Hill
Below the Faculty of Medicine building, where almost all the students were either walking around or casually chatting, another friend and I were sitting at a wooden table near the faculty terrace, where we met to work in groups.
Actually, the semester had not yet started, but the professor had already given assignments to his major students. All doctors had to attend classes before the semester started. Why? Yes, because we had so many subjects that one semester was not enough.
I'm Hill, a second-year medical student, and I'm also the medical facility's Moon. It's a position that many people consider important, but for me it's nothing more than a series of photo shoots and interviews. Which only makesl my life even more difficult.
For the past year, there have been people, both men and women, who have come to try to win me over. Even though it doesn't mean anything to me to be liked by many people, it's sometimes uncomfortable. I'm not really interested in anyone. I'm not even interested in love.
I don't know, I can't say for sure, I just feel like there's something that's always stuck in my mind. Because of my father's job, my whole family had to move and it happened very suddenly. In the morning, my mother told me that we were moving, then that night we left the city. It was easy for us to leave since a new house to live in was already bought.
When I started college, I moved to a condominium so that I could travel and study easily. I never wanted to move at all. I felt like I was leaving someone without the chance to fix a misunderstanding or tell them the truth. I couldn't even say goodbye, as if everything I had done for so many years had been in vain. I should have had the courage to tell them a long time ago.
Until time passed...I moved to another part of the country. I was far away and couldn't contact him anymore. This really made me regret it. But I still have hope that one day we can meet somewhere in this world. At that time, will his feelings still be the same? What will he think? I don't know either... but what I'm sure of is that right now, he'll probably hate me.
I used to sit and read messages in the chat room we used to chat in and it made me wish I could go back in time, if I could. But, I had to face reality when his Facebook account was closed and his phone number was changed. With this, the chance of me being able to contact him was zero.
Even if I were to see him, he probably wouldn't want to see my face. No matter what happens or how much time passes... another person's smile never makes me happy. My happiness is only possible if that person's smile exists.
One day, when I was helping my mother review documents to award scholarships to students applying to this university under the name of "Khunying Rattana ", I had to check which paperwork was complete and which was not. After reviewing until I was almost bored, I found one
document that caught my attention.
Panupong Photthasin College of Veterinary Medicine First Year.
I turned my gaze to the photo of the student in the right corner. That's right...
"Believe me, everything depends on time and opportunity," someone's voice rang in my head.
I used to use this phrase to comfort myself that there was still hope, that my chance and my moment would come someday. Now it's really happening...
All day long, I thought about this and about many things: What should I do?
Will we meet?
How much has he changed?
If I meet him, how will I act?
Will he miss me?
If he knew that I was also studying here, I think... that very night, someone would definitely not be able to sleep.
"Hill...Hill...!"
Someone's voice came from beside me, causing me to turn around and pay attention.
"Krap?"
"What's wrong? Please help me a little with my homework."
Johan is my classmate who studies at the same college, he is a cheerful person and close to everyone. He himself was the first to approach me, and without knowing how he ended up being my friend. In reality, he is someone who is flirtatious and also rich, so that allows him to play with anyone, without having to remember their names.
There were four people in my group. The person sitting next to me right now was Johan or Jo whom I had already introduced. The person sitting in front of me, who just lowered his head and did his job without caring about
anyone, was Tonfah, a calm and serene-faced person, although deep down he was not that calm. Looking at it that way, you could say that he was ranked second in the group.
The other person sitting next to Tonfah was Arthit, a crazy guy who made you dizzy when he talked. His outer personality seemed a bit brutal and dark, but he was a sincere person, although he was a bit gruff. Unlike Johan who was more like a sly fox.
"Hill, you're just looking at your phone," Arthit added when he heard Johan.
"You didn't do it either, Arthit. Gee, you let Tonfah do it until his hands were twisted. I guess I didn't take advantage."
I didn't like it very much, but I wanted to take a little break before continuing. I had just finished studying and I wanted to rest my brain first.
"All of you, write your names and let's hand it in to the professor," Tonfah said without looking up from his report.
"Hill, this part is yours, Jo, this is yours, and you too, Thit."
Tonfah divided the roles between us. It didn't matter who did it, as long as I had a good paper and handed it in to the professor, that was enough.
"I'm so lazy. No, I won't study or become a doctor," Athit complained, but he accepted the role assigned anyway.
"Oh come on, you're so annoying," Johan said.
