I forgot to take my anti-anxiety meds today, no wonder I was feeling anxious. Every time I felt sleepy or felt like I was dying, I was in need of sleep. I fell asleep around 8pm and woke up at 1:25am. It was around 5 hours of sleep that I had gotten. I decided to take sleeping medicine prior to waking up.
I kind of wanted to smoke at 2:19 am but I was anxious about getting caught by my parents to discover that I was smoking. Lizmarie, you were the one thing that was keeping me from falling apart you know. I don't know what role you felt like you had to play but being by your side made me incredibly happy.
I needed validation, I needed appreciation, I needed love and you didn't give any of that to me? But to someone else? When I gave you my everything? Of course I would resent you, why would you not return the efforts that I gave you? You meant everything to me.
I ended up falling asleep again at around 2:30 AM and woke up at 6:43 AM which means I got around 9 hours of sleep in total.
I went to the park today by walking and decided to swing on the swings. I brought a small backpack with me which included my keys, my gate control, and water. I say these things because maybe there's a kid out there who would want to copy me one day with this book.
I saw geese sitting down on the grass area in this park. I believe that knowledge is power, after all Dokja was the only reader of 'TWSA'. I checked on the data of my book called 'Lizmarie Khaleesi Lectora' and discovered that I had 3 readers reading it and 2 collections. How nice that the book I was most proud of was being read by 3 readers in this world.
If the real Lizmarie Khaleesi Lectora didn't read this book then she would simply die in the Ruined World Scenarios. She was rejecting my gift for her after all. I hated being rejected above all else. I have been rejected all my life in the first place. To be rejected by my favorite person in this world is absolutely painful. I will haunt her by becoming a celebrity in Puerto Rico. This was simply how I dealt with my feelings of resentment and love for her. Who knows if I would win her back or not. She had already blocked me on all social media and deactivated her twitter because she didn't want me to contact her.
I had no idea what that meant. What else was I supposed to do than to rely on my tarot card advisor to gain insight in how she feels about me. My advisor mostly said that she still feels deep affection towards me. I'm told that her emotions will surrender to me and it will break past her fears. The reason she wasn't reaching out to me was because she was afraid of vulnerability. Meanwhile I have taken the risk of being vulnerable multiple times. I almost died once because a 17 year old brat emotionally burned me alive. He destroyed everything and complained that I was immature. I sure as hell did not appreciate being told that I was exhausting to be around him. So fictionally, I killed his original character in all regression rounds until he apologizes for killing me.
This was my way of coping and if he wanted to be a doctor then I would pray to the Oldest Dream to ensure it doesn't happen. I would pray that he crumbles and goes into absolute hell where he wishes he was dead just like I was. The Demon King of Liberation wanted him to feel the same exact pain and the lowest lows that he was forced to experience. He wanted that 17 year old brat to understand what it was really like to be suicidal.
"Disappear into the sea of darkness" declares the Demon King of Liberation.
Could it be that I am the recorder of fear? asked the Demon King of Liberation. He thinks to himself and to his audience that he could be the Recorder of Fears because he could inherit that title. He was a recorder of absolutely everything after all.
I saw a dog in the park and asked the owner if I could pet the dog. The owner said yes so I petted the dog, the dog ended up licking my hand somewhat and that was fine with me. The dog seemed to be smiling at me as he was tied up to a bar with his leash on. He had his tongue out and seemed to be regulating himself.
Then I watched the dog lay down across from me. I wanted to pet the doggo again. I sat closer to the dog and the dog seemed fine with it. She turned her head around as if she wasn't sure what to look at. Then she turned away from me and put some distance between herself and me. The dog seemed to be gold, white with some darkish fur. I wasn't sure what breed the dog was but it kind of looked like a golden retriever except not too golden?
I was used to the white autistic dog that my mom's friend owned licking my hand so I thought this dog would do the same. I am autistic myself after all so I wanted an autistic dog myself. The white dog that my mom's friend named was Mochi and she was a dog that acted like a cat. The dog was unfortunately moving away from me then it came back real close to me.
I thought the dog would lick me or something but I guess not. She then sniffed some things around on the ground and went back to doing her own things. She then proceeded to lick my hand as I put my hand towards her face. Using her foot, she scratched herself on her ear. I discovered that the dog was a girl. The dog seemed to want to go to the noise somewhere. If I was the owner, I would allow her to do so. I wanted the dog to like me after all.
