Kiefer (POV)
After hearing her…
I knew.
She wasn't pushing me away.
She was hurting—just like me.
I had always thought that if I stayed by her side, no one could hurt her.
But I was wrong.
It was me.
I was the one who hurt her the most.
Because she loved me.
Because she chose me.
And still…
She was trying.
Trying to hold onto us.
Trying not to lose me.
My arms tightened around her without thinking.
I couldn't see her face—
But I didn't need to.
I could feel it.
The way her body trembled.
The way her breath broke.
She was crying.
For me.
And I—
I was crying for her.
A helpless, bitter thought hit me.
If we love each other this much…
Then why does it hurt like this?
"Jay…" I whispered, my voice rougher than I expected.
"I'm not going anywhere."
A pause.
"I know my actions made you doubt me."
I exhaled slowly, my grip tightening just slightly.
"I knew you remembered your past… and I waited."
Another breath.
"I waited for you to ask… because I was scared to be the one to bring it up first."
My jaw clenched.
"And are you really that stupid?"
My voice broke a little at the edge of it.
"You think I would run, break down, and lose my mind like that… if I didn't love you?"
Silence.
Heavy.
"You're the only one who makes me feel what love is… and what it means to be loved."
A pause.
"I'm not saying I wasn't wrong."
My voice dropped lower.
"Yes, I made a plan. I wanted revenge on Aries."
A bitter breath.
"But from the beginning…"
My arms tightened slightly around her.
"I was drawn to you."
"Like a magnet."
My eyes closed briefly.
"Your smile… your heart… the way you treated Section-E like they mattered—without judging them."
A faint shake of my head.
"Not like everyone else."
"I tried to deny it."
"I kept telling myself it wasn't real."
My voice hardened with regret.
"Until the moment I realized I could lose you."
A pause.
"And that's when everything broke."
I swallowed.
"Every word I said to you back then…"
My voice dropped, quieter now.
"…I regret all of it."
A breath.
"Every second I stayed away from you… I regret that too."
My hold on her softened slightly—careful now.
"But I waited."
"Because I knew…"
A faint exhale.
"I knew you loved the same way I did."
"With everything."
"And I believed… one day, you'd find your way back to me. And you did."
Silence.
Then, softer—
"I hid things from you."
A pause.
"Not because I didn't love you…"
My voice cracked slightly.
"But because I was scared."
"Scared that if I told you everything… I'd lose you again."
My grip tightened unconsciously.
"I can't go back to that silence, Jay."
A breath.
"I won't survive it. I would die."
My forehead lowered slightly, close to her.
"People say I'm obsessed with you."
A quiet scoff.
"That it's not love."
My voice steadied.
"They're wrong."
"I love you."
A pause.
"I just don't know how to love you without being afraid of losing you."
My chest tightened.
"So don't push me away."
"Don't leave me like that again."
My voice dropped to something almost pleading.
"You can hate me."
"Hit me."
"Push me away if you need to."
"But let me stay."
A long pause.
"Because I can't exist without you."
Silence filled the space between us again.
Then quieter—
"I know I made mistakes."
"And I've learned from them."
A breath.
"You asked if any part of me ever loved you…"
A faint, broken exhale.
"Every part of me did."
"Every version of me does."
My arms tightened just slightly again—carefully, as if she might break.
"And every second… I'm scared that if I hold you too tight…"
My voice softened.
"…you'll break again."
A pause.
"I didn't hide things because I didn't love you."
"I hid them because I was scared of losing you."
My breath slowed.
"After four years… I finally got you back."
A long silence.
Then, almost a whisper—
"If you knew everything back then…"
A pause.
"…would you still have loved me like this?"
"Then you're stupid too…" she said.
But there was no real anger in her voice.
Just… hurt.
And something softer underneath.
Then she spoke again.
"I do, Kiefer…"
My breath stilled.
"I love you."
Every word landed deeper than the last.
"Like you said… I love every piece of you."
My chest tightened.
"Not just the soft version… not just the easy parts."
