"We sometimes think we want to disappear, but all we want is to be found"
-Anonymous
February 14th, 20XX. University of Tampa. Florida, USA
If I could wish that today could end, I would do it without question. But considering how it is not doing that, I can't help but wait patiently. I looked down at my astrology study textbook and glanced at a picture of Pluto and other exoplanets in comparison, boredom eating at me. Today was relatively OK in my standards, dropping my baby sister off at her usual day-care, opening up the cafe/bookstore shop that's two streets down from my university for its business hours to start, and starting today with my usual studies, mainly astrology and an understudy of finance I took up for extra cash. But today is no ordinary day, that I've quickly learned.
"Why does everybody have to make a single day like today a holiday?" I asked myself, rubbing my left temple to ease the annoying headache from numerous squeals and outbursts throughout the day which didn't help with the increasing headache, not that I can blame the sensitive ears I got. Everybody has either tried to get a date, get a partner, plan a great day out, or been rejected. No one realises that the real world sucks ass, but who can blame them? As long as it's none of my business, I can go on my day without trouble-
"Shirley, there you are gal! What's been happening?" A dark skinned young woman with colourful beads in her very curly black hair spoke with a chipper tone, as a familiar individual sat in her seat with two of her other friends.
Shirley Thomas. I don't know her personally as I just do my studies here, but she just acts like a total ass from what I could see. I honestly don't get people, well, people like her anyway; and definitely can't get her and her group. One time she threw a food fight in the cafeteria just because she could, from what I've heard at least. And not get suspended or anything. Obviously, with her overblown strawberry blonde hair, ridiculously big curves and her ignorant attitude (okay, maybe that's a big of a exaggeration there but did hear from rumours floating about that she got implants, but hey, not my life there), it's no wonder the male teachers seem to be soft on her and her friends.
"But that's none of my business to care about anyway," I thought, as I scribbled down more notes for the monthly test coming up. As the teacher continued with her job, I was busy within my world. I glanced at a nearby lake and saw two cranes trying to help a male peacock cross a wooden bridge from what I could see, a small smile resting on my lips. I look back into the room I was in, as everyone was trying to trash the place, probably one of Shirley's ideas again, I went back to writing notes and looking at my textbook. As the very familiar bell called the end of today's classes, I grabbed my things as the teacher told some of the class that was responsible for it to detention from the classroom trashout.
"Can't wait to get to work," I told myself, as I grabbed my bag and headed to the bike shed where the students' bikes are kept. I found my bike, a beautiful light blue sports bike, as I unlocked the chain and walked alongside it towards the exit of the university premises. I was content with my day, with the warm weather brushing past me with a smooth cool breeze, the palm trees swaying in the sunshine, along with the intoxicating smell of the nearby churro and doughnut shop next door that was until an orange collided with my green helmet, staining my golden blonde hair with a sticky liquid that is going to be difficult to remove for a while. I look back to see Shirley and her friends glaring at me with a sharp distaste, but I couldn't care more or less, besides; I've got more important things to worry over than some woman's distaste on me. I got on my bike and made my way towards my workplace. Winding through small businesses and beautiful parks, it was a wonder to see every day here in Tampa.
Soon after making a sharp right turn where the shoreline meets the busy suburban streets stood Gourmet Seaside Bookstore, a recently opened cafe that has been going for roughly 8 years that is attached to an old bookstore that was there in the 1900s. It's flashy green and yellow modern exterior somewhat matched with the renovated green and white wooden bookstore.
After locking up my bike, I went inside the bookstore to check up on what's happening there, tossing on a green and black apron; its big white and green bee logo flashed across the front of it. It sort of looked ridiculous with my yellow frilly blouse and denim ripped skinny jeans, but I didn't care; as long as I was at work here. I walked into the store and saw Janiya, her wide smile warming up the atmosphere.
Janiya was a recent addition to the team, having emigrated from Yemen a few months prior She was incredibly shy at first on the first day, but soon had everyone in stitches every time she clocked in. Her natural Arabic beauty often gets noticed a lot, but her personality is a win. She hasn't spoken of why she emigrated, but I don't probe into it. She also told me at one point at work one day that she had came out as a lesbian to her family one time, hence why she had moved from Yemen.
