"A transfer order?" said Rukia, shocked by the news.
"No," replied a blonde haired girl sitting across from her. "It's nothing like that. You're just being sent on a month-long assignment to the world of the living. It will be just like that time you went with me as my aide."
"Oh," Rukia said, as she looked down at her lap. She knew what this was about. Ever since the death of their second in command, Lieutenant Kaien Shiba, nothing had been the same. It was a grave loss for the entire squad, and an even greater loss for Rukia that would forever be burned into her memory. Just thinking about that night made tears start to well up in her eyes. Her mentor, best friend, and role model was dead and what made it even worse is almost no one knew the truth about his death.
"Your post is one spirit ri, a circle five miles in diameter from the center of Karakura town," said someone as they appeared from behind the shoji screen. He was a middle aged man with long white hair and a pale complexion. He wore the standard uniform for a soul reaper called a shihakusho, consisting of a black kimono and matching hakama pants. Over the uniform he wore a long white haori that matched the color of his hair.
"Captain Ukitake!" Rukia exclaimed upon seeing her company's commander.
"Captain," yelled a man who had previously been standing behind the blonde girl, a worried expression on his face.
"You should be in bed resting,"the blonde girl said, quickly running to the captain's side. "I must ask that you please allow me to escort you back."
"No, Captain Ukitake," replied the man as he ran to the other side of the captain, "Allow me to escort you back."
"Get lost loud mouth I was here first," the blonde girl to the other.
"Loud mouth!" the man exclaimed, his already angry looking face more pronounced, "You're the one who has been talking nonstop since we got here. You should let someone else do the talking for once, maybe then everyone wouldn't get all confused on what their job is when giving out assignments."
"Like you're any better," the blonde girl retaliated once more.
"Kiyone, Sentaro that's enough," replied Captain Ukitake with a gentle smile. "I'm actually feeling quite well today. Besides I thought Rukia might be worried about her first solo assignment. So I came to make sure everything is alright and see her off."
"Captain Ukitake," Rukia said, her eyes softening at her superior. He really was a kind man, always thinking of others first despite the fact that he himself needed more help than any other member of the Thirteen Court Guard squads. But her instincts quickly kicked in causing her to bow down from her seiza pose as she quickly switched back to formal greetings. "Thank you, sir."
"There is no need for formalities Rukia," the captain chuckled slightly. "Have you told Byakuya-san yet?"
"Not yet," she said as she raised her head, a sad look on her face. "Actually, I was planning on going without telling him. It just seems like too trivial a matter for me to bother Captain Kuchiki. After all, I'm sure he has much busier things to attend to."
Rukia's brother, Byakuya Kuchiki, was another captain of the Thirteen Court Guard squads and a very busy man. Every time she returned home her brother was either out or working in his study scribbling away at some report. He was a dedicated worker intent on upholding the honor of the noble Kuchiki clan, even inheriting the position in the thirteen court guard squad of his grandfather, the honorable Ginrei Kuchiki. He was the perfect role model for Rukia; One constantly striving for greatness and perfection though unfortunately for Rukia she quite often fell short of his desires. Why should he care? She truly was unforgivable.
Captain Ukitake looked at his subordinate, a small strand of her raven hair falling in front of her face only adding to her sorrowful look. He knew why. She had been through a lot with the death of his former lieutenant and despite her stoic face in his presence he knew that day still weighed heavy on her mind. Even now almost forty years later she still felt sorrow for that day. She seemed lost with nowhere to look and no one to turn to; that's when Kaien took her under his wing. He taught her and trained her as if she was his own sister. If she was upset, Kaien was there to calm her. If she was lonely, Kaien was there to comfort her. Everyone in the squad loved Kaien and his wife Miyako, but they and Rukia had something special and when they died it had affected Rukia in a way that no one could ever dream of, so much that in the forty years since she rarely ever released her the powers of her zanpakuto.
Even after all this she never bothered to tell her brother what had happened. The only reason Byakuya now knew was because of him and from the looks of things neither of them ever broached the subject with the other and he knew that even if he told her that she could talk about it with him she would refuse saying he was too important to waste his time talking about stuff like that. But he knew that she needed to let go of these burdens, which is exactly why he wanted her to go on this assignment.
