But the months pass fast when you are buried in the dirt every single day. The freezing winter wind of Nagano slowly gave way to the soft fragrance of cherry blossoms and suddenly April arrived. A new school year had begun and I was officially a second-year student.
The start of April brought a completely different energy to the school grounds. The hallways were alive with flyers and posters as all the traditional sports teams began their frantic search for freshman recruits. For our baseball club recruitment was not some massive corporate goal. We did not care about becoming a seventy-man powerhouse like those crazy schools in Tokyo. We just wanted to have fun and make sure we had enough bodies to finally play baseball in official tournament games.
"We need at least two more consistent players if we want a safe bench for the spring qualifiers" Wakana said while she taped a hand-drawn recruitment poster to the main bulletin board.
Nobu leaned against the wall next to her and laughed. "Most of the freshmen are rushing to the soccer or tennis clubs. They see our field and they still think we are just a bunch of weirdos playing in a construction site."
"Hey! Who are you calling a weirdo, Nobu!" I yelled while throwing my arms in the air with a giant grin. "Our field is a masterpiece of modern architecture! Freshmen should be begging on their knees to touch this sacred dirt!"
Nobu and Wakana both burst out laughing and the sound made my chest feel light. I loved this. I loved being care free and just fooling around with my friends without the crushing pressure of a giant high school program over my head. I didn't want to overthink the future or scouts or anything complicated. I just wanted to stand on the dirt right now and play the game with the people I cared about.
But as I laughed with them a strange and familiar weight settled behind my ribs. It was a subtle cold sensation that had been creeping up on me for weeks. For a split second my mind flashed to a different April. I saw a crowded Tokyo stadium and heard the roar of thousands of fans cheering for a powerhouse team. I remembered a version of Eijun who used to shout until his throat was raw, a version who was the literal sunshine of the dugout.
I looked down at the gravel. That old, bright Eijun was still missing. I was acting like him now, joking around and being the loud idiot my friends expected, but it felt a little bit like a performance. The genuine spark, that blinding light in my eyes that the original Sawamura always had, was just gone. It was like looking at a colorful painting with the brightness turned all the way down. I was a little depressed underneath it all, but I hid it so well that neither Nobu nor Wakana noticed a thing. They just saw their usual energetic captain.
"Anyway!" I slapped my cheeks to snap out of it, forcing my smile to widen. "Let's go to the field! I can smell the baseball season in the air!"
Later that afternoon we held our first practice of the new term. The pale spring sun cast long shadows across our raked earth. We did not get a massive crowd of freshmen, but three timid first-year boys were standing near the old dugout looking incredibly nervous.
"Are you the guys who beat that school from the next town in February?" one of the freshmen asked, his eyes wide. "My older brother told me about it."
I rubbed the back of my neck and laughed a bit loudly to cover up the sudden hesitation in my chest. "Yeah that was us. We managed to pull off a win." Even though I was trying to act carefree like the original version of myself, I still could not bring myself to shout about being a legendary ace or anything grand like that. The words just felt too heavy to say. Instead I just grinned and waved them over. "If you guys join us, you will get plenty of chances to play. We can use all the help we can get."
Wakana bumped her shoulder against mine with a soft smile before looking at the new guys. "Don't let the field scare you, guys. Grab a rake from the dugout and help us clear out the winter leaves."
The boys chuckled and immediately nodded, scrambling to grab the spare tools. I watched them from the pitcher's mound, a quiet satisfaction settling in my chest. I really did enjoy this moment. Even with the darkness hiding in the back of my mind, seeing my friends happy and watching our little club grow was enough for now. We were just a bunch of countryside kids under the radar, and we were ready to play.