After Malfoy was attacked, Dumbledore began facing increasing pressure from the Board of Governors starting in February. They demanded that he take immediate action to resolve the Chamber of Secrets incident. Once again, Hogwarts was plunged into anxiety.
At this moment, Lockhart stepped forward. He publicly declared that, in order to save the school from its precarious state, he would debut as a campus idol—no, that wasn't right—he had prepared a special surprise to boost everyone's morale.
February 14th.
Valentine's Day.
That morning, the students finally found out what his "morale-boosting" plan was.
At the crack of dawn, hundreds of owls flew into the Great Hall. They circled overhead like a massive gray-brown cloud. Unfortunately, this cloud didn't rain water—it rained feathers and droppings.
In an instant, the entire school's breakfast was nearly wiped out.
Only Lewis reacted fast enough, raising a force barrier above his head and preserving a clean zone for the Ravenclaw table. As a result, students from all four houses had to crowd together at one table just to eat.
"Come on, everyone, gather around!"
Lockhart, dressed in a bright pink robe, eagerly directed students to decorate the hall with items delivered by the owls.
Soon, the walls of the Great Hall were covered in large, dazzling pink flowers. Worse still, heart-shaped confetti of various colors began raining down from the pale blue ceiling.
The place looked like a wedding venue.
Naturally, the freshly cleaned tables suffered again, as confetti fell into bread and tea. Once more, everyone had to run over to Ravenclaw's side to eat.
While the male students looked visibly disgusted, the girls were clearly delighted by the romantic decorations. After all, breakfast happened every day, but Valentine's Day only came once a year—at least, in 1992.
Once the hall was fully decorated, Lockhart stood on stage and waved for silence.
"Ladies and gentlemen, happy Valentine's Day!"
Spreading his arms wide, he announced loudly, "From now on, you may present me with your cards! I will choose one lucky girl to receive my autograph!"
He flashed his signature dazzling smile.
This time, however, the response was lukewarm.
By now, most students had realized that this peacock of a man was nothing more than a flashy fraud.
But Lockhart, ever shameless, continued, "Of course, I must warn you in advance—don't neglect your other professors because of me. I wouldn't want them to feel… jealous."
With that, he clapped his hands.
The doors opened, and twelve gloomy-looking dwarfs marched in.
Dwarfs were short, stocky humanoid magical creatures found all over the world, known by different names in different regions—for example, the Curupira in Brazil. Unlike ordinary dwarfs, Lockhart had dressed them up with golden wings and harps, making them look even more ridiculous.
"My friendly, card-carrying Cupids!" Lockhart announced cheerfully. "Today, they will roam the school, delivering your Valentine's cards!"
"And that's not all," he added theatrically. "I'm sure my colleagues would be delighted to join in the fun!"
He pointed toward Professor Sprout. "If you're looking for a token of affection, visit Professor Sprout's greenhouse! I'm sure she'd be happy to share her carefully cultivated roses—or perhaps provide mistletoe services!"
Sprout lowered her head awkwardly, while Snape smirked coldly beside her.
Seeing Snape's expression, Lockhart loudly added, "And why not ask Professor Snape to teach you how to brew love potions? Despite appearances, he never fails in potion-making!"
Unfortunately, that flattery backfired spectacularly. Snape's face darkened instantly, his eyes gleaming dangerously—as if anyone who dared ask him about love potions would be force-fed poison instead.
Next, Lockhart turned to Professor Flitwick, who had been enjoying the show. "If you're interested, Professor Flitwick is more skilled at charming magic than any wizard I've ever met—that sly old fox!"
Flitwick immediately buried his face in his hands.
Before Lockhart could call on her, Professor McGonagall stood up and left the hall without a word.
After hearing Lockhart's speech, many students grew restless. Harry, Percy Weasley, Cedric Diggory… quite a few were tempted.
After all, it was the perfect day for a confession—especially with "Cupids" doing the delivery. It was practically the same as confessing on April Fool's or during a truth-or-dare game—far less risky.
Prefect Penelope seemed to sense something and immediately warned, "If anyone dares use those dwarfs to embarrass me, I'll haunt you even as a ghost!"
Cho Chang from Ravenclaw and Angelina from Gryffindor quickly voiced their agreement.
Lewis nodded in approval, then glanced cautiously at certain eager girls. "Let's get out of here. Somewhere safer."
He grabbed Cirilla and Hermione and hurried off.
Getting confessed to by a dwarf in a crowded area was basically public execution.
Cedric tried to find an excuse to talk privately with one, but before he could act, he was already surrounded.
Despite being known as Cho's admirer, Cedric himself was quite handsome—popular among both boys and girls. Among those admirers… well, the ratio was about seventy percent male.
After all, this was Britain.
Within an hour, the dwarfs had already delivered seven or eight love letters from male students alone.
Harry had similar troubles, though he could at least take pride in the fact that most of his letters were from girls.
Even during classes, the dwarfs didn't stop.
They barged into classrooms, delivering cards and annoying teachers to no end.
If anyone attracted the most attention, it was Lewis.
During Charms class, all twelve dwarfs took turns entering just to read him love letters. For the first time, Lewis began to wonder if constantly keeping Charm Person active might have been excessive.
Professor Flitwick eventually locked the classroom door to keep them out.
But the dwarfs simply gathered outside the windows, shouting cheesy love poems in thick, awful Scottish accents, driving him to near fury.
They tried the same stunt in Transfiguration class.
At that point, Lewis had an epiphany—he modified his druidic Animal Neglect technique into "Dwarf Neglect," making himself completely unnoticeable to them.
In the afternoon Potions class, Snape behaved unusually—he made no effort to stop the disturbances.
Less than two minutes into class, five dwarfs stormed in and lined up in front of Lewis's desk.
Lewis reached for his wand, intending to repeat his earlier method.
"Lewis Green," Snape drawled lazily, "who gave you permission to draw your wand? Ravenclaw loses five points."
He even made a mock gagging motion, clearly enjoying himself.
The Slytherins burst into laughter.
Lewis understood. The old bat was trying to mess with him.
Unfortunately for Snape, Lewis had plenty of tricks.
If he couldn't use his wand, he'd use something else.
With a thought, Lewis activated his psionic power and forcefully hypnotized the dwarfs.
One of them strummed his harp and began singing, "I have a musical Valentine's gift… for Professor Snape."
Snape froze.
Wait… was he the target now?
Before he could react, the dwarfs launched into a chorus.
"Oh, Snape!" ("Oh!")
"My dear old friend!" ("Old friend!")
"You are so handsome!" ("Oh! Handsome!")
"Your hair is like the blackest raven!" ("Oh, raven!")
"You are as dark and dashing as a vampire bat!" ("Oh, dashing!")
"For Merlin's sake," ("Merlin!")
"You are mine!" ("Mine!!")
"You foolish old bat!!" ("Old—baaat—!")
"Sectumsempra!"
Snape's face turned pitch black with rage. Fortunately, he still retained a shred of restraint and only destroyed the card with magic.
The dwarfs fled in panic—but they didn't give up. Instead, they stood outside the corridor, continuing their chorus dedicated to Professor Snape.
The classroom fell into dead silence. The students desperately held back their laughter, not daring to look at Snape—or even at the windows.
Only Lewis was quietly laughing his heart out.
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