"Janiya! I was hoping to see you!" I grinned, as I gave her a swift hug, with Janiya smiling wider.
"Phoebe! Thank the lord you're here! There was this rude man who kept on asking me out, but thankfully his girlfriend noticed!" Janiya started, as I grabbed a pile of books to place in their respective places.
"And you should've seen the look she had! She was spitting fire once they got out of here!" She added, motioning with her slender hands. We laughed, setting books down on the counter for delivery.
"Anything else I need to know?" I asked, as she looked around, almost to check if no one was around.
"I heard that your friend Mike has been planning on asking someone out," She whispered, as my heart hammered on the sentence, My cheeks started to flush with heat and colour, and I saw her grin with knowledge.
Mike and I are childhood friends from kindergarten, and we were like two peas in a pod. I met him there on a play date one day as a toddler, and we stayed that way ever since. With his charming looks and addictive personality, it was a no-brainer why someone like me had developed a crush on him. But I had been too chicken to ask the question for how many years now before I knew, but now I am certain that I can ask him today if I could. But then again, I still like him as a friend either way, crush on him or not.
"And? How's Renata? Anything from her?" I asked in return, as Janiya started to blush.
"...hadn't got there yet..."
"Why not?"
"It's not the right time yet, Phoebe~. Renata and I are just friends." She replied with a certainty, that sounded genuine. She's always straight with me, which I appreciate a lot, even if she's fairly new here at work.
"OK, that's good. Anyway, I'd better check in with the cafe and help out if there's anything. I'll see you later!" I spoke, as I walked over to the cafe side.
Yes, the cafe and bookstore are separate, which works out for anyone. The cafe is far more modern than the decent Victorian theme of the bookstore, and it felt so much bigger than the store. Seeing Mike by the slick serving counter almost asleep, almost couldn't handle the butterflies in my gut. I approached him like any normal friend, and I saw that his face was caked with whipped cream somehow. I tried not to break out in laughter, but eventually did, He started to wake up from his nap, and he was giving me a questionable look.
"Phoebe? What are you laughing at?" Mike asked, his thick dark brown eyebrow raised in a questioning stance.
"Your face, it's uh...kinda covered in cream." I tried to respond while laughing, as I saw him looking at a nearby mirror by the counter and started to wipe some off my face.
"Mike! You damn jerk!" I squealed, trying to get back at him, but our manager Miss Marais was standing there with a scowl on her stoic features.
Miss Vanessa Marais was one person to never mess around, stranger, co-worker or friend alike. She would be a relatively nice boss one minute, a hellcat the next. She said herself that before she moved here 20 years ago, South Africa was a place where no one just can't screw around or else. She can be scary sometimes, but she's also a very capable boss here, which I respect.
"Sorry Miss Marais, we were just goofing around. It won't happen again in the future." I quickly spoke, nervous about her being there. She kept glaring at me for a moment, until she sighed tiredly.
"Thank you, Phoebe. I know that you're a good hard-working woman," She started placing the work phone on its stand.
"Just got off the phone with the financial department out in HQ. They said that they might need to cut the worker load in half potentially." She added, as surprise filled my chest.
"Why is that the case, Miss?"
"They said that there are too many workers in the one business area. They were thinking of expanding to a new location, but: we just don't have the funding for it nor the resources to keep everyone's wages fair."
"Are there ways we can increase funding?"
"Even with all our specials and prices, it takes a lot more than making a profit on the real stuff."
"So you're saying..?"
"Either to cut some off...or close the business."
That shook us. I hoped we were doing fine with everything, but this...was too much. After 4 years working here, it feels like a second home, even with all my financial planning. But considering Miss Marais, she always comes up with something, even for some small like a slight disagreement between people.
"Anyway, I'll let you know when we can come up with a game plan or if there's any updates." She spoke, as she went back into her office behind the cafe. We sighed in relief, but now knowing that this business could close, we were still on edge.
