Chapter 19 – The Funeral
The next three days were a blur of phone calls, paperwork, and quiet.
Adrian spent most of his time in his office on the phone with the police, with his mother, with Nadia's family.
I stayed out of his way, cooked, cleaned, kept the apartment calm.
On the third morning, he came out of his office at 9 a.m.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"The funeral is tomorrow at 10 a.m."
I nodded.
"Would you come with me?"
"Yes. Of course."
"Thank you."
He went back to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 92 – The funeral is tomorrow at 10 a.m.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She said yes.*
I closed the notebook.
I picked out a simple black dress.
I didn't own many black clothes.
I ironed the dress and laid it on the bed.
Tuesday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
I spent the morning getting ready.
At 9:30 a.m. Adrian came out of his office.
"You're ready," he said.
"Yes."
We took a taxi to the mosque.
Nadia's family was there — her parents, her sister, a few cousins.
Adrian's mother was there, holding Layla.
Layla wore a small black dress and clutched her bear.
When she saw me, she ran to me.
"Lila!"
I knelt down and hugged her.
"Hi, habibti."
She hugged me tight.
Adrian stood beside me, his face pale.
The imam began the prayer.
I stood beside Adrian, holding his hand.
He held mine back, his grip tight.
After the burial, people came to offer condolences.
Adrian's mother came to me.
"Thank you for being here for Adrian," she said.
"You're welcome."
She hugged me.
Layla hugged my leg.
"You came," she said.
"Yes, habibti. I came."
We left the cemetery around 1 p.m.
In the taxi home, Adrian held my hand the entire way.
When we got back to the apartment, he didn't go to his office.
He sat on the couch.
I sat next to him.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for being with me today."
"You're welcome."
He looked at me.
"I couldn't have done it without you."
"Yes, you could have."
"No. I couldn't."
He was quiet for a moment.
"Thank you for holding my hand."
"You're welcome."
He leaned in and kissed my forehead.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 93 – We buried Nadia today.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She was with me.*
I closed the notebook and lay in bed.
I thought about Nadia's parents, their faces.
I thought about Layla hugging my leg.
I thought about Adrian holding my hand the whole taxi ride home.
I whispered to the dark room,
"Maybe I'm part of this family now."
Wednesday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
I spent the day cleaning and cooking.
At 8 p.m. he came home.
He saw me and said, "Hi."
"Hi. How was your day?"
"It was hard."
"Do you want dinner?"
"Yes, please."
I served the food.
We ate.
After dinner, he stayed.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for being with me at the funeral."
"You're welcome."
He hesitated.
"Can I kiss you tonight?"
"Yes."
He kissed me.
It was gentle, sad, grateful.
When he pulled back, he whispered, "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 94 – Can I kiss you tonight?*
Under it:
*She's Lila. Yes.*
Thursday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
At 4 p.m. Mrs. Cole texted: *Layla is asking for you.*
I replied: *I'll see her tomorrow.*
*Mrs. Cole: She's counting the hours.*
I smiled.
At 8 p.m. Adrian came home.
"You went to see Layla?" he asked.
"No. Tomorrow."
"Thank you for respecting the rule."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 95 – She didn't go see Layla. She respected the rule.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She's reliable.*
Friday at 4 p.m. I was at Mrs. Cole's apartment.
Layla ran to me and hugged me.
"Lila!"
I hugged her back.
We played, we read, we laughed.
She drew the house with three people again.
"This is Mama."
"This is Baba."
"This is Lila."
I hugged her.
When the hour was over, she said, "See you next week, Lila."
"I'll see you next week, habibti."
I kissed her forehead and left.
When I got home at 5:15 p.m., Adrian was there.
"You went to see Layla," he said.
"Yes."
"How was she?"
"She's happy."
"Good."
"Thank you for letting me see her."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 96 – She went to see Layla for one hour.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She's part of our life.*
Saturday night, after dinner, Adrian stayed at the table.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for being with me this week."
"You're welcome."
He looked at me.
"I don't know how I would have gotten through the funeral without you."
"You would have."
"No. I wouldn't."
He reached for my hand and held it.
"Can I kiss you tonight?"
"Yes."
He kissed me.
When he pulled back, he whispered, "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 97 – I don't know how I would have gotten through the funeral without you.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She was with me.*
Sunday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
I spent the day cleaning and cooking.
At 8 p.m. he came home.
He saw me and said, "Hi."
"Hi. How was your day?"
"It was quiet."
"Do you want dinner?"
"Yes, please."
I served the food.
We ate.
After dinner, he stayed.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for being here."
"You're welcome."
He looked at me.
"Can I kiss you tonight?"
"Yes."
He kissed me.
When he pulled back, he whispered, "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 98 – Can I kiss you tonight?*
Under it:
*She's Lila. Yes.*
I closed the notebook and lay in bed.
The funeral was over.
Nadia was buried.
Adrian had cried, and I had been there.
I thought about the way Layla had hugged my leg.
I thought about Adrian's mother thanking me.
I whispered to the dark room,
"Maybe I belong here."