"Look at that guy. He's just pretending to sit there with a blank expression, believing that he almost got an F on finals last time," Arthit pointed out to me.
"Well, I have to do the best I can," I said as I searched for a pen in my backpack.
"Do enough or you'll make us look like a mess. You got a 98, that's an A, right? Ai'Tonfah got a 90. Damn, I got an 84. Just a little more and I almost brought the dog home."
The dog that Johan talks about has something to do with the grades we give to each evaluative letter:
A = (Ant) Ant
B = (Bird) Bird
C = (Cat) Cat
D = (Dog) Dog
This is how we talked when the grades came out. As far as animal terms to mention in the grades, I have to say my least favorite animal is
probably Fish = F.
"How about you join the project to do ' good ' for Dad? Dad said the house is full of howling dogs tonight," Athit said with a laugh.
"Instead of competing with each other to get scores, why don't we work together to get the same score so we can raise ants as a group?" Tonfah suggested.
"Are you going to study Entomology so you can raise lots of bugs? Everyone wants to get good grades. If you can, so can I," Ai Johan said before turning to continue...being interested in his own phone?
"Shia... Jo, you betrayed me. I thought you were the same. You finally show your colors!" Athit said in a sad tone.
Then we didn't speak for almost twenty minutes because we were all focused on what we had in our hands. As my brain processed, I didn't want to stop until I finished writing my piece, but then Tonfah spoke with a sigh and left us in silence.
"I'm done with part 1.1."
"I finished 1.3,"
I said as I put down my pen and tilted my head back and forth a few times to relieve the tension in my neck.
"I'll be done in a minute,"
Arthit said. I turned to Johan, who was writing hurriedly, as if he were concentrating.
"Done/Done," Johan and Arthit said in unison.
"Are you two competing?" Tonfah asked.
"No, but if I finish first, I feel a little better," Johan said before picking up his coffee and drinking it.
"By the way, Hill, I wanted to ask you, about the latest photo you posted?" Arthit seemed to be thinking about something before asking me.
"Oh yeah, what's up? Did you pay someone?" This time it was Johan who joked.
"Damn, they're tweeting this hashtag a lot. Who owns that watch?" He held up his phone for me to see.
"New hashtag? I haven't seen it."
I took the phone from him and noticed the new hashtag. I haven't checked X since yesterday, after I posted the photo. It seems that because the photo I posted was of my hands and the watch my Nong was wearing was visible, a new hashtag was created.
"Who is that? I want to know. You don't even care about those stars. I don't see that you care about Fondao. And you ignored Baifern who came to sit and wait that day, to the point that I felt sorry for her and wanted to go over and comfort her," Johan said as he turned his body towards my direction.
"I don't want to tell you yet," I said, handing the phone back to Johan.
"You even hid it from your friends? Wow!" Tanfah said.
"Okay. I'll introduce him to you later."
"Are you flirting with someone?"
"Damn, with a face like Hill's, does he still have to flirt with others? If I think about it, I'll die alone. But how long are you going to flirt with him? For God's sake, I think, you'll just tell him you like him and he'll be eating out of the palm of your hand."
"No, this guy is difficult."
"Really? So, on a scale of one to ten, how hard is it?"
I thought for a moment before answering Johan. That's really hard for me to answer. Hmm....."I should probably say ten."
"So, it's just those stars that have been chasing you until now. Oh, my little star... Then, can you give me Baifern?" Johan said with a mischievous face.
"It depends. Be careful not to change over time," I said indifferently.
Johan was never serious with anyone. He just played with one person after another. By God, everything he found on the way, he would eat it if he had the chance. If we were to count all his flings up to now, we would have lost count.
"You have to be careful with your habits, Jo. When you decide to get serious, it will be difficult." Tonfah scolded, like a mother figure.
"Oh, don't worry. I never thought about that. In this life, I would rather be like this for the rest of my life."
"And who will take care of you when you are away?"
"I!"
"Okay, forget it." Tonfah sighed and rolled his eyes.
That's right, Johan is really rich. Besides having a big real estate business, he also started his own private business. He never wanted to be regarded as someone who was 100% supported by his parents or dependent on the family business. So he started doing something for himself right from high school. When he had money, it wasn't hard to find someone to take care of him. But would anyone genuinely, really love him?
"So basically, our friend Hill started getting serious about his love life. We're the only ones available at this time," Arthit said sadly.
"Is that so? But I haven't had a chance to do anything yet," I said. "The one sitting over there, Tonfah. I can already smell the scent of love emanating from him."