"So, how was today? Besides what our boss said," Mike asked, his usual charm returning
"Pretty good. You?" I asked in return, looking at his lively blue eyes.
"That's great to hear. Anyway, I saved you something after you finish. Your favourite." He grins, his pearly whites beaming in the warm afternoon sun. It shone with brilliancy and would have made me jealous if I hadn't learned his technique to clean pearly teeth. And I knew what he was talking about too...buttercream blueberry pancakes, my absolute favourite thing in the world.
"Thank you, Mike. I appreciate it," I replied, knowing what he meant by it. He always tries to impress me any chance he gets, and we both know that it doesn't have to take much to please each other in our little friendship that had been going for years. I went to the doughnut counter and started to shake up flavours as customers started to roll in for the afternoon rush. As I was doing my job, I saw that he was fiddling with something in his pocket, and I got more excited by the possibility though confused as well as I hadn't really seen him fidget his pocket before. Soon, people started their orders for the afternoon, and me as well as Mike was serving while I was still thinking about what Mike was fiddling with, but I focused back on work. It can wait as far as I know.
Then after the rush there, I saw Mike pulling out a small navy box while his hand was shaking, although he looked confident enough to do whatever he was planning on. I don't know why he had a box that was the size of his palm, but whatever it was, it seemed to be important to him.
"Um, Phoebe? Do you have a minute?" Mike asked, a slight tremor of nervousness that was obvious to me. I was confused. Why is he nervous now? I had known for a long time, and he seldomly gets nervous around me like this.
"Um, sure, Mike. Why, what's up?" I asked in return, my confusion morphing on my face. He slowly lifts the box, as he uses his unoccupied hand to reach for the lid...
"I'll take that, thanks," An obnoxious voice pierced the malleable still air, as I turned to see Shirley! Why was she here? And why did she take that box? What on earth...?
"Shirley, give that back!" Mike growled, trying to reach for it desperately while leaning over the counter, as she was playfully reaching it out of his grasp.
"Sorry boo, but you can't. I think I should deserve it more anyway, more than that aspie girl," She responded with that stupid kid voice. I don't understand, what is going on?
"Give it back, bitch!"
"No way, Mikey. I had a really bad day at college, and I love how you just seem to make it better," She responded, blowing a fake kiss, making Mike more angry. Everyone in the building started to, notice the commotion, as some familiar faces from the past customers or from my classes as well as work started to look concerned.
"What's this? Were you planning on asking HER out?" she adds as I just stood there, my mind going blank. What? Mike wanted to ask me out? Seriously? What was she talking about?
"Oh? She didn't get the memo? Well too bad for her, 'cause now it's mine and I get to use it however I want it," She slurred, as she took out a lovely Dior Granville ring with gold plating and embedded pink diamonds, as she wore it on her ring finger. As she twirled around in her silly world with her friends, I stood there in silence, my mind incapable of thinking at this moment from the sheer amount of stuff happening, my feet planted to the floor. What the hell did she mean by all that? Why is Mike getting emotional over a ring? Just what does any of this mean?
"You ungrateful bitch! Give it back! It's Phoebe's ring!"
"Not anymore, and she pisses me off just by her stupid face," Shirley spoke with a distasteful snarl, as she throws a stale Pina Colada Milkshake at me. Everyone stopped, as I felt the sticky, milky liquid slide on my face, as a wave of overwhelming emotion finally made me snap. I grabbed my shirt with clenched fists as I lowered my head and started to cry silently, not wanting anyone to see me like this. This is too much. I want to go home. I want to pick up my baby sister from daycare. I just want to be anywhere but here.
"You fucking bitch!" I heard someone screech, as I glimpsed to see Renata (an Southern gal who literally takes no shit from anybody unless it's for people she cares about, with fawn coloured pigtails, freckles for days, and one mean look from her bright green eyes) tackling her to the ground and started to pelt her face, Janiya and Mike making way to stop her from harming her further while Renata was spitting out words at Shirley as Janiya and Mike were dragging her away from the commotion, customers throwing their food and drinks at Shirley and calling her all sorts of weird but derogatory words and names, getting into the action. Soon enough, Miss Marais stormed out of her office, the meanest scowl I've ever seen on her face. I had never seen her this angry before this, and it personally scared me, especially now.
