I use MBTI cognitive functions and Enneagram concepts to understand how you communicate and how you think and to understand you better. Here is a relationship message from a source I read, I am type 2 and you are type 9. As you can see, it is very accurate, our challenge was both of us avoiding conflict which pushes issues to be swept under the rug. Being honest and having direct communication was the solution as you can also see.
2 + 9: The Gentle Connection
Chemistry: Peaceful, supportive energy Challenge: Both avoid conflict; issues go underground Growth Edge: Learning direct communication together Success Key: Regular check-ins and honest sharing
As you know I am an ESFJ and you are an INFJ. We both relate to each other due to our Fe-Ti Axises being shared because we are both FJs. However I struggle a lot to look at the big picture and dig deeper in my thinking process as I am someone who instinctually looks things in details before looking at the bigger picture. I am like Tohru Honda you could say lol. You naturally look things at a big picture and struggle to look into details and look at patterns instead. I don't have Ni (NJ) but you do it naturally and I struggle with it. Meanwhile you may struggle with my Si (SJ) thinking process and need for detail. I struggle to make it as short and straight forward as possible. I suck at summarizing too. This causes a communication difference between us hence us being confused and misunderstanding each other at times.
I proceeded to share her with the sources I found. Two links were seen for her to click upon.
I did want to ask why did you even choose to be friends with me. Maybe I should of been braver and asked why was I romantically rejected by you asides from just lack of feelings considering I wasn't even given a chance at all lol. I could only guess from distance, having to play a role, wanting someone who understood the puerto rician culture, someone who knew spanish. Whatever I did wouldn't be good enough for you anyways, all my effort was pointless and useless.
I miss the you who used to say good morning to me everyday, would get excited/happy to talk to me and would also be willing to hang out with me via watching anime and playing Genshin Impact together. In addition to happily streaming with me in watching you wish for characters on Genshin too. But that part of you is never coming back and I struggle to adapt to change at times. I've tried all my fucking life to adapt to you being there and others having slow responses/lack of communication. I realize I can't do it and it's better for me to be with people who can communicate better. I felt loved securely by you and in the most healthy and stable way possible out of everyone who treated me like shit. You took yourself away from me and that shit hurt as hell and upsetted me badly. I wanted nothing more than to spend time with you but obviously I never meant that fucking much to you compared to you meaning so much to me. No matter how much affection or adapting or whatever I tried doing or helping you, it was never enough.
um, I'm sorry about me just reacting instead of properly reflecting on myself and taking the time to respond. I'm still learning on how to reflect by looking within myself instead of just immediately reacting.
Realistically speaking…. I won't be able to move on from you for a long time… I have never loved any real person as long and as intensely as I have for you…the closest people I have are fictional characters only….not actual real people ya know.
I want to clarify to you that I deactivated our discord dms by unfriending you because you were literally triggering my anxiety. This type of conversation *also* gives me a great amount of stress probably as much as you do. The issue is that since you have never seen the real me nor see me properly ask for what I need. You might assume that explaining yourself for why you take a long time to process the conversation would help me automatically ease my anxiety. It does not truth be told, I just never spoke to you that my anxiety was spiking 24/7 constantly on the days that you don't respond. It seriously puts me on edge and I guess somehow that made you think I would be fine if you explained yourself. It wasn't fine, I was literally suffering and I had to pretend it was okay or that I had to stoop low enough just so I could keep our relationship peaceful. It is genuinely exhausting and frustrating to have to deal with anxiety 24/7, I do not trust you enough to actually understand me and what my needs are. The difference between us is that you just avoid seeing the messages completely and don't even respond which puts me at uncertainty of anxiety because I need a response as soon as possible or else I will suffer in anxiety 24/7. You may need to tell me beforehand how your behavior works because I need literal specifics. I have tried over and over and fucking over to be gentle and been forced to be patient with you. I suck at being patient I realize now. The reason I gave up on being gentle and do things the soft/indeiredt way with you because it doesn't give me what I need from you, so in my mind, Im here like "why the fuck am I having to tolerate this shit when you can't even give me what I need". So as a last defense mechanism to finally get what I need, I chose aggression and anger because everything else I tried with you had failed. I felt like I was not ever seen or at least in my perspective feel like you could give me a specific response that would make me feel seen by my standards and not yours. Just because you say you love me does not mean I will feel loved by you. It's like being hurt by someone even though that person never intentionally meant to hurt you. I do not even want to allow you to reply to me because if I do, you will literally trigger my anxiety again. I partially don't think you deserve me making the effort to do all this crap for you (out of resentment tbh with constantly feeling platonically neglected by you) but I'll do it anyways because it is the right thing to do and because I want to be one of the people who actually gives a shit about you instead of all those fools who ghosted your ass. I am communicating and having this discussion because I care, otherwise I literally would have not respond at all all. I am extremely distrustful of you because I am very and still accustomed to the old version of you where I felt like I was never acknowledged nor appreciated. It is unrealistic of me to trust you so suddenly after one message because that takes a lot of change and I truly believe you wouldn't make the effort nor change yourself to actually be able to meet my needs and compromise with me properly. I am rather disappointed in thinking you could care and love me the same way I did/do for you. I do not want to have to emotionally accomdate you because as an autustic guy, I am forced to accomdate everyone and that is fucking tiring to deal with. Perhaps I don't understand your need of processing the entire conversation coming to an absolute shock to you while I have been here suppressing my needs and rejecting my own needs from the way I grew up with and hence I have been dealing with these feelings of mine for years by myself.
