Chapter 64: Catch the Hemorrhoids [2] "So, if I lie face down like this, that will do?"
Ryu Seong-ryong, his face far more tense than usual, spoke.
Inside the room were Kanghyeok, Dolseok, Yeoju, and Yeoni.
Put simply, everyone had come in except Makbong.
"No. A little higher up."
"Like this?"
"Yes."
"Do I really have to keep my buttocks raised like this?"
If one had to describe Seong-ryong's posture in a single word, humiliating suited it best.
According to Yeoju's description, it was as follows:
"While lying face down, he spread his legs as far apart as possible to either side. His knees were bent, and his buttocks were raised toward the ceiling. In preparation for losing consciousness, he was firmly secured with iron instruments."
As a scholar-official born into the gentry, he had probably never dreamed that he would one day be forced into such a disgraceful posture.
"Yes, that's right."
"Hah... honestly."
A deep sigh full of bitter regret escaped from Ryu Seong-ryong.
"If I do this, you're certain I'll be completely cured, right?"
If Kanghyeok had said no, he looked ready to kill him on the spot.
Though that would not have been easy, considering his whole body was restrained.
"Yes. If you just do exactly as I told you, it won't recur either."
"That is good to hear, at least."
Seeing him nod even in this posture, it really did seem to be unbearably painful.
Well, from what hyungnim Sun-sin said...
There had even been times when he was unable to carry out the king's command.
He had been assigned an inspection tour of the provinces, but he had taken to his bed.
It was also said that King Seonjo had laughed heartily after hearing why he could not comply, though Kanghyeok had no way of knowing whether that was true.
"Well then, first, the trousers..."
"Hah."
Now even the trousers had to come down.
At that point, Seong-ryong would rather simply fall asleep.
As it happened, there was also that useful method Kanghyeok had told him about before.
"That medicine you mentioned before. May I take it now?"
"Ah. You would like to?"
"Yes, that would be best."
"Understood."
Kanghyeok handed over the medicine he had prepared in advance.
Just to be safe, he had continued experimenting with it several more times afterward.
Over the past few days, the five bandit brothers had been forced to fall asleep and wake up several times even in broad daylight.
Thanks to that, he had found a dosage that was both very safe and definitely effective.
Well, I can't say those fellows contributed nothing.
Kanghyeok nodded as he watched Seong-ryong gulp the medicine down.
"Phew. They say good medicine is bitter, but this isn't all that harsh."
"I'm glad it suits your taste."
"Yes. So what should I do now?"
"You just need to stay still. You'll fall asleep shortly."
"Is that so? I'm not feeling lightheaded yet... zzng..."
As expected of a medicine refined through repeated clinical trials.
After Kanghyeok counted exactly seven seconds, Seong-ryong's head drooped forward.
At this point, the effect was almost on par with putting someone under in an operating room.
And it doesn't even suppress breathing.
Of course, it would not make him completely immune to pain, but that was something local anesthesia could overcome.
"All right, now let's take them off."
"Yes, young master."
With a face full of reverence, Dolseok pulled Seong-ryong's trousers down.
How often would a servant like Dolseok ever get to pull down a Panseo's trousers?
It was only natural that his hands would be careful.
"Hey, pull them down properly."
"Yes? Even so, this is..."
"What matters more, the treatment or manners?"
It was not the sort of thing a yangban ought to say, but everyone, including Dolseok, simply accepted it.
Because Kanghyeok was that kind of person.
"Yes. Understood."
With a sharp swish, Seong-ryong's trousers came off.
At a glance, his anus was in terrible condition.
The Anseong Hyeongam was not even worth comparing.
Wow... How has he been living like this?
Now that he had actually exposed it, this was not at a level where hemorrhoids could be taken lightly.
It would not have sounded exaggerated even if someone said he might die from this.
And that was after several days of sitz baths.
Even Dolseok and Yeoni, who knew nothing, gaped open-mouthed.
"Is this really a buttocks?"
"That's right. The parts sticking out like this are called hemorrhoidal masses."
"Hemorrhoidal masses?"
"Yes. They're structures that should originally be inside the anus, but pressure has forced them outward."
Kanghyeok was grateful he had not sent Yeoni out just in case.
