It's going to be a windy night.
The canvas flapped violently as Ninya struggled to plant the pole for her tent on the ground.
The sun had already set, and the night's chill did its best to creep into her body.
Her cold, inexperienced hands felt infuriatingly clumsy as she tried and failed to do something that should have been simple, all while a turbulence stirred in her heart.
Thud!
Once again, the pole fell, dragging the canvas with it to the ground.
Sigh. What am I supposed to do?
Ninya felt a sense of powerlessness as she stared at her things on the ground.
Hearing some laughter, she traced the sound until she found the source of her distress, talking cheerfully with Enri while ignoring just how much she had messed her day with her simple remarks.
Looking at the red-haired beauty, Ninya found that she couldn't bring herself to resent Lupita too much.
In the end, it is my fault, right?
Sword of Darkness was a four-man party, and since one of them would always be on their turn for guard duty, one tent was usually all they needed when camping.
As a weak arcane magic caster, the work of setting up the tent usually didn't involve her, and if it did, it would be a group effort.
Ideally, she would have liked to continue with their previous arrangements until they reached E-Rantal, but the news that she was a woman had shocked her companions more than she would have liked, and maybe she was also more affected than she would have wanted.
Because of this, she chose to use their spare tent for the remainder of the trip, something that she was beginning to regret now.
Maybe I should ask Momon if I can stay inside the carriage tonight.
The carriage they had been riding in had ample interior space and was very comfortable.
If she were to be honest, it was way better than their tent, so she was tempted by it.
"Do you need some help?" Maybe after seeing her struggle, Peter finally worked up the courage to approach her.
She turned to look at him, seeing the familiar easy smile now covered by a layer of awkwardness.
Tracing his movements, she noticed that he had been sharpening his weapons, but he stopped to come to her.
The face before her was one she had come to trust with her life, but now she felt it had morphed into one full of malice.
It was an illusion brought forth by her own experiences, she knew, but one she couldn't ignore.
And truth be told, she was angry at him and the others.
After spending more than a year together, she had hoped the revelation that she was a woman wouldn't affect them so much, but seeing them react so carefully was suffocating and extremely annoying.
"No."
Ninya was surprised by the coldness in her voice and immediately wanted to say something more.
"Oh. Okay." But Peter replied faster, his face now one with a hint of sadness.
Seeing him return to his spot, Ninya sighed heavily.
I'm also overreacting.
Peter didn't deserve to be treated like this.
From the very first time they met, the man had been nothing short of her savior.
She remembered how he had approached her in that awful inn shortly after she became a copper-ranked adventurer.
At the time, she was desperate to become stronger and also starving.
She barely made enough money to eat, so to pay for the registration in the adventurer's guild, she had to forsake many meals, leaving her starving.
Peter reached out to her, asking if she wanted to form a party with him.
Despite her distrust, she had no choice but to agree with him, and in the coming days, Sword of Darkness was formed.
Being together wasn't always easy, and they fought from time to time, but in the end, they all had each other's backs when it mattered.
It was her first time experiencing friendship, and before she knew it, this party had become a treasured part of her life.
I should apologize to him. He was only trying to help me.
Ninya was about to do it when she noticed gazes on her.
Dyne, who was busy with cooking by the bonfire, and Lukrut, who was setting up the other tent, were both looking in her direction.
But as soon as they made eye contact, the two men averted their gazes.
Sigh.
So much for friendship.
Seeing how fragile their relationship was hurt more than she was willing to admit, which for her served as a confirmation that she had been right to hide her gender from them.
It was rare for mixed parties to last long, especially ones made of people as young as them, so she was sure that if she hadn't pretended to be a man, Peter would never have reached out for her back then.
Lukrut might have tried, but only to sleep with her, and she would have declined.
In a way, I wouldn't have met them if I hadn't presented myself as a man, but maybe it will be for this same reason that we'll split now.
Ninya walked towards the bonfire in silence, deciding to leave the tent for another time.
She silently handed one bowl to Dyne, who looked at her for a moment before filling it with porridge and handing it back to her.
With a nod, she turned around, preparing to leave.
"I'm sorry."
She heard Dyne's quiet voice and tried her best to hold back her tears.
"Don't be. It's not your fault."
I think I hurt him.
The heat from the flames kissed her skin with an inviting warmth, making her feel the urge to sit there by his side.
She wanted to confide in him about her reasons, to explain why she had lied to all of them.
Maybe if she did that, they could still remain friends.
'You have to protect yourself, Ninya. From today onwards, you are a man, do you understand?'
'Yes, sister.'
But she stopped herself.
I shouldn't involve them in my problems; it would ruin them.
And then, Ninya walked until she was far enough from the camp to no longer feel the heavy gazes on her back.
Sitting on the ground, she ate silently while looking at the starry sky above her.
Her mind slowly drifted to her many adventures with her party.
The times when they fought each other.
The times when they got lucky with loot.
The times when they almost died in the wild.
And the times when they spent the whole night just talking about nothing.
She smiled.
Is this going to be the end?
I'll need to go to another city and start over.
Where should it be?
