I remembered a little memory from when I was 3 years old. At that time, my father held my tiny hand, and later, he let me hold his index finger, then we went to the neighborhood. When we went there my two cousins played with me outside their house and our parents talked alone but suddenly went wrong with them when we saw them uncomfortable and then for a little moment a large snake came out of my neighbor's house and my cousin's dad shouted
Dad's cousin, "mga anak wag kayong pumarito may ahas nakalabas baka makagat kayo doon muna kayo sa tiyahin niyo bilisan niyo"
And my cousins immediately pulled my hand and ran together to the auntie's house
After a long time, our dad came to see us to see if we were okay and we went out and saw a large dead snake hanging in the tree. Afterwards, my dad asked me to go home because the sun was going down. And finally, we're home but my mother was angry with us because we got home late. And later on, my mother cleaned me up. And that was a little bit of memory that was never forgotten of being 3 years old.
Then at my 5 years old, there's a memory of mine that I went to school and I was in a daycare but it was a church nowadays. After class, no one picked me up from day care and I went home alone but on a steep downhill road I braved up to go down and slid alone, but I didn't hurt, and enjoyed that moment. After that, I saw her cooking biko then afterward I called mom to say that I was already at home and she was suddenly surprised and went to ask my dad
Mom,"Bakit hindi mo sinundo si Bebe sa day care? Tingnan mo anak mo nakauwe na madungis. "
Dad, "ay nga pala nakalimutan ko"
Mom, "kakanood mo nakalimutan mo na anak mo"
After their conversation, Dad cleaned me and after that, he got me some food to eat. A long time passed, and I went out to play with my cousins. We were dancing and singing " Sex Bomb ", playing hide and seek, and there was a circle chase by the bet. And that was 5 years old memory of mine.
When I was 6 to 8 years old, there was a memory of my oldest cousins and some sibling were raping me at that time, I thought it's ok to do that to my body but when i matured then i realized that was not proper and not good, all they did to me was raping (kissing my private part, placing the genital to mine, trying to insert their to mine) and that was never forgotten in my memory until now. And had a time when they ordered me to buy alcohol but when I bought that and just a few moments i was walking to hand over the alcohol, I slipped on my feet and broke it. And I explained to them what happened but they were angry and asked me to return the money until I cried a lot and thought about what to do and ran inside my house and locked my parents' room to cry again. When my parents went home, they ignored me like they were frustrated after they got home. They were looking for food but no cooked rice and the house was messy. They called us siblings and spanked our butt. It started here my awkwardness with my parents and with others. And it stucked in my mind that I hate my parents and all of them, and that was never forgotten until now. But I went out yet I hated them because my mind at that time was to play with my cousin and we went to the river together to swim. And how many times I almost drowned but was saved too, until, I learned to swim because I imitated the dog style swim, that's why I learned it without teaching. Sometimes we went together to catch crabs, fish, and piras for selling them to Auntie and we had income without asking money from parents. We could buy what we wanted. Until no money was left and we were thinking how to make money and we tried to steal irons because of greed. At that time our minds were full of greedy things and bad habits. No parent knows our doing except our auntie who was we sells crabs, piras, and fish. Until a person came into our village to scold us, especially me for stealing iron. Then I locked myself up in the room to cry and think about killing myself but my mind at that time said don't until I slept. When I woke up, I went out and played with my cousins and talked and laughed together. It seems like what happened earlier was gone like air. When each season came there was a part of us together to make something unique(making a racing car and a road in the ground, playing hide and seek in the forest, making a playhouse, and swimming). I was always scolded with bad words(putangina mo, hayop ka, ulaga, tanga, etc.) together with the strong spanking of my bb which is why I cried a lot, and more hate in my mind came out to not trust them, and I ignored all they said every i scolded in my past. I was always pretending I was okay with them, just hiding who I really am.