Ukitake gave a small smile as he kneeled down before her. "Alright," he said, his voice as soft as silk, "If that's what you want, have it your way. I'll tell Byakuya for you."
Rukia's head raised, her purple eyes a mixture of shock and relief as she looked at her commander. She once again bowed down before saying, "Thank you, Captain." With that she stood up and walked out of the building, passing both her captain and the group of Kiyone and Sentaro waiting outside.
She slowly made her way through the bustling streets in the direction of the Senkaimon, the portal between the World of the Living and The Soul Society where she currently resided. "That was nice of Captain Ukitake," she thought to herself, "With his health he normally wouldn't do something like that. But I guess it does take a load off my shoulders. I wouldn't want my brother to worry about whether I was okay because I didn't show up home for several days."
"This will be my first assignment by myself. I wonder what he would think?" Rukia thought, her mind once again returning to her teacher. "Would he be proud of how far I've come?" She stopped and looked at the sword at her side, "Why did I go back?" Her eyes filled with tears as she fought back sobs recalling that dark stormy day.
The rain pattered on her face as she stood there, the body of her mentor Kaien draped over her, his blood running down her hands staining her sleeves. She stood there petrified as she felt the warmth slowly leaving his body.
"Thank you Rukia," he whispered into her ear, his final words echoing in the ears of his pupil as his hand fell from the sorrowful embrace he held her in. She felt her mind go numb as she stood there with Kaien's limp body draped over her shoulder waves of grief and emotion overcoming her as she screamed. Her knees went weak as collapsed holding his body in her arms, her tears mixing with the raindrops that fell upon her face as she buried her face into the shoulder of her dead friend as if by miracle he could somehow be resurrected by her wishes, but he did not stir.
She cried and cried, grieving the loss of Kaien. No matter how much he attempted, Captain Ukitake could not console her as her tears cascaded forth. Kaien Shiba was dead; He died in her arms; His blood soaked her hands as she continued to clutch his lifeless, mangled corpse. She wailed and wailed till her voice grew hoarse and her throat was raw, and even then she continued. That Hollow. That damned Hollow. Why did he have to take Kaien? Why couldn't it have been someone else? Why couldn't it have taken her instead? Why did she have to suffer this unbearable burden of guilt?
"Are you okay?" a passing soul reaper asked.
"Huh," Rukia replied as she came out of her daze. She felt her face stained with tears as they trickled down her cheeks, her knuckles white as her hand firmly clenched around her zanpakuto sheath.
"I asked, are you alright?" the soul reaper repeated, his eyes filled with worry.
No, everything was not fine. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't. A lady would never act that way. She wanted to cry but she wouldn't. That wouldn't be proper for a member of a noble to do. She wanted to tell someone but she could never do that, besmirching the name of the noble Kuchiki clan. To hold that name meant she had to be strong, for the sake of her clan. So she did the one thing she could do.
"Yes," Rukia replied, smiling at the soul reaper as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve, "Thank you for your concern though." She gave the passerby one last smile before walking away. She didn't know if that Soul Reaper would tell anyone but it didn't matter; she wouldn't be here much longer. Why did people do that? Why do they still intend on treating her as an equal? She was pathetic, not even worth the time of day. No one could help her. She knew the captain had noble reasons for sending her to the World of the Living, but what good would it do her? What would this assignment do to help her forget about what happened that day? No amount of fighting hollows could ever ease the overwhelming pain she felt. Sometimes it hurt just to wield her zanpakuto. So what did Captain Ukitake hope to accomplish by sending her on this mission?
She soon found herself in the Senkaimon courtyard perched high above, an outlook over the entirety of the soul society. She waited silently as the great doors of the Senkaimon opened, watching the people down below their faces alight with happiness while above she felt nothing but grief.
Her eyes turned forward as she stared into the bright light emitted by the Senkaimon, a tear trickling down her cheek as she recalled her days with Kaien. When he taught her swordsmanship, when he helped her practice kido, and the day it all ended. Those final words ringing in her ears, "Thank you Rukia."
"I'm sorry Kaien," Rukia said, tears streaming down her face as she crossed the threshold disappearing into the light. "I'm truly unforgivable."