Zabina
When Abisai leaves, I pull the blanket up to my neck. The warmth of his body still lingers in the sheets, but I already feel cold without him.
I should have asked him about what happened to that white dragon… but it wasn't the right moment.
I'll do it another time, I told myself.
But the days passed, and I still didn't dare.
He came every night. We'd have dinner together, talking about trivial things while we drank wine. I told him about my life, but I learned little about his. He made love to me with that intensity that left me trembling and breathless, and then he'd leave before dawn, as if he had never been there.
Would it always be like this?
I hadn't even left my chambers. The women's palace had become a beautiful, gilded cage.
Stema told me that in three days, he would be crowned emperor. The ceremony would be grand. The entire kingdom would be present.
And I was still here. Surrounded by his generosity. His gifts. His body.
I stop in front of the vanity and look at my reflection in the mirror. I don't recognise myself. My hair shinier, my skin more cared for, the tiara I never take off… and those eyes that seem to have lost some of the forest's light.
I place a hand on my chest, where the gem pulses as if it, too, is waiting for answers.
I turn toward the door when Stema enters with her usual smile.
"The prince sent for you," she announces. "He's waiting for you in the stables for a ride." She gives me a playful wink.
I smile, though my stomach tightens.
I look back at my reflection.
I'll ask him.
I take a deep breath and follow Stema through the halls of the women's palace.
This time, I won't stay silent.
I arrive at the stables with my heart pounding.
Abisai is brushing his powerful black horse. He's dressed casually, in a dark linen shirt with his hair tied back in a low bun. The afternoon sun gives his skin a warm glow.
I walk slowly and hug him from behind, resting my cheek against him. His masculine scent envelops me instantly.
He turns in my arms and caresses my face with the back of his fingers, looking at me with that intensity that always makes me feel naked.
"How did you wake up today?" he asks.
"Bored," I answer honestly.
He lifts me effortlessly into his arms and sets me on the horse.
"We'll fix that," he murmurs, drawing a smile from me.
With a leap, he mounts behind me and takes the reins. His chest presses against my back, his arm wrapping possessively around my waist.
We ride across the meadow that stretches behind the castle.
The grass is golden and sways with the wind, creating rippling waves under the sun.
For a long moment, we don't say anything. Only the sound of the horse's trot and the wind fills the silence.
I need to talk to him. Ask him before doubt and uncertainty take deeper root.
"Abisai…" I begin.
"Mmm?"
"Can I ask you something without you getting upset?"
"Mmm."
"What happened years ago with the last white dragon who was here?"
The horse stops abruptly.
I bite my lips and look at him over my shoulder. He's serious, his jaw tense.
"How do you know about that?"
I open my mouth to answer.
"It was Higmer, wasn't it?" he cuts me off.
My heart races, and I don't respond.
"Of course. It was him."
He dismounts and walks a few steps with his hands in his pockets. I take a deep breath and follow, dismounting as well.
"Can you tell me?" I insist, following him.
"What for?!" He turns to me with a furrowed brow. "What else did he tell you, huh? What else haven't you told me? Just spill it all at once."
"That. He told me you'd do to me what you did to her," I mutter.
I study every gesture on his face. The way he clenches his jaw. He turns his back to me.
"Won't you tell me?" I insist.
"No. That happened years ago, and some things are better left where they are. Ignore his comment. I'd never hurt you, you know that."
"What did you do to Higmer?"
He grabs my arm and pulls me toward him abruptly, but without hurting me.
"What I did is none of your business, Zabina. Does it concern you?"
"I just want to know. You don't tell me much about yourself. Is it wrong to want to know you?"
"What I show you should be enough," he growls.
"Of course," I say sarcastically. "After all, I'm just a concubine."
He releases me and steps away.
I follow him.
"Why do you avoid me? You said I could trust you, but right now, I feel adrift."
He stops and looks at me. The silence becomes uncomfortable.
He walks toward me and stops when his body brushes against mine.
"Do you have any idea what I risk to keep you by my side?" he whispers.
"I didn't ask for this," I growl. "You kept me in this place, and I accepted because I love you. Because I wanted to be near you. If you're risking so much, let me go."
He grips the back of my neck and leans over me.
"Don't talk nonsense, Zabina. You're not going anywhere, and don't even think I'll let you get away from me. Humans, demons, dragons — they all want your damn gem, and I can't leave you to your fate."
"Do you love me?" I ask suddenly.
I see the indecision in his eyes, and it hurts.
"You only keep me out of pride," my voice breaks. "I'm just a diversion to you…"
"Shut up," he orders.
"I never should have given in to you. I never should have agreed to come to Anwar."
"Don't go down that path, Zabina. I see my cousin's snake has manipulated you quite well."
"Nobody manipulated me!" I shout at him. "Do you think I'm blind?! You're going to become emperor of Anwar, and I'm just your secret! And I'll stay that way until someone finds out, and then you'll have to choose, and it won't be me!"
Tears run down my cheeks.
He tries to say something.
"I want to go back. Please," I turn my back to him and walk toward the horse.