"What in God's name is happening here?!" She shouts, making everyone stop. I stood where I was, afraid of what she could do now. She glances at Mike, Renata and Janiya, then at the current customers. Then she looked at me and Shirley, and I saw her grit her teeth. Uh oh. This does not look good.
"Who started this?"
"It was her, Miss Manager. She was getting hysterical over my ring and she was jealous of my relationship with one of your workers, ma'am." Shirley spoke, with a crybaby face on.
"That's bullshit, Miss Marais. We are not in a relationship, and she stole the ring!" Mike barked in retaliation.
"He's right! We saw the whole thing happen!" One of the customers shouted, as the rest cheered for whatever justice this is calling for. She quiets them with a glare, as she glances towards me, standing there in a straight posture like a general with an imposing stare.
"Anything else I need to know?"
"She threw a milkshake at her, boss! And she is a total bitch!"
"I don't need to hear language like that in my store, thank you very much."
"But boss-"
"That's enough, Renata." Miss Marais spoke, Renata quickly shutting up. She walks up to me and Shirley, as she glances at the ring and us.
"Was this your ring, ma'am?" She asks, pointing at the ring. Shirley nods, as my boss looks at me.
"Is anything that she said true?" she adds. I look around the room, as I see my friends and Renata glaring at Shirley, the customers who were more than hell-bent, then at my boss with an expectant look. What can I do? I can't get Mike or Renata into trouble just because of some weird stuff and a ring on top of it, or let loose hell in here if I did. So what is there for me? Nothing for me to gain from explaining things. Might as well say something to get this over and done with then I can go home and get my sister home, and relax. What can go wrong?
"I have nothing to say." I responded in a low voice, as I saw them giving me various looks of disbelief.
"OK then." Miss Marais started, as she looked towards Shirley.
"And l'll be confiscating that, thanks." She adds, grabbing the ring off her as Shirley looks at her with a childish scowl.
"Everyone, business is done here, get the fuck out of here," She continued, as every customer left the premises. She closes the doors, as she looks at us with her infamous scowl.
"Renata, what the fuck was that? Do you have any idea what you just did?"
"But-"
"No buts. We're facing possible redundancy and you go ahead and assault a guest on the premises? What were you thinking?!"
"But she was a bitch!"
"I know that, but that doesn't mean you have the right to just smack someone and get away with it." She spoke, shoving a finger to her chest. She was pissed, that was clear to me, but she was also trying not to let it affect her professional duties, that I'm aware of.
"And Mike, why didn't you just call me over here? You know that your personal life is never mixed into business, so what were you doing?"
"I am telling you the truth, I do not have a relationship with her. I had never seen her until now."
"Sounds like bullshit to me. How do you know her?"
"She's the queen bee over at Phoebe's university that I've heard, and we sometimes chat about catering for events. That is all."
"Are you positive, Mike?"
"Yes, ma'am," Mike responded, a solemn look on his features. We stood silent for a moment, allowing everything to sink in.
"I'm having you two, Mike and Renata, on professional leave for two weeks until you're fit to work again."
"But-"
"You just can't-"
"That's an order. The rest can leave." She responded, as I quickly went to my locker, more fat tears threatening to spill and stain my milkshake-covered face. I soon paced towards my bike after getting my work apron off until Mike stopped me.
"What is it, Mike?" I spoke, my emotions croaking through.
"I'm sorry about that earlier. I didn't mean to-"
"Mike, it's just a ring. I know you didn't mean it."
"But that ring is for you, not her."
"..."
"Please, Phoebe. Can you forgive my actions from what happened today?" Mike pleaded, slightly massaging my shoulder. I turned, and hugged him, even when I was still covered in milkshake.
