I have come to the conclusion that Himiko must rest.
It is a bitter pill to swallow, considering I am the one who relies on her for every minor convenience. From the meals I eat to the clothes I wear, the cleanliness of the house to my very education—she handles it all. I am grateful, truly. My parents are rarely home, tied to their work, and I lack the constitution for such domestic trifles. She moves through the day with such tireless energy, always a smile on her face… but today, the reality of my own negligence was thrust before my eyes.
Himiko has fallen ill with a fever. The physician claims her resistance failed due to simple exhaustion. Overwork, apparently.
What have I been doing? I was by her side every day, yet I failed to see the fatigue etched into her. I did not bring her into my life to watch her suffer. I keep her near because I wish to see her smile—nothing more, nothing less.
And yet, here she is, confined to her bed, shivering.
It is pathetic. I am utterly pathetic. In this life, I do not think I have ever loathed my own denseness as much as I do at this moment.
"I'm… I'm sorry," she wheezed, her voice a thin thread. "I'll… get better soon. Just a moment..."
"Do not apologize," I snapped, though not with malice. "The fault lies with me for failing to notice until you collapsed."
"But…"
"Enough. Lie still until you are recovered. There is no need to hurry."
I haven't seen her this weak since we were children. Back then, she would wail and cry. It used to infuriate me so much that I'd do something reckless just to distract her. I reflect on those days with a sense of growth, but no regret.
"…But I have to…"
"A sick person has no responsibilities other than to sleep. Focus only on healing."
"No… I don't want to…"
"Listen to me. Stay in bed."
Despite being half-delirious with fever, she actually tried to sit up. I had to physically press her back into the mattress, and she resisted with surprising strength. What on earth was driving this stubbornness?
"I have to… I have to work hard… The chores… the studying… I have to do it all…"
"You are doing too much. Rest."
"But if I don't… if I'm not useful… I won't be allowed to stay here!"
The words hit me like a physical blow. What in the world was she saying? She doesn't need to "earn" a right that is already hers.
"Madoka-chan… Rinne-chan… your father… you've all been so kind… that's why I… I have to work hard…" her voice broke into a sob. "If I don't… I'll be cast aside again. I don't want that… I don't want to go back…!"
…I see.
No matter how much she might despise them, parents are still parents. To be discarded by one's own kin is a wound that does not close easily. The venomous words her parents spat at her all those years ago are still coiled like serpents in her heart.
She worked herself to the bone because she was terrified of losing her home. She collapsed because she was trying too hard to be "worthy."
"…You fool. What utter nonsense are you spouting?"
I felt a wave of self-loathing. How did I not see what was buried in her depths? I, of all people, should know what happens to a child abandoned by their parents.
Why did I assume Himiko was any different from me?
First, I had to calm her. In this state, the fever would never break while her mind was in such turmoil.
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