This was not the kind of surgery two people could manage alone.
There are both internal and external hemorrhoids, and the severity is the worst possible.
Only if all three of them worked themselves to the bone would they barely manage to deal with it.
No, if the person here now had been some ordinary doctor rather than Kanghyeok, he would have had to wake the patient back up.
That was how bad the condition was.
"All of you, stay sharp. This is really not a joke."
"Yes, yes, young master."
At least among everything Kanghyeok had shown since coming to Joseon, this was the most tense he had ever looked.
Because of that, Dolseok and Yeoni also swallowed hard.
First, inject the local anesthetic all around...
He had to proceed in the way that would cause the least bleeding possible.
There was no real way to give a transfusion, and Seong-ryong was already an anemic patient.
"All right, hand me the syringe."
"Yes."
After roughly running the simulation through in his mind, Kanghyeok began inserting the needle.
To Dolseok, it looked like he stabbed him dozens of times.
It was completely different from how he had simply given the Anseong Hyeongam one shot and cut right in.
"Young master."
"What."
"You seem to be taking special care with this gentleman."
"I always pay attention when I treat someone."
Anyone speaking or listening could tell that was a complete lie.
"You've forgotten the Anseong Hyeongam?"
"Ah, him. Haha."
Kanghyeok let out an awkward laugh, apparently embarrassed.
"With this gentleman, you made the medicine separately, and you're giving this many injections too..."
"He's a man worth that much effort. Wipe the blood."
"Yes, yes."
What would Dolseok know?
At this very moment, Kanghyeok was treating one of the great statesmen who would be remembered throughout Joseon history.
Even if he used every method available, it still did not feel like enough.
If he could have, he would have wanted to take a healthy anus from somewhere and attach it in place.
"Yeoni, apply the disinfectant again."
"Yes."
In any case, they were about to operate on the dirtiest part of the entire body.
Even if they just wiped it roughly and went ahead, it would not have made much difference.
Especially not with an anus in this condition.
But Kanghyeok did not want to be careless.
—Swipe, swipe.
With fairly practiced hands, Yeoni wiped the anus clean.
The brown Betadine solution only made it look dirtier.
"It feels strange applying this to an anus."
"Don't say things like that. Do you know who this gentleman is?"
"Yes, yes."
At Kanghyeok's low scolding, Dolseok immediately bowed his head.
"All right, now spread it."
"Yes..."
Up to this point, Dolseok and Yeoni had at least practiced.
The practice subject had been Dorikkae, and thanks to that, he was currently passing bloody stool.
Kanghyeok's view was that if they had gone to the trouble of capturing a bandit gang, they ought to squeeze every bit of value out of them.
No one there dared oppose him.
So what choice was there?
They had no choice but to offer up their buttocks.
"The practice paid off."
As expected, seeing was better than merely hearing, and doing it was better than merely seeing.
The degree to which Yeoni and Dolseok spread it apart was just right.
If they spread it any farther, it could tear. If they spread it less, nothing inside would be visible.
"Thank you, young master."
Yeoni bowed her head.
To be honest, while they had been practicing, she had wondered what in the world they were doing.
Practicing how to spread an anus apart left and right with an iron rod.
Even if the purpose was treatment.
It was not just unfamiliar, but a technique she had never even heard of.
But now that she had become skilled at it, it truly was a necessary practice.
"Good. Just hold it exactly like that."
"Yes, young master."
Kanghyeok examined the inside of the anus, spread open to a width of about three centimeters.
Enormous hemorrhoidal masses were clustered closely together.
It was only because he had deliberately expressed it with a cute phrase. In reality, it was a truly horrifying sight.
So I have to cut these out and suture them.
Hemorrhoids were an illness almost as old as human history itself.
Naturally, treatment methods suited to them had also been developed without cease.
That meant instruments already existed that could force their way into this narrow, dark gap.
But his house-call bag did not contain those kinds of instruments.
He would have to solve it using nothing but a scalpel and suturing tools.
The felt difficulty was nearly on par with opening a skull.
"Hoo."
Kanghyeok let out a low breath in front of Seong-ryong's anus.
The one saving grace was that the drug was working extremely well.