"Thanks, Mike. You already know that I forgive you anyway for that," I responded, as he hugged back, a tight embrace that was uncommon for me at this point.
"Thanks, Phoebe. You're the best,"
"Of course, Mike. See you tomorrow," I replied, hugging extra tight and letting go. I got on my bike, waved goodbye to Mike and made my way towards the day-care.
The late afternoon sun was slowly losing its last remnants of its domain until I could see the faint outlining glow of the moon. It's a moon eclipse tonight, and it's a full moon too from the looks of it. I look towards the road and see that it is a lot quieter, with barely any cars or motorbikes to see. I soon saw the big round rainbow logo of her day-care and I pulled up at the front. I then see my baby sister Elsa at the door and she just ran up to me, smiling as wide as a Cheshire cat.
Elsa may be 10 years old, but by god, she's a little trooper. She was almost gone from us when she was born premature, but she still went on and soon enough, she was discharged from the hospital after 3 intense weeks. Her little chubby hands were holding a portfolio too big for her size, but she still managed to hand it over to me with her wide grin.
"Big sis! Guess what I've done today!" She smiled, showing off some of her pictures of trees, suns and rainbows. I smiled, happy that she had a good day in day care.
"They're really good, Elsa. Here, your helmet," I spoke with a warm smile, passing her Disney sticker-littered bike helmet as I helped her onto the seat behind me.
Soon, I was back to riding towards home, Elsa talking about her day while I focused on the road, until I heard a phone notification pulling away from the road and opening my phone (an Apple brand phone) to see a message from Vanessa:
"Come over to my place. I got dinner and a surprise for you."
I was surprised as I didn't expect my boss to have a surprise for me. But then again, she did help me with raising Elsa for a while now, even sending dinners to us. I rode towards her residence, my thoughts raking up on what she cooked this time and what sort of surprise awaited me there. It was a winding ride with turns, the environment changing to what could be called the 'Everglades' of Florida. And her house looked stunning.
Her house was designed like one of those pioneer homes when colonisers first stepped foot on America, with a white and green coat of paint along with a wooden patio. The house was surrounded by swamp land and it looked like a peaceful spot in heaven.
I leaned my bike against the fence of her property, as Elsa ran to the front door and knocked, while I quietly caught up to the energetic girl. I smiled, happy to see that she was happy. She deserves it, since everything back home was...let's say it's unpleasant.
Soon, Vanessa opened the door, and saw us at her doorstep, a wide motherly grin on her wise face.
"Elsa! How was day-care?" She asked gently, allowing her inside as she squealed with joy. I stood in front of my boss in a relaxed manner, leaning against the post supporting the patio.
"She had a good day, Ma'am," I said, a small smile on my lips. She chuckles, happy to hear it.
"And...sorry about what happened in the workplace earlier. I didn't know what was going on there," I spoke with slight nervousness, crossing my arms over to have a bit of heat since it was cold tonight, with the chill breeze of winter that barely gripped on.
"Ah, I see. Mike just seemed a bit more...emotionally led on than he usually was. Hence why," She spoke, going into one of her pockets to pull out...the ring from earlier. Huh?
"I imagine he will want you to have it."
"Vanessa, this is..." I started, feeling overwhelmed by her kindness of the gesture. "I thank you, really."
"Ah, don't sweat it, dear. Besides, you've worked hard enough as it is," Vanessa spoke with a casual yet loving smile. "You deserve a bit of love too, you know."
"I...well, I'll let you know of anything." I smiled, putting the ring in my pocket and grabbing the homemade dinner from her hands.
"Thank you again, Vanessa!" I spoke, getting Elsa back on the bike as I rode off, waving goodbye to her.
{...}
"I'm home," I said, opening the door to the three-bedroom apartment that is our residence and saw that Mum was passed out drunk on the living room couch. Elsa walked to her room in silence, not letting her presence be known.
