The mine was dark, damp, and smelled like someone had tried to pickle a goblin in old cheese.
"This is definitely the place," Emilia said, hands on her hips as she stared into the gaping mouth of the tunnel.
Kirian took a bold step forward, puffing out his chest like he was about to slay a dragon. "Fear not, fair maidens! For I, Kirian Zennon, shall lead us into the depths and conquer whatever foul beasts lurk within—ACK!"
A bat flapped out of the tunnel and smacked him right in the face.
"Hero," Lili mumbled, eyes wide as she watched it fly away. "Defeated by sky rat."
Kirian dusted himself off with an exaggerated huff. "That was merely… a warning strike. I let it hit me to gauge its speed."
"Of course, my liege," Emilia muttered, rolling her eyes.
They entered the mine with all the grace of a herd of goats on stilts. The deeper they went, the colder it got, and the walls began to shimmer faintly with mineral veins.
Lili poked one of them with her umbrella. "Oooooh. This crystal has sparkles. I think I'm in love."
"Lili, stop touching the walls," Emilia warned. "Last time you fell for a cursed rock, we had to escape a cave that tried to marry you."
"It had very good taste," Lili said, hugging the glowing mineral.
Then came the squeaking.
Low. Guttural. Multiply layered.
"…That wasn't you, right?" Kirian whispered.
"Squeaking usually isn't my thing," Emilia replied, gripping her spear.
From the shadows, eyes emerged. Dozens of them.
And then — fur. Teeth. Claws.
Giant. Rats.
"Back foul rodents!" Kirian shouted, drawing the stick he called a sword.
Lili whipped her umbrella forward like a fencer. "Away, whiskered demons!"
The rats… were unimpressed.
One of them yawned.
Another licked Lili's boot.
She bonked it with her umbrella. It blinked. Then it bit her shoe.
"HEY! This was a limited edition pair!" she cried, now swinging wildly.
Kirian leapt into the fray, twirling his sword like a noodle in the wind. "En garde, you overgrown hairballs!"
To everyone's surprise, Kirian actually managed to hit something. A rat yelped and scurried off. Another tripped over it.
He grinned. "Ha! Did you see that?! I am a TRUE—"
THUD.
A massive paw slammed him into the dirt.
A new rat had entered the scene. Twice the size of the others. Covered in scars. With an eye patch.
"That's a big rat," Emilia muttered.
"That's a mini bear with cheese breath," Lili added from behind her half-eaten shoe.
The giant rat roared.
Emilia stepped forward, spear ready. "Alright, big boy. Let's dance."
Swoosh. Slam. Thud.
It wasn't even close. Emilia was fast — faster than she looked. The spear slid under the rat's chin and with one clean sweep, it toppled over.
The mine went silent.
Kirian gasped, lifting his face out of the dirt. "You… you saved us."
Emilia smirked, spinning her spear. "Of course. I'm the responsible one."
CLAP. CLAP. CLAP.
Slow. Echoing. Dramatic.
From the far end of the tunnel, another shadow emerged.
Bigger. Hairier. Wearing a crown made of cheese wedges and bones. Cloaked in fur that looked suspiciously like other adventurers' coats. Sitting… on a throne.
Made entirely of spoons.
"Welcome," the deep voice of the rat king rumbled. "To my domain."
Lili blinked. "He has a throne."
"Who gave him a crown?" Kirian asked, stunned.
Emilia sighed. "I knew this mine was too well-decorated…"
Before they could react, dozens more rats poured in. Armed. Armored. Possibly wearing tiny socks.
"Seize them!" the rat king bellowed.
Sometime Later… In a Really Gross Dungeon Room
The trio sat tied up, suspended over a massive cauldron bubbling with suspiciously yellow liquid.
"…Are they going to fondue us?" Kirian whimpered.
"Looks like it," Emilia said grimly.
"I'd prefer cake," Lili added.
From the side, a rat chef stirred the pot with a spoon longer than Lili's umbrella.
The rat king approached, chewing on a cracker.
"You have trespassed in my kingdom," he growled. "You have defeated General Sniffsnout. For this… you shall be our entrée."
Emilia narrowed her eyes. "You have a monarchy, military hierarchy, and a working kitchen. What is this place?"
The rat king leaned closer.
"This… is the Empire of Cheddar."
> "Captured by rats. Threatened with soup. Possibly on the verge of becoming fondue. Our heroes face their cheesiest challenge yet."