Her voice trembled—but she didn't stop.
"I love your jealousy… your possessiveness… your anger…"
A pause.
"I love every piece of you because you're Kiefer."
The man she loved.
My hands tightened around her unconsciously.
"Even if I forget every memory of us…"
Her voice softened.
"…my body remembers."
My breath caught.
"The way you touch me… the way you love me… the way you make me feel."
Silence.
Heavy.
"I didn't love you with just my heart."
A pause.
"I loved you with my soul."
That—
That broke something inside me.
"Every piece of me…" she whispered.
"…will choose you."
A breath.
"Again and again."
My chest tightened so hard it hurt.
And before I could stop it—
I realized—
I was crying.
Quietly.
Helplessly.
Because even after everything…
She was still choosing me.
Even after everything.
My chest gave in.
I buried my face in her neck, holding her like she was the only thing keeping me standing.
"Jay…" My voice came out rough.
"To me… you're not just someone I love."
A breath.
"You're a blessing."
My hold tightened slightly.
"The fact that I get to have you in my life…"
My voice softened.
"That's not something that's ever going to change."
I closed my eyes.
"I've never imagined anyone else as my wife."
A pause.
"Not once."
"You taught me how to love, Jay."
My fingers curled against hers, grounding me.
"And you became my family… something I didn't have for twenty-four years."
Silence.
But it wasn't empty.
It was full of everything I had never said out loud.
"I was happy."
A small, broken exhale.
"Those three months… waking up next to you… watching you notice things no one else ever did…"
My voice dropped.
"…living with you like that… I was really happy."
My throat tightened.
"And I agree that in the past I pushed you."
The words tasted bitter.
"I didn't leave because I didn't love you."
A pause.
"I left because I was scared."
My grip trembled slightly.
"Scared that I would hurt you again."
A breath.
"Because I already did once."
My jaw clenched.
"And I lost control."
Silence stretched.
"I have enemies, Jay."
My voice lowered.
"People who would use you to get to me."
My hold tightened instinctively.
"I pushed you away… so they wouldn't touch you."
"So they wouldn't even look in your direction."
A pause.
"It killed me."
My voice cracked quietly.
"But I thought it was the only way."
I exhaled slowly, pressing my forehead against her.
"And then… You forgot everything."
A faint, bitter breath.
"I thought maybe… after everything was over…"
My fingers tightened.
"…I would come back."
"Beg you."
A pause.
"I beg you to let me stay."
"To let me be with you again."
My voice softened, almost breaking.
"So I could protect you…"
A small breath.
"…from them."
Another pause.
Then quieter—
"…and from me."
Jay-jay (POV)
I could feel his tears against my back.
He wasn't holding them in anymore.
He was breaking.
Slowly, I turned to face him.
And my chest tightened.
His eyes were red.
Lost.
Like he had already given up on himself.
I was already sitting at the edge of the bed.
Careful.
Because now… I had to be.
But still—
I trusted him.
My hand slowly moved to my stomach, resting there instinctively.
A quiet reminder.
I wasn't alone anymore.
I swallowed softly, my fingers brushing over it in a gentle, absent motion.
Trust your dad… I whispered in my mind, almost like I was speaking to the tiny life inside me.
A small pause.
Then softer—
Because I do.
My eyes lifted back to him.
Steady.
Certain.
I trusted my husband.
"You're scared… because you think you can't protect me from yourself," I asked softly.
He didn't speak.
He just nodded.
And something inside me settled.
I smiled.
A small one.
Enough to confuse him.
Before he could react—
I let myself fall.
Off the bed.
A sharp gasp left him as his hand shot out instantly, grabbing onto my dress and pulling me back into his arms.
"Jay—are you crazy?!" he shouted, panic flooding his voice. "Are you okay? Why would you do that?!"
I held onto him.
Tightly.
"See?" I whispered.
My voice was soft but steady.
"You caught me."
His grip on me tightened.
Still shaken.
Still scared.
