Somehow during all that saga, my need to be someone in the world grew stronger. I imagined myself being very successful, more successful than my dad from my own strains and energy, without help from my family's already built legacy. That eventually became my new dream and as I opposed everything that was said to me, I was driving towards a dream untold. I felt the urge to build my own legacy.
I was too determined in what I was doing because I knew what I wanted. Once you know very well what you want, and you want it badly, then you will have the determination to do whatever it takes to achieve it.
There was an international fashion show that was going to take place. My father has put in much effort and money to see that am one of the contestants because he anticipated that it was the best way to bring me to the public eye. Everyone at home was excited despite my deliberate show of mis interest in it.
After days of everyone talking only good about the show and how I would emerge a winner because to them, I had everything for a winner. I decided to stop talking about how uninterested I was. I was tired of explaining myself to people who never took my words seriously. I should tell you one problem people in big families experience. There is no difference with the army where an order from a superior is absolute.
That was the case in my family and in all other big families. Once the head of family wants you to move in a particular direction, so you will. There's no way to go against them because the first thing they use to justify what they want is that of protecting the family's name or to maintain the family's strong legacy. And since from birth, in all your upbringing, all you're taught is having your family pride at heart. In such situations that's the only thing you can think about because from the start of your understanding that's what you've seen everyone do and you wouldn't want to be the prodigal child.
' How will the public take it when one of our family is not into business?"
' The name that this great family holds will all go to ruins once you venture out of business.'
' For our family, it's business. That's what we know and nothing else. And you're no different.'
Those and many other similar confrontations I always received and they became part of my day to day hearings from everyone. I was asked if I thought I was more intelligent than my siblings and relatives who had been nurtured and were now lifting the family's business.
Those and more callous statements came to me and I got tire. I didn't blame them particularly because they did not know the real reason why I was being rebellious.That was the only reason why I ignored all the harshness brought to me. Maybe has I told them the truth, they would perceive it differently; which I highly doubted at the moment and even up to now.
I wondered why it was hard for my dad to accept the fact that I wanted a different course of direction. Doubts about his love for me arose and I debated whether he loved me or he loved maintaining his legacy more. But all that was craziness. He had promised he would support me in whatever I liked but here he was going against my dream.
The night before the eve of the fashion show , my dad brought home a fashion designer from Yori, one of the biggest brands at the time. Expensive attires were at my sight and they were indeed beautiful and I would have been the happiest at that time hd I not changed my mind. In a bid to be at my good behavior and not expose the war inside my family to the outside , I did not object to anything at the time the designers were present. The love for my family and desire to protect it from bad had been inculcated in me at a young age and I still had it rooted in me at that time.
I checked in all the attires they had brought and even gave suggestions. I could tell that my father was happy and satisfied with what I was doing. He most probably thought I had changed my mind. Unbeknownst to him, I was just trying to mask my disagreement with him from those around.
I don't know if the designers who were working on me had been requested to sweet talk to me because they were all talking good about the show. They told me how it was going to be a sure win for me and how I will soon become Queen of the fashion industry. At the back of my mind, I knew very well that this was my dad's manipulation he was trying to use on me. But I ws up for the challenge.
Determination is a very strong thing because I never felt any impact by the glittering words they told me. Of course success was at stake for me but all that was said to the wrong person because the Elizabeth who was interested in such was gone. My father was only supplementing and good a daughter I was that I never spoke anything that could disappoint them. Being a good person has been part of me for long.
When the designers were gone, I confronted my father and asked him why he was still pushing something that I was not willing to drive, why he was forcing me to do something I no longer wanted. I told him how I was frustrated by his disrespect for my decision. I remember very well how he kept quiet, guilty pressing down in him as he listened and contemplated what I was telling him.
Everyone at home was close enough to where we were so as to listen to the bitter conversation than to get involved in it.
I knew very well that they were shocked by how defiantly I was speaking to my dad, the head of family. No one has ever done it before and I think none dared do it.
My mum tried to coax me into stopping but I did not adhere to her words. She did not bother forcing me as she relentlessly drew back, but I interpreted her actions in two different ways. She was actually in support of me but did not want to show it to my dad or it was just out of her cheer responsibility as a mother. At that time I did not want to understand where her actions had roots from.
As I was still bombarding my grievances to my father, he raised his palm at me , indicating or rather cautioning me to stop. Then he asked as to why I was only fierce at him as much as I knew that no one was in support of me.
I did not even think once before answering his question because it was very evident to everyone. I told him, in a stern voice that if it was not his refusal of what I wanted, if he only was in support of me , then everyone else could be in support of me. It was his fault that no one expressed their support to me , even those who silently thought I was right. But because he was against it, everyone in his family was against it. After all he was the ' head of family '.
" Enough! I have had enough of your nagging Elizabeth," he barked at me angrily, but I was less frightened at the time.
" Are you disturbed by your conscience?" I asked him.
That's when my mother intervened. She requested that we end the hot argument. When we were alone, she asked me if I had gone mad. Like it has never crossed her mind that anyone could speak back at my dad more so in the manner I did. Truth be said, I was also scared rather than surprised by what I had done earlier. My emotions hd overpowered me.
As a mother she advised me not to do it again, promising that everything would be well. Of course I knew she was being driven by fear and given her medical condition, I did not want to stress her out. Bit deep inside I knew very well that nothing was going to get well. Worse was coming. This was the storm before the hurricane.
I promised not to act the same way again though deep inside I knew that whatever I had started had not yet come to an end, and at one time I had to reach the destination of whatever it was. My mum requested that in order to keep harmony, I had to go for the fashion show.
Despite me telling her how much I did not want to, she persisted that I should attend the show. I could not bring myself to make such a promise as much as I could not tell it directly to her that I was not going to the stupid show.