※This novel is a side story created from a Q&A event held on JORI. It follows a format where questions received at the time are gathered and answered by the characters.
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Human life is always entwined with delusion, and no one knows when an ordinary person might slip into the surreal. The moment one encounters the unreal is often so absurd and implausible that it feels as if God Himself is forcing the hand of fate.
"What is this?"
"What is it?"
"What the hell is this, anyway?"
Koma, Eto, and Hitokawa exchanged no words, yet each was certain they had fallen into a surreal void.
When they came to, they found themselves stranded in a pure white space. How could such a place possibly be called realistic?
In front of them stood a round table and three chairs, as if waiting for their arrival.
At the edge of the table sat a microphone that looked like it belonged in a broadcasting studio, and in the center was a transparent box piled high with slips of paper.
With no idea how they had arrived, the three cautiously approached the suspicious tools laid out in this strange place.
Then, Eto spotted a note on the table.
"There's something written here."
"What does it say?"
"...Mission. Answer every question inside the box. If you fail to resolve all the questions, you cannot leave this place."
"What kind of bullshit is that?"
Hitokawa muttered in disbelief.
Koma, standing beside him, pinched his own cheek and grimaced.
"Damn it. This isn't a dream. Then is it a hidden camera? Did one of you sign up for some prank show?"
Hitokawa and Eto both shook their heads.
Even if it were a prank, who could possibly trap three people in an unfamiliar dimension without them noticing? Especially three people who prided themselves on having survived some of the roughest situations imaginable.
"Maybe we just have to answer the questions? I don't sense any particular malice."
"So we just play along for now?"
"Well, it seems like the only viable option at the moment."
Koma looked around the white void as he spoke. If it wasn't an optical illusion, the space stretched on endlessly toward a distant horizon. He felt a vague sense of anxiety, as if stepping away from the table would mean they'd never find their way back.
Though suspicious, the three sat in their respective chairs.
Then, as if by magic, a stack of papers appeared before them.
"They're really going all out."
"It says 'script' on it."
"Let's see..."
As the three flipped through the pages, their expressions twisted in unison.
After a moment of stunned silence, Hitokawa finally managed to read aloud.
"...H-Hitokawa and~"
"E-Eto and~"
"Koma's 'Ask Me Anything Radio'~ ...Damn it. What the hell is this?"
Koma tossed the script behind him, and the other two followed suit, discarding their papers in agreement.
Whoever had orchestrated this clearly had a taste for the childish. Or perhaps they simply enjoyed watching others suffer through random, nonsensical pranks.
"Let's just get this over with so we can leave."
Determined to finish quickly, Hitokawa pulled a slip from the transparent box and unfolded it.
"Let's see... A question from 'Art Student Imkkeokjeong.' The question is..."
"What color are Arima's underwear today? Is it white, as expected?"
"...What kind of insane question is this?"
Eto and Koma shared Hitokawa's dazed expression.
A moment later, Hitokawa shouted as he flung the slip away.
"No, damn it! What kind of joke is this! How the hell am I supposed to know if that bastard's underwear is white or not!"
"I prefer trunks, so I don't wear white briefs."
"Why are you answering that!? ...Huh?"
Sensing something off, Hitokawa turned. There stood Arima Kishou, the subject of the question, wearing a perfectly calm expression.
"You... why are you here?"
"I was told I needed to answer a question, so I came. Now that my business is concluded, I shall take my leave. I still have 183 apology reports to finish..."
Arima bowed slightly and vanished in a flicker of light.
The three left behind stared at the empty space, speechless.
A moment later, a *ding!* sounded from somewhere, and the slip Hitokawa had drawn vanished.
Koma, the first to process the situation, stroked his chin. "I see. So that's how this works."
"I-I'll try the next one."
Looking tense, Eto rummaged through the box and pulled out a slip.
"This one is from 'Black Pebble.'"
"I'm curious about Dad's (Koma) reaction if he found out someone had actually become a Ghoul by secretly having their organs replaced!"
"...So, Dad?" Eto turned to him. Koma scratched his cheek before answering.
"Setting aside whether that's even possible, if someone actually went through that, I'd feel incredibly sorry for them. No normal person could stay sane in that situation. What did they do to deserve becoming a Ghoul? Did they sell the Earth to aliens in a past life or something?"
Ding!
At his blunt response, the bell rang again and the slip vanished.
