "Hurts…too much."
"What did we learn today?"
"No weapons…"
"And?"
"…" Tao Hua shifted his head toward Shan Si, his bottom lip protruding into a quiver. The look in his eyes was utterly pitiful, and with the loose strands of hair stuck to his beet-red face, he was a complete and utter mess. Mumbling, he replied, "Always listen to Shan Si."
That did him in. Shan Si just blankly stared past Tao Hua for a good minute, inexpressive. Then, he inhaled so deeply that it stiffened his shoulders broad, and when he finally exhaled, that's when he jumped straight into action.
"No god can save me."
He helped Tao Hua up, lifting him in his arms, bridal style.
"Only me...Let's keep it that way."
As if life was struck Tao Hua, his head tilted, and with a confused noise, he shouted, "I—huh?!"
But alas, he didn't protest! It was a smart way to allow Tao Hua to rest, and who was Tao Hua to deny such chivalry?
Clutching his shoulders, the two made their way north of the palace.
This trek was different. They passed through countless moon doors, each section increasing in plum blossom trees and thorny, barren bushes.
There were only a few times Tao Hua ever explored this far into the palace, usually in Shan Si's care, all for sole purpose of him dropping his sword. It was kept in the Temple of Luoxue, which Tao Hua had learnt after their training sessions alongside his naming of the sword.
Xuekai.
Tao Hua often found himself in awe of how Shan Si treated the things deemed precious to him, citing that "It's important to name every important thing you own."
It made for a grand contrast when placed next to everything else.
Leaning toward the ground, Shan Si lowered Tao Hua, securing his waist until he could safely assume Tao Hua's feet were firmly planted.
As soon as that was done, the two stood ahead of a gorgeous temple; however, their eyes never left each other to look.
"I shouldn't take long," Shan Si assured Tao Hua. "Wait here, okay?"
Tao Hua never questioned Shan Si's decision on not taking him into the Temple of Luoxue; he already knew the answer. Given all he'd learnt about Shan Si and his mother, it was better not to poke it more than necessary.
So, Tao Hua just nodded. He offered Shan Si a warm and happy smile, one that sunk right into his eyes and painted his cheeks a gleeful red.
"I'll wait here," he promised.
Shan Si hesitated a bit, and there was a look of longing in his eyes when starting down at Tao Hua's face and every feature on it.
But responsibilities were responsibilities, and boundaries were boundaries. He gently swiped his thumb against Tao Hua's cheek, next to his lips, playfully stretching it out and leaving the poor man somewhat lost.
But with one quick exhale, Shan Si removed it before Tao Hua could reach his hand up, and started making his way to the temple.
Watching him, Tao Hua rubbed his cheek, and he couldn't explain what it was that stirred in him, but it was a disappointment for something he couldn't quite name.
It was serenely quiet around the Luoxue grounds, without many—if at all—servants. The empty space was filled with the sound of winter songbirds and the gentle stream of a brook.
The path toward the temple was designed traditionally, representing a Chinese garden, but compared to most, this one had a different atmosphere; something more magical.
Tao Hua assumed it was his imagination getting the better of him as he waited for Shan Si, but he couldn't help but melt in awe just looking at it.
"I wonder what it would look like in summer…" Tao Hua dreamily thought aloud, his eyes jumping from the red-arched bridge toward the grey-bricked walls. "Would that make Shan Si happy? I bet he'd look good in summer clothes."
But Tao Hua immediately shook his head, stiffly staring down at his feet. "W-What am I saying?! We need to break the curse first…and then Shan Si can decide if I'm still use—"
But he stopped himself before arriving at such a self-deprecating idea, especially knowing how often Shan Si scolded him for it during their evenings spent together.
Therefore, he shook his head again like a dog out of water, searching for something else to take his mind off the ordeal.
Stretching out his arms, Tao Hua's method of distraction came in jumping along the ivory, egg-shaped stones that lead to and from the temple, counting each hop with a whisper.
The moment he got too close to the temple, he turned, ready to hop his way back into place. But when he glanced back up to survey his surroundings, that's when his entire body froze, helpless.
The cold sweat began as his breath ran ragged. Eyes narrowed, Tao Hua stared ahead at an approaching figure, one that made every inch of his body lock in fear.
The man stopped just a few feet away from Tao Hua, his expression indifferent to Tao Hua's oncoming panic.
"Hm, not with Shan Si today?" Wan Mie asked, glancing around the area. "I haven't seen one without the other since his return from Buzhi Forest."
Chapter end.