"You won't hurt me, Kiefer," I said, looking straight into his eyes. "Because even when you're scared of yourself… You still protect me."
My fingers curled into his shirt.
"You don't even think about yourself when it comes to me."
A breath.
"I'm your wife."
My voice softened.
"I'm yours."
A small pause.
"Where would I even go?"
My gaze didn't leave his.
"Did I ever ask you to protect me from yourself?"
I shook my head slightly.
"I don't want a love where you stand in front of me… or push me away to keep me safe."
My hand slowly found his.
Holding it.
"I want you beside me."
My voice steadied.
"Walking with me."
"Fighting with me."
"Facing everything with me."
A breath.
"If loving you is a sin… then I'll be the biggest sinner in the world."
My grip tightened slightly.
"Because I would rather live in a world where I get hurt with you…"
My voice dropped—
quiet, but unshakable.
"…than live in one where you're not there at all." For a second—
Everything was silent.
Kiefer (POV)
I couldn't breathe.
Her words didn't just reach me—
They hit.
Hard.
Straight through everything I had been holding together.
My grip on her tightened instinctively, like I was afraid she'd slip away if I loosened it even a little.
"…Why would you do that?" I asked again, but my voice didn't sound like mine anymore.
It was shaking.
Unsteady.
Breaking.
"You could've gotten hurt…"
But even as I said it—
I knew.
She had already been hurt.
By me.
My chest tightened painfully as I looked at her.
Really looked.
The way she was holding onto me.
The way she wasn't pulling away anymore.
In the way she was still choosing me—
after everything.
"Don't…" I whispered suddenly.
My hand came up, gripping her wrist lightly.
"Don't say things like that."
My voice cracked.
"Don't say you'd rather get hurt with me… don't say you'd choose me like this…"
A sharp breath left me uneven.
"You don't understand what you're choosing, Jay…"
My forehead dropped against hers.
And that was it.
That was all it took.
Everything broke.
"I did hurt you," I said, my voice rough now, breaking apart with every word. "I lost control… I pushed you… I made you cry…"
My grip trembled.
"And you're still standing here telling me I won't hurt you?"
A broken laugh escaped me—hollow, painful.
"What kind of man does that make me?"
My hands slid to her shoulders, not pushing her away—
just holding on like I didn't know what else to do.
"I'm scared of myself around you," I admitted, my voice dropping lower. "Scared of how much I feel… how much I need you…"
My throat tightened.
"Because when it comes to you… I don't think straight."
A pause.
My eyes burned.
"And if I lose control again—"
My voice snapped.
"I don't know what I might do."
Silence crashed between us.
Heavy.
Suffocating.
"I left you because of that," I continued, quieter now. "Because I thought distance would protect you… from me… from everything around me…"
My fingers curled tighter against her.
"But it didn't."
A breath.
"It just hurt you more."
My vision blurred.
I didn't even try to stop it anymore.
"I don't deserve you choosing me like this," I whispered, my voice barely holding together. "I don't deserve you trusting me when I've already broken that trust once…"
My head dropped, my forehead pressing into her shoulder now.
And then—
I broke completely.
"I can't lose you, Jay…" I choked out, my voice cracking openly now. "I can't go through that again… I can't breathe without you…"
My arms wrapped around her tighter, pulling her into me like I was trying to hold onto something slipping away.
"So don't say things like that," I whispered desperately. "Don't say you'd stay even if it hurts… Don't say you'd choose me no matter what…"
A broken breath.
"Because I don't want to be the reason you break."
Silence.
Only the sound of my breathing—
uneven.
Shattered.
"I love you," I said finally.
Not strong.
Not steady.
Just… real.
"And that's exactly why I'm terrified."
"You really talk too much," she murmured.
Before I could react, she grabbed my collar and pulled me down into a kiss.
It wasn't soft.
It wasn't careful.
It was desperate.
Like she was trying to shut every fear inside me.
My hands moved instinctively, pulling her closer as she shifted onto my lap, her arms wrapping around my neck.
