It's weekend and it's a Saturday morning, decided to do a little house cleaning and I stumbled across a letter I wrote to White my ex, the one I thought I would spend my life with but she left the moment my football career went off the window, I will come to that later. "I was there for you when no one was there for me, I took all the bullet just for you to leave me cause of the scars, I risked it all for you yet you left afterwards.I just want to say a big thank you for making a hole inside that big heart of mine. in you was where I put my hope on. I was nothing but real but when you left everything felt surreal . I had no one except you unknown to me the you I had was no one actually.I always looked from positive side always not realizing the negative was lurking around in the corner. I was the cornerstone which your world was built on but I guess i was too strong for you to hold on to. I was subtle as always, considerate of all actions aside myself. Thank you for making me realize I have to love myself more and that I will appreciate till eternity." Tears drip down my eyes as I read the letter I sent to her, she was the only girl I ever had the chance to hang with, she was my first everything, White my childhood sweetheart yet she still ended up staining my white despite my efforts. I thought I had healed. But one glance at the letter, and I realized some wounds don't close, they just learn to breathe quietly, they become a part of us we pretend to overcome, hiding beneath the skin of who we eventually become. The Saturday was already starting off better but couldn't turn any better, maybe some Saturdays aren't meant to heal, maybe they are just meant to remind. It's hightime I burn this letter, I thought as I made for my spark. Just as the flames kissed the corner of the letter, my phone buzzed, sharp like it knew it was interrupting something, I was expecting calls or text from no one important so I took my phone and glanced down, I was shocked at what I saw, guess whose name was staring at me from my screen like a ghost refusing to be buried, speak of the devil White, with my heart pounding hard i stared at the message, didn't know what to do whether to open it or to ignore, my heart just entered panic mode. The letter half burnt trembled in my hand, it's edges curling like it was also afraid of what next to come. I hadn't seen her in years not to talk of hearing her name or anything, not even places we visited together, she was like a ghost during those lost years, and now today that reminded me of healing, she was back or atleast her name was. Still staring at the message and I subconsciously slipped to my past, reliving the pain bit by bit once more. My last day with White.
It was raining on that faithful day, not the kind with lots of showers but the kind that whispers, soft and cold, like the atmosphere knew the goodbye was coming so it wanted to be gentle. I just saw my career end before it actually really began, my football career, my hardwork, the dream I wanted to build my life around got evicted with just one injury, one snap and it's all gone like it was never going to happen, the best player within my peers just gone like that.
I could remember vividly I was sitting on the bench just outside the rehab center, soaked in disappointment. She walked in, my darling princess, White, with her Umbrella tilted and her eyes looking so distant already. Innocent me thinking she came to comfort me because of the height of this hurdle, I thought love meant showing up for ur partner when it hurts the most. But she stood there refusing to sit. She didn't speak gently or softly as she usually does, she just dropped it like it was walking time bomb, like a line she spent all day rehearsing. " I can't do this anymore" she said. No explanation, No fight, just a clean break and a shatter, like I was a chapter she just finished reading in a book. I watched her walk away, fading into the must, it was at that point I knew some people don't just leave with a bang, they leave with silence that echoes louder than any scream. That was hw she vanished and I saw her no more. She vanished along with my chosen career, it made me wondered whether she would still be by my side if my career had turned out differently. The ash from the letter barely cooling on the table while I stare at White's message. "Hey, it's been a while. Can we talk?" My thumb hovered, betrayal and curiosity stirring inside me. Five years. Five damn years of silence, and now this? Part of me wanted to delete it, to let the fire that burnt the letter consume this too. But another part of me the one that still ached for answers, curiosity, with maybe a little resentment won. I typed back, my fingers heavy: "Sure, Tomorrow. Liem Café. 10 AM." Her reply came almost instantly, swiftly as if she'd been waiting, phone in hand. "That old spot, see you then."