This time, Koma drew a slip.
"This one is from someone called 'Decline.'"
"Seeing the protagonist's dad giving a thumbs-up, he seems to be doing great. Please tell us how he's been lately!"
"What is this talking about? That old man died ages ago..."
BOOM!
Before Koma could finish, smoke exploded a short distance away.
As the smoke cleared, a figure emerged... his late father, Takaki Harima. He was dressed in breezy tropical attire, holding a fruit cocktail in one hand and wearing sunglasses.
Reclining on a plastic beach lounger, Harima spotted Koma and raised a hand cheerfully.
"Oh! Son! I'm doing great with your mother, so don't rush to join us!"
"..."
Leaving his speechless son behind, the father vanished in another smoke-filled explosion, just as he had appeared.
The group fell into a heavy silence, stunned by the absurdity.
"Was that... your father?"
"Don't say it."
"That was definitely the grandfather I'd only seen in photos..."
"I said don't say it!"
Koma needed a moment of silence to process his confusion.
He had cried his eyes out when the man died, and here the old man was, living it up on a carefree vacation in the afterlife?
It was better than suffering, sure, but knowing his father was lounging around while he struggled in reality sparked a surge of irritation he couldn't suppress.
He pressed a hand to his forehead and muttered something murderous about smashing the memorial tablet the moment he got home, then finally looked up.
"I think I get the gist. Things that are impossible in the real world happen here as if they're normal. Which means all that's left for us is..."
Koma's gaze shifted to the pile of slips, and the other two followed.
"...to deal with every single one of these questions, no matter what weirdness they trigger."
Gulp.
The sound of a dry swallow echoed in the silence, betraying their collective tension.
***
"@If we estimate Eto's rate right now, what would it be? - by. Nissuwipalloma"
"Bring it on!!"
BOOOOOOM!!!
"Hey, you brat! You put some real emotion into that attack, didn't you!?"
"Nope. Not at all. Anyway, what's the estimated rate?"
"...Estimated rate is S+. Why is it so high? Did you eat something without realizing it..."
"Okay, next!"
"@If Arima were to cut Koma into pieces right in front of you, what would Eto's reaction be? (Sorry, Eto) - by. Kibehiru"
"If you're so sorry, why are you saying such ominous crap? Should I cut you into pieces first?"
"Hey, calm down! Don't reveal your [Kakugan]! Yelling at a piece of paper won't do anything!"
"Besides, for some reason, I have a vague feeling that the people sending these slips are actually very precious to us. ...Why is that?"
After the chaos subsided, they moved to the next.
"@According to the original setting, a natural one-eyed Ghoul can normally eat human food. Is the setting different here? - by. UREㅡjks"
"I'm not entirely sure what you mean, but the point is whether we can eat human food, right? If you just mean the act of consuming it, then yes. However, it feels like chewing on a tasteless solid, and there's practically no nutritional value, so it's pointless."
"That's why I've been experimenting with various fusion dishes, mixing human food with human flesh to make it taste better."
"It was delicious!"
"I'm going to throw up. Don't say another word."
Ignoring Hitokawa as he began to gag, they continued.
"@What do you think about love between humans and Ghouls? - by. hison730"
"I really want to hear this, Dad."
"Why are your eyes sparkling like that..."
"Anyway."
"Hmm... I can only describe it as amazing. Love between a Ghoul and a human? There are so many walls to overcome. If it actually happens, it's a miracle. But I don't think it's impossible. I've actually witnessed such a miracle myself."
"Why are you staring at me like that? It's embarrassing..."
Leaving behind a wriggling, bashful Eto, they moved on.
"I think it'd be fun if there were a story where Koma fights Ghouls using the Quinque his father used to use - by. ghglfkth"
"Kyaaaaaaah!!!"
"Which bastard put this question in here!?"
"Dad, hang in there!"
"Koma! Cut off the arm first, then aim for the abdomen!"
...And so, the three of them worked through the mountain of questions one by one.
"Let's take a break..."
"Hoo..."
"Haa..."
At Koma's suggestion, he leaned back in his chair while Eto and Hitokawa slumped against the table.
The two of them were exhausted from their sparring match to measure rates, and Koma had sweated bullets fighting a Ghoul—even a small fry—with an unfamiliar weapon.
The most grueling part was that, despite their efforts, the pile of slips remained dauntingly high.
"They're not getting any fewer..."