The names of some of the Re-Estize Kingdom's biggest cities flashed through her mind, but she wasn't in the mood to choose right now.
Anywhere but the capital should be fine.
It'll be easier this time. I'm already at silver rank, and I'm a magic caster with a talent, so there should be plenty of parties that will be interested.
But none of them will be Sword of Darkness; a voice inside her rose in response.
"Yeah, you're right, but what can I do?"
A cold wind hit her back, making her shiver all over.
Maybe it's time to go back. I still need to set up the tent, and I'm exhausted.
But then she felt something warm fall over her.
It was a familiar red cape.
"Difficult night?" The warrior, clad from head to toe in black armor, grabbed a rock nearby and placed it by her side before sitting.
"Aren't you cold here? Your party members are shivering even as they sit around the bonfire." Momon turned to her, not looking the least bit cold even while donning metal armor.
"Did they ask you to talk to me?" She wrapped the cape around her, feeling its warmth seep into her body.
Why can this cape remain warm even in this cold? Is it a magic item?
"No, they didn't. Although I'm willing to bet that they would be very grateful if I brought you back to the camp." He then stole a glance at the people around the bonfire.
"Would I be right to think they didn't know you were a girl?"
"Yes."
"That's strange. I thought it was pretty obvious to anyone looking at you, so I thought it was either a fashion choice or the case of you being transgender."
Transgender? What is that?
"What gave me away?" She needed to know so her next disguise would be better.
"Hum… How should I put it? The structure of your body is very feminine, something the binder in your chest does little to hide. Your face can be excused as that of a pretty boy, but the ratio of your shoulders and hips is completely off for a man your age, and even the way you walk and your voice show clear signs that you own a female body."
Momon spoke very calmly, but she could feel the certainty in his tone.
"You are very knowledgeable, Momon."
"I wouldn't go so far as to say that; I just studied Anatomy for a while, so I am fairly familiar with the human body."
He then paused, as if remembering something.
"Also, I must apologize for my companion's indiscretion. She shouldn't have exposed this in front of everyone, bringing so much distress for you and your companions."
"It's okay… No, it's not okay, but I don't blame you or her for this. I'm also at fault for hiding this from the others, so I can't bring myself to blame you over this." Hearing someone who had nothing to do with the situation apologize so seriously made her feel silly for caring so much about this.
She had hidden this for so many years that having it exposed felt like something huge, but maybe it didn't need to be this way.
Maybe we can go back to how things were?
Momon doesn't seem like the type to spread a secret like this, and Lupita is very obedient towards him, so if Peter and the others cooperate, maybe everything can stay the same.
"For you to think like that at your age shows that you were raised right. I bet your parents would be proud of you."
The words hit her like punches, and she struggled to keep her face straight.
"Yes, I bet she would." Thinking about her mother still stung even after all these years.
Silence fell over the two of them, and Ninya decided to look at the sky above them.
There were many stars there, adorning it with their light, circling the full moon that shone its light on the world below.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Momon asked.
"Very."
"It's actually a bit funny that you chose to sit here alone while looking at the night sky."
"Why?"
"Because this was something that I used to do whenever I had a difficult day." Momon's voice was full of a nostalgic yet sad tone.
"There were days when no matter how much I struggled, I couldn't seem to get anywhere closer to completing a certain goal of mine."
"New obstacles would appear, and problems would multiply faster than I could solve them."
"It was hard, and with no help in sight, I needed to do everything by myself, which little by little drained my soul."
"Yes… This metaphor seems appropriate. My soul was drained of most of its vigor, and I watched as my sanity began to drift further and further away from me."
"When you remain alone for a long time, it's very easy to lose yourself, and maybe this would have been my fate were it not for the night sky."
"Whenever I felt my soul weary or consumed by despair, I would wait for the night to come and sit on the ground, watching the stars in the sky above."
"It served as an anchor for my existence, the only constant in my life besides my own existence, and in no time it became my best friend."
"On many nights, I would sit on a rock much like this and talk with it. I would recount my grievances, tell it about my discoveries, and even ask for advice, although it never answered."
Momon laughed to himself while reminiscing like a madman.
To hear a man as powerful as Momon admit his mental instability as he prattled on and on about how his best friend was the sky was something Ninya felt should scare her, but she was surprised to find that it wasn't fear she felt when hearing this man.
Watching him earnestly expose his weakness to her captivated her.
She was curious about what kind of life this man had that brought him to where he was now, and, more than that, she wanted to understand how Momon saw the world.
His readiness to show this side of himself while trying to comfort her left her feeling more emotional than she expected.
"Thank you." The words escaped her mouth before she could articulate what they meant.
Thank him for what?
For saving our lives earlier?
For stopping Lupita when she wanted to attack them?
For taking his time to comfort her?
For showing this side of himself?
Maybe it was all of these things combined.
She only knew that there were many reasons to be grateful to this man.
"Hum? I don't know why you're thanking me, but you're welcome."
Hearing this, Ninya smiled.
"But more importantly, can you tell me why you felt the need to pretend to be a man even for your party members? I feel like there must be an important reason for that."