Mum was beautiful, before the event when I was 7 years of age, and now, she had unkempt auburn hair that was dyed, was slightly overweight and had makeup smears on her face. She loudly snored while I went to the kitchen to put our dinner in the microwave, keeping an eye out for any trouble. While I waited, I looked at my college textbooks again, re-reading everything and writing notes. I got into college so that I can support my little sister and hopefully find a stable income for the two of us. Mum wouldn't even try to look for a job, even for her daughters who need her. But, I guess that's the way life rolls. Even though I'm only 23 years old, sometimes I wonder if my bones ache with all the emotional strain from growing up with the reality I have, or if some great weight was forever on my shoulders, whatever it could be.
But the timer of the microwave went off, which distracted me from my philosophical sounding thoughts for the time being. I grabbed out dinner, a nice pork roast with rosemary and thyme permeating it and potatoes, and made sure Elsa came out for dinner. I didn't wake Mum up in case she had one of her mood swings.
Elsa ate in merry happiness, while I was writing up the budget plan since it was a habit to check all our expenses and see how far money can stretch.
"Sis? Is everything OK?" Elsa asked me with her sweet innocent look of worry, seeing how I was scribbling away numbers and calculations.
"It's OK, Elsa. Sis is just busy with numbers," I responded in kind, giving her a reassuring smile as I glanced at her, seeing how she had already finished dinner.
"You can go back to your room if you like."
Elsa walked back to her room, and I let out a long sigh, sitting alone in complete darkness. Trying to keep things afloat with a younger sister to feed and a mother who can barely stand without alcohol for at least 20 minutes who hasn't gone to rehab for her problem. But who can help me? I can't do that to Mike, he would hate me for it if I were to be dependent on his help. And I can't just rely on Vanessa either since she too has her things to worry and I don't want to abuse that either.
But...that reminds me of the ring, I pull out from my pocket, seeing the pink diamonds and gold plating on it. It must've cost him greatly to even get a ring like this. Why would he give me a ring like this one unless-
"No...it can't be.." I thought, shocked by what I came up with as the possible answer. He liked me back. But...as a friend? A best friend? Argh, why is it so confusing to understand...? But that can wait for a different time. Maybe I'll ask him tomorrow when I can.
I got up from my seat, walking into my room and closing it behind me, seeing it littered with posters of astrology, textbooks, clothes, and university papers. I let out a breath, sitting on my double bed and having a private moment to think. I stared up at the glow in the glow-in-the-dark astrology stickers that littered my rooftop, allowing my focus to waver while I drifted off to the limbo of silence and random, wondering thoughts. Almost as if I'm trying to dissociate from all the events that happened today and from anything else that was on my mind.
I sighed, sitting back up after an hour had by and walking to a large unopened box that I had had since I was 7 years old. It was a normal, large cardboard box that was as tall as my shoulder, and didn't have any labels that could tell me what it was. I wondered why I didn't want to open it yet all those years ago and all those years then, but maybe it must've been the memory that carried it that could be the cause of why I hadn't. But, considering that I'm older now and feel that I was ready to see what was inside it for all those long years, I decided to open the box.
And after opening it...I see that it was something that I always wanted since I was little.
It was a brass-coated telescope that stood on a tripod and I nearly started to flap my hands in pure joy as I saw it in its glory, something that I hadn't done in years. I took the telescope carefully and with love to the tiny balcony and set it there, as I got comfortable enough on a seat nearby. Then I looked through the telescope to see the bright night sky, there for my pale grey eyes to see. It was certainly a sight to behold. As I gazed into the sky, my love for the stars came alive as I spotted numerous bright constellations, colourful planets and faraway space stations.
Then I saw Saturn, along with its spectacular rings. I am aware that it is a gas planet, but I couldn't help it but come on, it's a beautiful planet to gaze at, with the swirling pools of hazy yellow and earthy brown with the stark white rings around said planet, so it was hard not to notice it in the clear night sky. It's a wonder that the night sky was the result of an explosion. A beautiful explosion, but an explosion nonetheless.
I removed myself from the telescope for a moment, walking towards my phone as I went on to my music and started to play an indie rock song to set the mood. I wanted a certain ambience to capture this amazing moment of the night sky. While I was in my little bubble of watching the stars as if I were a shepherd with his herd of sheep in wonder, my mind started to wander about what would happen if I could reach for the stars.