"Honestly, there are way too many of these."
"When will this ever end..."
As they grumbled and stared at the transparent box, a rough hand suddenly reached in and yanked away a handful of papers. Koma, Eto, and Hitokawa stared in shock at the stranger who had appeared out of nowhere.
The man looked to be in his mid-twenties and had the aura of someone who lived a profoundly lonely life. He selected several slips, tucked them into his coat, and looked toward an unseen audience.
"To SOS396, InnesR, MangpleW, Fukkiramata, ApologyPig, Wound, Morgos, IceMoon, dltmdgns103, BlueChickenTree, and lokoko. I'm terribly sorry, but as stated in the event notice, I'll be excluding questions that cannot be answered or revealed due to the story's progression. It may sound ridiculous, but even I, the author, don't know the answers to some of these!"
With those words, the man vanished without a trace.
The three, who had been staring blankly at his sudden appearance and departure, finally snapped out of it and jumped up.
"Who the hell was that guy!?"
"He just stole the slips! Does that count as them being answered!?"
Ding!
"The bell rang! I guess it does!"
"But seriously, who was that bastard!?"
After the confusion settled, the three sat back down.
"I don't know who he was, but if the workload is lighter, I'm not complaining. Let's finish the rest and get out of here."
Seeing Eto and Hitokawa nod, Koma pulled a new slip from the box. His brow furrowed instantly, prompting the other two to ask, "What is it? What's the question this time?"
"What's wrong?"
Instead of answering, Koma flipped the slip around to show them.
"@I'm also curious how Saiko Nanami has been doing lately. I wonder what kind of trouble she'll cause and get tangled up with Koma again...;;;;;; - by. Andal"
"Saiko..."
"Shinaoto Minami..."
How could they ever forget that name?
The sheer misery they endured because of that woman was still vivid in their minds.
"Given that anything can happen in this space, if this question is here, then..."
BOOOOOM!!!
Before he could finish, a deafening explosion struck their ears like a dramatic entrance cue.
Following the sound, they saw several police cars that seemed to have dropped straight from the sky, with a woman rolling around on top of them.
"Oh? It's been a while, everyone~?"
It was Minami.
She was dressed in a sleek black suit, looking like a glamorous spy from a thriller movie. A large sack was slung over her back, and through a small tear, expensive necklaces and watches were peeking out.
Koma pressed a hand to his deeply furrowed brow.
"I have a lot to say, but first: what the hell are you doing?"
"I ran out of money while performing activities to make the world a happier place."
With a metallic clatter, Minami held up the sack of loot. "So, I robbed a jewelry store."
"Are you insane?!!"
"Wow~ it was a close call. The police were right on my tail! But they seemed like such good people~ When I charged at them on my motorcycle, they swerved because they didn't want me to get hit. Just like you said, Koma, people really do have a sense of decency~ Though the result was this massive pileup."
"Is this woman a complete lunatic!?"
Several police cars lay crumpled together, and the groans of officers buried under deployed airbags could be heard in the distance.
The three were now certain that this woman had not changed one bit.
Then, sensing something, Minami waved at them.
"I think I should get going. I'd better bolt before the officers wake up~ Oh, right! If you ever need a new stepmother for Eto, just say the word~!"
""Like hell we will!!""
Eto and Koma shouted in unison.
They would rather Eto walk into Cochlea of her own accord and Koma die a lifelong bachelor than let that woman become a stepmother.
Minami waved and vanished in a cloud of smoke, leaving the group with a weariness far greater than any physical exertion could cause.
"...Do we really have to keep doing this?"
Hitokawa muttered, sounding genuinely disillusioned.
"W-well, there probably aren't that many questions that summon people we hate... Ah."
Holding onto a sliver of hope, Eto drew the next slip, only for her expression to freeze.
Koma and Hitokawa peered over her shoulder at the unfolded paper.
"@What do the Ghouls who have faced the protagonist (Koma) so far think of him? - by. Jonsina Black and Black Dragon"
The question itself was simple—a basic inquiry about one's reputation.
The problem was that it specifically asked for the opinions of Ghouls that Koma had fought.
"Oh no..."
"...Damn it."
As the cursed faces of their enemies flashed through their minds, Koma and Hitokawa spat out curses. And once again, just like with Minami and his father, a thunderous explosion erupted in a cloud of smoke.
BOOOOOOM!!!
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