Yeoju had been checking from time to time whether he was still breathing properly, and since everything had been fine until now, it would surely remain fine.
"All right, I'm starting now. There'll be a lot of bleeding. Don't panic. Just do as we practiced."
"Yes, young master."
Following Kanghyeok's serious tone, Yeoni and Dolseok answered in equally grave voices.
"I'm going to cut now. You know the order, right?"
"Of course."
Since they had been practicing anyway, he had even operated on Dorikkae and the club-wielding men.
It had been possible because among Joseon people, it was rare to find anyone who did not have at least mild hemorrhoids.
Thanks to that, the three of them had become an excellent team when it came to hemorrhoid surgery.
—Slice.
Kanghyeok's scalpel split into the massively swollen internal hemorrhoidal mass.
Dark red blood gushed out along with the clotted blood that had been hardened inside.
"Yeon!"
"Yes."
Yeoni let go of the Army retractor she had been holding and inserted the forceps gripping gauze into the wound.
At the same time, Dolseok took hold of the Army.
Because of that, they could maintain the field of view and also press on the bleeding site.
Everything clicked together perfectly.
"Good. You're doing very well. Now remove it."
"Yes."
The blood from hemorrhoids was, for the most part, pooled blood.
So hemostasis was not all that difficult.
As long as they pressed it in time, just like now.
Kanghyeok quickly moved to suture during the moment when the bleeding visibly lessened.
There are still blood clots trapped in here.
He also did not forget to press out the ones that could not escape, using the suturing instrument.
To suture through a gap of barely three centimeters really was an incredible skill.
I wish the department head could see this.
Then maybe he would immediately give him at least an associate professor position.
Even if not a leadership post like department chair.
Though he was thinking such nonsense, his suturing proceeded with ghostlike precision.
"Good. This side is done."
He had only managed to get over a single mountain.
Kanghyeok cut into the hemorrhoidal mass remaining beside it.
"Dol!"
"Yes!"
This time Dolseok let go of the Army he had been holding and moved to hemostasis.
At the same time, Yeoni took the Army and maintained the view.
"Whew. Seriously, if it weren't for you two, I couldn't even dream of doing this."
"Hehe. I'm happy to be of help."
Dolseok really did seem pleased, grinning with his face right near the anus.
He was wearing a mask, but it was still not exactly a pleasant sight.
"There's still a long way to go, so don't let your guard down."
"Yes."
"Yeoju, daegam is still alive, right?"
"Yes. He's sleeping well."
"Good... If he twitches at all, tell me immediately."
"Yes."
This was not just any place. They had his anus spread wide open.
If he woke up, it could turn into a major disaster.
For example, he might spray something.
Ugh. Gwanggyosan was enough of that.
No matter how much he respected Ryu Seong-ryong, that did not mean he wanted to be hit by his excrement too.
I need to hurry.
Not just because of that. There was nothing good about dragging surgery out too long.
Kanghyeok's hands began moving faster and faster, and Yeoni and Dolseok's assistance grew busier too.
"Yeon!"
"Yes!"
"Dol!"
"Yes!"
The more their chorus repeated, the fewer ugly hemorrhoidal masses remained packed inside.
Now there were only one or two external hemorrhoids protruding outside.
Even now it was still a serious state, but compared to the beginning...
No, it had improved beyond comparison.
After tidying even those up, Kanghyeok spoke.
"Good. It's almost all done now."
"So it really can be done."
Dolseok said that with a face full of deep emotion.
Yeoni also seemed unable to contain the sense of accomplishment swelling inside her.
Even her ears had turned red.
"It feels like a dream."
"Exactly. Now it's a human buttocks again."
It was, truly, an outrageously irreverent conversation, but Kanghyeok did not bother correcting them.
Anyone who had endured this surgery had earned the right to have a conversation like this.
"But how do we wake him?"
At Dolseok's words, Yeoni started rolling up her sleeves.
She probably intended to strike some spot that would hurt without causing injury.
Kanghyeok waved his hands and hurriedly stopped her.
"Hey, hey, we just have to wait until he wakes up."
"Leave him like this?"
"Ah... no. Cover him with something first."
"Yes, young master."
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