I mean I was a dog in a human body myself too, I was friendly and all. My name means companion, loyalty, and faithful as well considering my name was Caleb. Sweetlover728 stated "my family wants me to bring a hatchet to the scenarios" and displayed a photo of a hatchet. A hatchet was pretty good for handling the scenarios and for survival in general.
I heard a little girl laugh in the park. She wore a strawberry pink dress with black pants that had rainbows on it. She also wore colorful tennis shoes. She had black hair and had a ponytail. Meanwhile I was a man who had orange-black hair and looked kind of like Yoo Joonghyuk in terms of hairstyle. I wore a green shirt that had cats on it with pink leggings and white-gray ish socks. I also wore black tennis shoes. My favorite colors were black and blue after all.
I played the song 'Enchanted' by Taylor Swift to process my feelings of love for Lizmarie.
I ended up talking to Dixie and Aria about who we would be forced to kill if Scenario #1 in ORV really did happen to us. Not everyone would be like Kim Dokja and be lucky enough to be able to kill bugs after all. I recall reading 'Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse' on Webnovel and Yoo Joonghyuk being a gamer who ended up killing everyone in his train by blood lust. To him, the world was just a video game to him since he had a career in video gaming after all. That was why he was so strong in the world of ORV, he was the main protagonist in 'Three Ways to Survive a Ruined World'.
There were some webnovels that showed me a different perspective in how TWSA really worked.
I decided to play my favorite visual novel, 'Seduce Me: The Complete Story'. Truth be told, I played this game when I was 15, and I loved the choices it had. I wish it were more popular, honestly.
Sam kissed me without my consent, and I decided to hit him again because it was funny.
"Ow! Now you're just being violent!"
I laughed as the green-jacketed boy said that. I met my future husband, Damien, again, and I decided to stay calm when he showed up near me. I decided to open up to James because I could trust him. I ended up catching his gold-orange demonic heart. I also chose to be cool around Erik and ended up winning his red passionate heart too.
"Did you want there to be more?"
I did not truth be told, I was just doing what I wanted, I loved Damien the most but I was planning on picking a different guy this time. I wanted to follow Andrew out of the doorway to check up on him.
"That's a nice name to have, I mean it's much better than Andrew. Who names their kid 'Andrew'?"
I chuckled a little when hearing him speak. Oh god it was Malix who kidnapped me, it seemed like I didn't romance Damien this time. I waited at first then decided to fight Malix, I could hear action music playing as I was experiencing the story and chose to fight him.
I decided to make a trade with Diana about my memories. I chose Diana as what I wanted in trade for my memories. Diana ended up laughing about it. I guess I had chosen the route of Diana in this round.
I stopped playing 'Seduce Me: the Complete Story' and decided to go pace around in my house instead. I needed money on WeWard after all for walking 25,000 steps in exchange for 25 coins. Oops, it was 20,000 steps in exchange for 25 coins.
I love how Dixie thinks that I have testicles when I actually don't have any. My PP (private parts) don't include a penis but something else yet I still identify as a man.
I decided to wear all black today, black shirt that looked like something that a priest's father would wear. Black pants that were comfortable enough to wear. I also wanted to wear the long black coat the Yoo Joonghyuk wore.
I forced myself to read ORV: The Sequel and found it to be enlightening. I went into the restaurant and found it to be too loud to handle. So I went outside to not tolerate it. I would rather handle the heat of 84 degrees F than stay in that restaurant.
I ordered an iced Jasmine Milk tea with mini boba. It was to satisfy my hunger and to satisfy myself. I spent my last $6 in my bank account on it. I would need to refill my bank account with the physical money I had.
If Yoo Joonghyuk 1864 became a terrorist and Yoo Joonghyuk 1863 became a stalker then I would become both a harasser and a stalker I suppose.
The raging regressor has taken over the narrative. He cuts off the head of Slyius Xavier. His body started to move despite his head being cut off so the raging regressor, Ni Tian splashes alcohol on his body and quickly lit a candle match to set him on fire, killing him. Ni Tian prevents Annais Hannah from gathering his ashes and instead kicks his ashes for a low level demon to consume instead.
"Why…..why are you doing this? You're an evil monster!" Exclaimed Annais.
"That's right, I'm a demon King after all" explains the regressing regressor.