"Really? Ton too? With whom?" asked Arthit.
"Damn it, Hill. Stop talking nonsense and go about your business," Tonfah said disinterestedly.
"I already know all about it. You can hide it from others, but not from me."
Normally, Tonfah doesn't tell anyone anything about himself. Obviously, if he's flirting with someone he wouldn't say anything about it. But lately I've started to notice some things, I don't know, just little details that give me a feeling.
"What the hell, why don't you try to interfere in Arthit's life? He's the one who seems to be hiding something." Tonfah retorted.
"Wait, Ton, wait, what am I hiding?"
"I doubt it, hahaha... I don't think Arthit stands a chance," Johan said. "You're too brutal. You haven't learned how to be gentle with women yet."
"Fuck you!"
"So, Hill. Is there anything else you want to talk to me about? I have an appointment," Johan said before getting up from his chair.
"Ton, I'll leave the task to you, okay?"
"Who are you going on a date with? Panya?" Tonfah asked after remembering the name of Johan's girlfriend.
"No, it's someone else."
"Who?"
Johan didn't answer. He just smiled and waved his hand.
"Ton, you shouldn't even try to remember the names of the people he's dating," I said flatly. It's pointless, since he frequently changes his faens. (Boyfriends/Girlfriends)
When the tasks were successfully completed, we dispersed. Tonfah kept the report because he was the leader of our group during assignments. Although I was very good at academics, I didn't want to bother with other things.
The same went for the club. At first I didn't want to have anything to do with the president position, but it
was only because of my mother's insistence that I accepted it. Then, when I was given the responsibility, I had to do my best.
I pressed the remote control to unlock the door of my beloved car, but just like the car my father allowed me to use, this car was too conspicuous and I don't really like driving it. Wherever I go, there are many people staring at me. I prefer to use another car, but at home they are all as conspicuous as this one, some are even more conspicuous.
When I arrived at my condo, I parked in my own personally rented spot. It's more convenient since I don't have to drive around to find a parking spot. I just drive in and park in the area that is prepared for me. Plus, the price is quite affordable.
Upon entering my room, I throw my backpack onto the large couch and take off my tie to ease the discomfort. My mother found this condo, it was quite spacious and fully equipped. There was a living room and a bedroom big enough to accommodate three people comfortably. There was a dining table and a small kitchen that had all the necessary equipment.
I turned on my computer and clicked on my Facebook login. There was a Facebook account that I had recently discovered. It was a newly created
account, so it didn't have many posts or pictures, and from what I could see, he didn't seem like the type of person who posted on Facebook every day.
Anyway, I kept scrolling down to see some of his old posts and some statuses that I thought were about me.
Easter Panupong - May 12:
~ Yes, I passed the exam and will live in the northern region ~
I scrolled all the way to the bottom and started from his first post when he opened the account. Then, continued to scroll up.
Easter Panupong - May 28:
~That would be too far. I feel strangely disappointed.~
Easter Panupong - June 5: added 1 new photo...
~Rayong Province~
It was a photo of a landscape somewhere with the caption: ~Let's remember the good times, before we forget them forever.~
I remember that place. It was the first place we went out together. At that time I just wanted to take him for a walk, to spend time together. I remember that the distance was very far and it was quite difficult to get there. But it was worth it, because the person I was with was smiling happily.
Seeing his happiness made me forget about the tiredness after driving for almost two hours.
Easter Panupong: Jul 18: added 1 new photo. It was a picture of the night sky, with the starlight twinkling beautifully.
This is the last, most recent post. After that, there was no more. If he posted this, it means something to him; it means that he still remembers...
Although my feelings may be very strong, I have changed a little...I wasn't entirely sure before. I didn't even have any intention of waiting, but it seemed like I couldn't move on, even if I had no hope.
When a whole year passed without meeting or communicating, the longing I had sensed at the beginning had vanished and I could say that I had let him go. To the point that I sometimes secretly believed that I had forgotten him... But, I hadn't been able to open my heart to anyone else. So these two things were contradictory.
I didn't know what to do. I once tried to imagine that if we met again by chance, he would just act indifferent and feel nothing. But that's not entirely true...
Seeing his face for only a split second was enough for the entire year I spent trying everything to stop thinking about him, to calm the longing in my heart... was easily broken and vanished in vain.
At that moment, I understood that...
My heart still wants it all the time...
And it will be like this forever...