Hello!
This is Rex once again!
And I'm here to report my findings after spending a month as a baby... It's awesome.
Not only can I sleep whenever I want, pee whenever I want, or shit whenever I want—every time I cry loudly, I get to suck on those beautiful milkers. Ahem, it's not like I'm lusting after my own mother, but the nanny is a different case entirely.
I've got my mother and a wet nurse taking care of me alternately. No matter how many times I see them, those boobies are definitely something I won't get tired of.
Apart from them, there are also about five maids who keep watch over me through the night in shifts. Well, they're not as beautiful as my mother, but... I can't say they're unattractive either.
Even my wet nurse is quite a looker. I'm starting to wonder if physical appearance is a primary factor in choosing personnel for the mansion.
I guess Father's a "man" through and through...
Oh, right.
Just to add—I still haven't seen my father yet.
From the conversations around me, combined with my sponge-like memory and adult-level thinking, I was starting to learn the language they use.
From the bits and pieces they exchanged, I learned that he was out on a hunting mission with the fief's soldiers and hunters, and would be back in another month.
How dare a father leave his wife and newborn—who was not even a month old at the time—behind?
But, well, I guess as a noble, he has his duties to fulfill too.
Hopefully, he regrets having to leave us behind... If not, then I'm definitely going to hate that old man I've yet to meet.
How dare he leave my beautiful mother alone!
Anyway, back to the topic.
After a month, I also finished appraising everything around me.
That includes people, of course. That's how I learned Mother's name, Aria, and the nanny's, Helen. The maids: Frau, Geraldine, Celine, Nikki, and Odette. And finally, the old butler, Thomas.
Of course, appraising them also meant seeing their stats.
For example, Mother Aria had mostly E- to D+ across her stats. Quite low, but still higher than my array of F-. The others were mostly the same, ranging from E- to D-. Only the butler had a stat reaching C+, which was his INT.
It was just like my MP and LUK stats: outliers.
With just this data, it's hard to conclude much, but I hypothesize that most stats for "normal" citizens range from E to D. Having C or above makes someone an elite. And maybe A and above means legendary... Haha, well, that last bit was more wishful thinking.
If having an S stat isn't a big deal, then I'd really start cursing the gods for not giving me any reincarnation benefits.
---
"Y-Young Master...! You can walk already!"
"Amazing! We should let the Madam know!"
"Come over here~! Young Master Rex, over here~!"
Another month later, I finally succeeded in standing up and walking. I was still roughly four months old, but already walking—that's not too fast, right?
Anyway, it really was difficult to achieve, given my weak knees and wobbly body. Just keeping myself balanced on two legs was as hard as walking a tightrope as an adult!
…Well, not like I've ever actually walked a tightrope.
The most relevant experience I had was having a police officer make me walk in a straight line after being caught drunk driving. That was... fucking difficult. Kids, don't do this at home!
I had to exercise whenever I was awake—which was far too short a window, by the way—and try to build up the muscles in my limbs to support my own weight. Months of a brutal workout regimen: push-ups, sit-ups, and rolling around.
But with this achievement, I could now explore freely around the house soon enough!
"My little Rex~!"
At that moment, after being called by Odette, my mother arrived. She looked touched watching me stand on my own two feet, tears glistening at the corners of her eyes.
"My son is a genius!" she praised. "I'm sure your father will be happy to hear about this!"
"Bu...?"
Did she just say... Father?
That bastard finally returned?
Right as I was thinking that, a man entered the room in hurried strides. He wore some sort of military uniform, stiff and adorned with medals on the left side of his chest. He had blonde hair like Mother's and blue eyes like mine.
"Aria...! Rex...!" he called excitedly, smiling broadly.
Ptew!
I spat on the ground when I saw his face.
After all, no matter how I looked at it—he was too handsome for his own good!
And I hate men who look better than I do!
Well, given I'm technically carrying his genes, maybe my appearance will pull closer to his later...? Not sure about that.
"Come here, my little champ!"
The man crouched beside Mother, waving his hand at me. I turned toward him and began to walk... walk... walk... and hugged—
"Da!"
Mother.
"Ahaha, looks like you've been away too long. Your son doesn't recognize you anymore." Mother laughed, looking victorious.
"It can't be helped. He couldn't even open his eyes yet when I had to leave," he replied with a wry smile.
Then, with me in the middle, they suddenly... kissed each other.
"..."
Are you trying to kill me with secondhand embarrassment from watching you two flirt?
What sort of punishment game is this?!
But little did I know that was just the start of my nightmare.
That night, while I was resting in my crib in the same room as Mother and Father... they started to strip each other's clothes, whispering sweet nothings to each other, and...
Well...
You know.
Anyway! Judging by the intensity of their nightly activities—which continued for a full week without skipping—I might be expecting a younger sibling soon.
...
Still, if they're planning to do the deed, couldn't they at least move me to another room?
It's too awkward in here, I say...