But that's ridiculous. With my meagre wages from my college side hustle as a research student in the astrology department along with my salary as a cafe/bookstore worker, it's a pipe-dream in comparison to those with large sums of money who can reach for the stars without much effort. But that doesn't make my dream of being up there in the vast void of glitter-filled darkness any dimmer.
I get up from the seat on the balcony as I went inside to grab a blanket so as not to freeze out here, a beige yellow wool one that can encapsulate two people inside its warm embrace, as I went outside again to gaze at the star-filled sky. This was the only time when my thoughts were silent, no worries or anxieties for the future, just pure silence other than the occasional car engine and the stone-cold breeze from the last legs of winter still grasping on to this world. But nights like these are often the nights where people can be at their lowest but by some fated miracle, they can find their brightest light. That thought alone made me stop for a second, wondering why I would think like I was suddenly sounding like a long forgotten sage or something along those lines of unsuspecting wisdom.
I shook my head, thinking that is was just one of my many poetic moments where I find myself lost in a euphoric state of mind where I almost feel like I was one with the scene before, like I was fused to the earth in the sense of becoming one, with nothing else mattering other than the still of peace and the sounds of nature being the music of the universe..
And here I was going again with the religious fervour talk. It's almost getting a bit out of hand if I keep this up currently. It's strange to think that way, though I already knew that I was different because of my autism along with the fact that I have to raise my baby sister as well, but that didn't seem to be the case. I may be 23 years old, but learning from the experience of trying to speak my mind and being given criticism in return, I learned to keep my mouth shut. Which has made me a wallflower in social circles but it's never bothered me before. Besides, I like what solitary study can bring compared to what a group could present, along with the fact that I have always worked alone on my college projects.
But all my thoughts were soon interrupted abruptly when I turned for some reason to see my mother awake from her drunken sleep, her dark forest green eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep and a barely contained drunken rage. Stood there on the balcony with fear, wondering when she would wake up and if Elsa was asleep, oblivious to this situation.
But why was my mother here, glaring down at me as if it were the foulest thing there is in her sight?
Unless...
"Phoebe," My mother spoke, almost like it was venom on her tongue, speaking through gritted teeth. I tilt my round head at her, confused and scared at what she might do. I grabbed onto the telescope beside me, afraid that she might do something to it.
"Mum?" I asked with fear coming through my dry stiff throat, choking on the thoughts of what my mother was planning on doing. I can see that she was still drunk and moody, an empty Jack Daniels bottle in hand and the other, a fist, gripping the door frame with force. I knew that my mother tended to be a bit moody after drinking, but never seen her be violent. Has the alcohol...?
"You should've just left that cursed thing alone," She continued, almost snarling with hateful eyes directed at the telescope, as if she despised its existence. "If he had not gone out that day.." she continued, her slightly overweight form swaying around, her eyes which may seem hateful also seemed glassy; almost begging from past trauma.
"Mum, what are you talking about?" I asked, now very much scared. "Dad was only an accident-"
"He was my husband!" Mum shouted at me, throwing the bottle at me in pure hatred. "He wanted you to be happy. YOU! And now he's gone!" She continued, as she fell to her knees, tears pouring out. I held onto the cold metal of the telescope, as my mind was racing. What should I do?
Then, all of a sudden, Mum dashed at me, and I was pushed off the balcony. And into the cold water of the swimming pool below, as I floated down.
My vision was blurring, and all sorts of thoughts and memories flurried by my eyes. I wondered if this is what all beings feel when they're at the edge of a cliff. I gazed lazily up at the familiar night sky, seeing how the sky was becoming brighter all of a sudden, with colourful nebulae and bright stardust circling me, as if I were going through a haze of interstellar emotions.
Soon, at the end of this star-filled tunnel, I could see the ringed planet from afar, as I reached out towards it, a strange pull through this 'tunnel' and I slowly lost consciousness...