[Kiss them! Kiss them!]
[Kiss them! Kiss them!]
[Nuclear levels ahead!]
[Holy—they actually kissed]
[Iconic scene]
[A masterpiece for the ages]
[I'm sorry I laughed out loud]
[Front row, well done. Well done indeed.]
[Yooooooo!]
[So wait—not the second male lead. The FEMALE lead?]
[Front row kid, you absolute legend]
[Hanabi took a photo—tell me that wasn't intentional]
[I'm dying, my sides]
[What are the odds—they kiss at the exact moment the camera goes off]
[Hanabi: you thought I was the female lead, but actually I'm the shipper in chief. Kehehe~]
Detonation.
The iconic scene sent the comments flooding across the entire screen in an instant. Hanabi's popularity spiked sharply—she hadn't even been the focal point of the moment, but getting a share of the attention was more than enough.
On screen, the scene had already shifted. Hiruzen, the Third Hokage, had watched all of it through the crystal ball, and a room full of Jōnin had fallen into stunned silence.
"Well... this incoming class has a lot of, ah, energy." Asuma wiped sweat from his face.
"Naruto's always been a magnet for chaos." Hiruzen held his pipe and said nothing more for a moment.
"That must be Uchiha Sasuke—year's top student?" Another Jōnin offered a diplomatic redirect.
"Yes." Hiruzen accepted the segue. "Combined score first place. Uchiha Sasuke."
He glanced sideways at Kakashi as he said it.
Combined first. Not first in every subject.
"And the girl with the camera would be Hyuga Hanabi." Kurenai watched the crystal ball. "She can't use the Hyuga bloodline limit—but her genjutsu seems quite exceptional."
Dressed that vividly, Hanabi stood out like fireworks in the dark of night. Impossible to ignore.
"Yes." Hiruzen knew exactly what Kurenai was thinking.
The three students assigned to Kurenai's team were Shino, Kiba, and Hinata.
Though Hinata was Hanabi's sister, the gap in natural talent between them was not small. Kurenai's specialization was genjutsu—but the three students she'd received were the weakest in that area. Their team profile ran high in ninjutsu and taijutsu, low in genjutsu: the numbers broke down roughly as 13, 13, and 7, with a team score of 20. This was a tracking and reconnaissance squad, and Kurenai's primary role was helping them identify and defend against genjutsu—plugging their weak points rather than developing strengths.
That said—who wouldn't want a gifted student?
Without Byakugan, Hanabi had no realistic path onto that reconnaissance team. Even if she could somehow be just like a normal person, it simply wasn't possible.
The crystal ball's view drifted to Uzumaki Naruto.
"Uzumaki Naruto..." Kakashi stared at the screen, something turning over behind his eye.
Back in the classroom, the aftermath of the moment had erupted into chaos.
The girls dragged Naruto off somewhere. Hanabi slipped smoothly into the seat beside Sasuke.
[Sneaky wom—]
[Typo. "Woman."]
[That's the joke]
[Scheming girl—she just casually took the seat next to the swagger king]
[What if the one sitting next to him is actually the female lead]
[This is a shonen action anime—shippers, could you please calm down for five minutes]
[SHONEN MANGA—please stop trying to make this a love polygon]
Sasuke looked at the girl who had appeared beside him. "You took a photo just now, didn't you?"
"There's no film in it," Hanabi said. "The reason I brought it today is because we're getting placed on teams—I wanted to take group photos with everyone."
"Teams?" Sasuke blinked. "What do you mean?"
"Graduates are placed into groups of three, each assigned to a Jōnin instructor for missions." Hanabi had effectively delivered Iruka's lines for him.
"Groups of three?"
Ino and Sakura, who had been mid-argument, both paused and looked over.
"Ninja operate in squads. All of us graduates will be divided into three-person cells, then placed under a Jōnin. And technically, we're not even fully-fledged Genin yet—"
The door swung open before she could finish.
"Everyone take your seats—the placement ceremony is starting," Iruka announced.
Hanabi fell quiet.
Now wasn't the right moment to reveal there was a second exam ahead. So she had deliberately let her sentence trail off, timed for Iruka's entrance to cut her off.