I repeat things at times because I forget what I may have already told you. I also struggle to get straight to the point at times and add in a lot of details instead.
[Borderline Powerful Disorganization Splitting has started]
09/30 12:46pm
I honestly don't give a shit about your thoughts or your reply because waiting for you causes me anxiety and to finally put myself first. I am not allowing you to reply to me. If you actually give a shit about me and want to communicate to me then friend request me on discord to show that you actually care and want to reply back and continue this conversation. Otherwise this will be a strictly one sided conversation where I yap to you becauseI want to do it. You have the option to give a shit about this if you want but I underestimate ur care for me so much that I don't think you give a shit about me. Go defend yourself and your image of what I think of you if you truly care. Because I am beyond exhausted of being a people pleaser and constantly giving to others and never receiving back. Yes the same goes for you, the only people who I feel comfortable having a discussion like this for a long ass time is my best friend, I do not trust you enough to have this discussion without triggering my anxiety. Go think of some compromise between us that actually doesn't trigger my anxiety if you want to reply. Otherwise you can be a passenger princess (negative) and I have to always be giving you shit while you do almost nothing for me.
I would try over and over and fucking over again 100000 times for you but it seems like its one sided and you wouldn't do the same for me. My standards are low as shit and I feel like a woman ™ while you're the man child ™ 😍😍😍😍😍 so yeah lol go figure it out yourself if you give a shit about me. I don't care if I offend you or not either because I'm not writing this for you, I'm writing this for me with the option of you listening if you want. This is just how I process things lol.
3:35pm
You know the thing that both you and Yuki from fruit baskets do is that you think you are entitled to being cared for and being listened to because you are suffering more than others do and that others don't understand but sometimes we actually do. I feel like sacrificing myself partially for you isn't returned back. And I believe I am most upset at getting the needs I want from you properly. I also am going through a lot ya know, I probably just hide it better or quietly suffer too just like you do. Maybe I also need to reflect more upon things to realize things better idk cuz there will always be a need to communicate. Maybe one day I'll finally stop texting in here and actually move on.
5pm
Im going to be completely honest, I do not give a shit about your request of being respectful if possible. You have unintentionally and it is asking for too much for me to tone it down. If you ask me that then you have to give me what I need back too otherwise you ain't getting that request met. It is seriously unfair if I get you what you need but you can't give me what I need. Look it isn't your fault I'm aware that I am conditioned this way, it's my mom's fault. But you have the power to give me what I need and not make our relationship dynamic unfair. As of right now, I have such a huge amount of fucking resentment for you that you are asking too fucking much of me to tone my shit down. If you want me to, then you need to meet my shit. Do not fucking ask me to do this for you and be like one of those idiotic man child ™ Liz. Your behavior geninuely fucking reminds me of them sometimes where all they do is ask and ask and ask and ask and never give back. I am practically the mom friend, men ™ act like they are children to their wives. I know you didn't intentionally hurt me and force me to have some mother and daughter unfair dynamic between us but just fucking allow me for once to express all of my emotions to you. I am geninuely so fucking exhausted and sick of it all and suppressing my needs for you. If you fucking ask me to not be blunt when all I do is express my emotions because I am frustrated, you are fucking asking me to suppress my emotions and to put you on a pedestral like you are some fucking pasenger princess who needs to be served 24/7 and that I'm just freelabor servant who will do everything for you with no fucking complaints. You're gonna have to teach me what the fuck am I doing in being blunt or whatever too. I'm not going to play stupid guessing games with you when I don't know what the fuck I'm doing wrong. Because all my fucking life, my family be like "yOu'Re sO rUdE" and you are reminding me of my family and I don't fucking appreciate that. I have the fucking right to express ALL my frustrations and anger at you. You don't have the right to tell me to shut the fuck up and keep my emotions suppressed.