I kissed her back just as fiercely—
holding her like I might lose her if I didn't.
And when she finally pulled away, breathless, her forehead resting lightly against mine—
She spoke.
"Kiefer… you don't need to pretend."
Her voice was softer now.
Honest.
"You don't have to hide your anger… your jealousy… your fears."
A small pause.
"Did you forget how we met?"
Her fingers brushed lightly against my collar.
"I saw the worst of you… and the best of you… And I still chose you."
My chest tightened.
"I love every version of you," she continued. "Not just the calm one… not just the careful one."
A faint smile touched her lips.
"I miss the messy you… the one who doesn't hold back… the one who feels everything and doesn't try to hide it."
Her eyes locked with mine.
"That's the version I fell in love with."
Silence settled between us.
Heavy.
Real.
"Jay…" I exhaled, my voice rough. "How can you love me when I'm scared I might break you?"
She didn't hesitate.
She just smiled.
Soft.
Certain.
"That's a silly question," she said, leaning forward and pressing a light kiss to my nose.
My breath caught.
"I already chose you," she added quietly. "Maybe I'm just like you after all…"
A teasing glint in her eyes.
"Mrs. Watson, remember?"
A small pause.
"Maybe I can ruin you, too."
Her smile softened.
"We're just stupidly in love."
Something in my chest broke all over again.
"I can't promise I won't hurt you," I admitted, my voice low. "Or that I won't make mistakes… this is my first time loving someone like this."
I swallowed.
"We're not perfect. We'll fight… we'll mess things up…"
My hand tightened around hers.
"But I can promise you one thing."
My voice steadied.
"I won't leave you."
A breath.
"I won't give up on us."
Her fingers curled into mine.
"So even if you push me away… even if things get hard…"
I shook my head slightly.
"I'm staying."
A pause.
"…Just don't abandon me."
She looked at me for a long second.
Then nodded.
"Hm… okay," she said softly.
"As long as we don't give up on each other…"
Her grip tightened slightly.
"I'm okay."
A small pause.
"Just don't push me away again."
A small silence followed.
Then—
"Now give me my thirty-five," I said.
She blinked, pulling back slightly.
"…What?"
"Thirty-five," I repeated casually.
Her brows furrowed. "What are you even talking about?"
I shrugged. "Profanity. I've been counting since yesterday."
A beat.
"If I kiss you, you get mad… so I kept count. I'll collect them later."
For a second—
She just stared at me.
Then—
She shoved me hard.
"You asshole!"
I smirked slightly, lifting a finger.
"Thirty-six."
Her eyes widened in disbelief.
"You were counting that too?!" she snapped. "When I was angry? When I was hurt?!"
I didn't answer.
Didn't deny it either.
"I hate you, Kiefer," she muttered, grabbing a pillow and slamming it between us.
Then another.
And another.
A full barrier.
She pointed at it like a warning line.
"If you cross this," she said sharply, glaring at me—
"I will kill you."
I looked at the wall of pillows.
Then at her.
Then back at the pillows.
"…You really think this can stop me? " I murmured.
"What was that?" she narrowed her eyes.
"Nothing," I said quickly.
She huffed and turned away, pulling the blanket over herself like that settled everything.
For a while—
Neither of us moved.
The room fell quiet again.
But this time…
It wasn't heavy.
Just… calm.
A few minutes passed.
Maybe more.
Then slowly—
carefully—
I moved.
One pillow.
Then another.
And another.
Until the "barrier" was gone.
She didn't react.
Didn't turn.
Didn't say anything.
So I slipped closer.
Close enough to feel her warmth again.
My arm wrapped gently around her from behind, pulling her into me.
She stiffened for half a second—
Then didn't pull away.
I buried my face lightly against her neck and pressed a soft kiss there.
"Love you, my wife…" I whispered, my voice low, quieter than before.
A small pause.
"…Now I can finally sleep peacefully."
She didn't answer.
But her fingers slowly curled around my hand—
holding it where it rested against her.
And that was enough.