"I wonder who'll get put on Sasuke's team..." The girls were seated but still murmuring.
"Congratulations—as of today, you're ninja in your own right." Iruka glanced briefly at Hanabi. "As you've apparently already heard: you'll be placed in three-person cells, each led by a Jōnin instructor. To balance capability across teams, the assignments have been decided by your teachers. I'll read them out now..."
Iruka began calling the groups.
"Team Seven: Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuga Hanabi..."
"Oh, it's Hanabi—nice!"
Naruto sounded genuinely pleased.
"Hanabi..." Hinata watched her little sister from the back of the room, a quiet worry on her face.
"...and Uchiha Sasuke."
"Ah!" The excitement drained out of Naruto instantly.
"...Team Eight... Team Nine... Team Ten... That's all." Iruka finished the list.
Naruto couldn't hold it together. He shot to his feet and pointed directly at Sasuke. "Iruka-sensei, why does someone as amazing as me have to be on the same team as him?!"
"Sasuke has the best overall scores of any graduate. Hanabi placed first on the written exam..." Iruka looked at Naruto with his hands on his hips. "And you, Naruto, are dead last."
Hanabi watched the feed with quiet amusement.
While Iruka was explaining, labels had appeared on the video—like little tags. When he mentioned Sasuke: "Overall First Place." Hanabi: "Written Exam First Place." And for Naruto, a comical animation of a lead weight stamped "Dead Last" dropped onto his head and flattened him.
"To balance every team's overall strength, this was the only configuration that worked." The classroom erupted in laughter.
Naruto looked sideways.
Hanabi wore a serene, beatific smile.
"Don't drag us down, dead last." The cool and brooding Sasuke stared straight ahead.
"What's 'dead last' supposed to mean?!" Naruto bristled.
"Want to fight about it, dead last?" Sasuke scoffed.
"Bring it!" Naruto rolled up his sleeves. Hanabi sat beside them and said nothing—but her expression was unmistakably that of someone thinking, go on, start swinging, I'm enjoying this.
"All right, settle down. This afternoon we'll meet our Jōnin instructors. Dismissed." Iruka closed out the session and the room began to scatter.
"Shall we go get something to eat? My treat." Hanabi immediately extended the invitation to both of them.
"Pass." Sasuke turned and walked away.
[Hanabi: rejected for the third time]
[Noble Phantasm activated—Even unto the third invitation, she was denied]
[I'm losing it, she's tried to pay for food since episode one and it's never once worked]
Hanabi: ...
Was that really what they were focusing on?
She'd collected a decent haul of popularity, but this was truly baffling.
Genuinely concerned for this audience's mental state.jpg
"Hey hey hey, how can you refuse like that when Hanabi's offering to pay?!" Naruto rounded on Sasuke indignantly.
"Then Naruto, shall we go? Ramen at Ichiraku?" Hanabi turned to him instead.
"Ichiraku ramen!" The instant she said it, all of Naruto's focus evaporated from Sasuke.
"Of course—ah—actually... hmm! T-today's no good!"
Naruto's face shifted dramatically. His stomach made a very strange sound.
And then he bolted.
[She was just rejected four times in a row]
[I cannot breathe]
[HAHAHAHAHA]
The goofy netizens were having a blast.
Let them laugh. That was fine.
The screen shifted—a sequence of Hiruzen and Kakashi paying a visit to Naruto's apartment, where Kakashi's sharp instincts zeroed in on a carton of expired milk.
"Kakashi-sensei..." Hanabi remained where she was, still running through her plans.
Work with Naruto and Sasuke in concert?
No. Absolutely not.
Genuinely collaborate, pass the test through combined effort, shout a few things about bonds and friendship, and Kakashi would probably let them through?
Possible. But—
Where's the drama?
Predictable, uninteresting—in this day and age, that was a crime. This was 2024 on the other side of the screen, not 1994. Thirty years ago that formula might have worked.
"Right. Decided."
Hanabi had her plan.
Whatever else happened, she was leaving Kakashi with some psychological damage by the end of this.
What if Kakashi snapped and lost control?
Not a concern.
You can live without living—but you cannot live without good material.
Hanabi had decided to give Kakashi something to remember.