Chapter 56: Two Pairs of Legs Hanging from the Ceiling.
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Kihara didn't let the pleasant surprise in front of him cloud his judgment. He quickly scanned the bedroom and spotted a ghostly white figure dangling outside the window like a phantom.
Izayoi Sakuya clearly didn't trust leaving Remilia alone in such a "lamb entering the tiger's den" situation. After shooting Kihara a sharp, threatening glare, she climbed up the rope and disappeared, apparently planning to continue her surveillance from a different spot.
"Hey, what are you dawdling for? Hurry up and close the curtains so we can sleep. Sharing a bed with me is an immense honor for you!"
"I was just wondering — don't you usually sleep in a coffin?"
"Hah? That outdated thing? I stopped using it ages ago. It's cramped and there's no room to… cough… Anyway, I would never sleep in something like that."
The moment the curtains were drawn, Remilia's small body shivered. She nervously clenched her pink fists and scooted deeper into the bed, staring at Kihara with wide eyes as he obediently lay down under the covers.
Feeling her unprecedentedly intense gaze beside him, he helplessly opened his eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be sleeping? Why are your eyes so wide open?"
"This is vampire eye-protection training. What would a mere human know about it!"
Remilia nearly punched him in the eye when he suddenly spoke. She huffed, "You'd better fall asleep quickly and not get any weird ideas."
Kihara smiled playfully and turned onto his side to face her. "But just thinking about sharing the same bed with Remilia Scarlet fills me with such supreme glory that I can't fall asleep at all!"
"Hmph… Hmph! Even if you flatter me now, I won't give you any special treatment. At most, I'll ask Kaguya to prepare an extra dessert for you next time."
Rustle rustle—
A strange scraping sound came from the roof. Remilia looked up in confusion. "Are the tiles on your roof that loose? They creak even with just a breeze."
"Maybe it's the silver cat I feed with milk playing around up there."
"You keep a cat?"
"It belongs to someone else. I just feed it milk from time to time."
"Oh."
Remilia felt like there was something hidden in his words, but she didn't sense any malice, so she didn't bother digging deeper.
A pleasant scent drifted from her silky blue curls — a mix of red wine and citrus. It wasn't overpowering; instead, it grew richer and more captivating over time.
If it had been an elegant older woman lying here, Kihara would have assumed it was perfume. But the person beside him was the proud, dignity-obsessed young mistress Remilia Scarlet, who was famous for her dramatic "head-in-hands defensive crouch."
I've figured it out!
A glint flashed in his eyes. He pointed at her confidently. "You secretly drank red wine and ate oranges before coming to my house, didn't you!"
"H-How did you know!?"
Remilia's eyes widened in shock. Then she bared her sharp little fangs and glared threateningly. "You are absolutely forbidden from telling Sakuya that I sneaked snacks after brushing my teeth! Otherwise, I'll pierce you through with Gungnir!"
Even if I don't say anything, she's probably listening clearly from the roof right now.
"You're acting exactly like a child who stole candy and is terrified of getting caught by her family."
That single sentence was enough to make Remilia explode. "Who are you calling a child!?"
"You, obviously. Who else could it be?"
Kihara grinned cheekily and held his hand above her head to measure. "You're only this tall. If you stood next to Lili with a backpack on… pfft, you could totally cosplay as an elementary school student."
"You're dead today!"
Remilia laughed angrily, raising her right hand and gripping the air as if ready to summon Gungnir and give him a heart-piercing strike.
"Wait, Remilia!"
"It's too late to beg for mercy now!"
She had already decided what kind of punishment she would use to restore her dignity.
"No, right now you're lying in the bed and have zero intimidation factor. If you want to fight, let's do it after getting out of bed. Don't ruin my bed and blankets."
"Fine, let's get out then!"
Remilia was both amused and furious at his fearless attitude even while facing death. She immediately threw off the blanket and prepared to get down. Her pale little feet tried to stomp angrily on the bed to show how mad she was, but she accidentally stepped on the hem of her nightgown. Her left foot tripped over her right, and with a cute "Eek!" she fell straight toward the floor.
Faced with the sudden crisis, Remilia's mind went completely blank. She even forgot she could fly. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, bracing for the pain.
Fortunately, Kihara reached out in time and pulled her into his arms. Seeing her clutch both hands nervously against her chest, holding her breath and refusing to open her eyes, he couldn't hold back a laugh.
"Pfft! How can there be a vampire who trips over her own feet?"
Remilia opened her eyes and realized she was being held in Kihara's embrace. She immediately cried out in panic, "W-What are you planning to do to me!?"
Sakuya, who had been eavesdropping on the roof, heard her young mistress's shout. Driven by protective instinct, she smashed a large hole straight through the ceiling and burst into the bedroom. She yanked Remilia out of Kihara's arms and pressed a cold, gleaming dagger against his carotid artery.
"Young mistress, are you alright? What did this scoundrel do to you?"
"Ah? N-No, it's not what you think, Sakuya! You misunderstood!"
Although Remilia was stubborn and childish about preserving her dignity, she would never repay kindness with enmity. She quickly ordered, "Put the knife away right now!"
"Yes!"
After hearing the full story, Izayoi Sakuya immediately knelt in a perfect dogeza to apologize. "I'm truly sorry, Mr. Kihara. My misjudgment caused damage to your house. I will come tomorrow to repair it properly."
Kihara glanced up at the gaping hole in the ceiling that was now letting in wind and making eerie "whooo" sounds. He pointed at it. "I want to sleep now. How do you plan to deal with this?"
"Perhaps… you could stay at the Scarlet Devil Mansion for the night?"
Kihara looked at Remilia, whose eyes were sparkling with excitement, and immediately shook his head. "I'm worried I'd get tied up and whipped by the young mistress if I went over. I'd feel much safer sleeping at my own home."
"But I don't have the right tools right now…"
"I actually have a good idea — as long as you both agree."
He looked at the young mistress and chief maid with an innocent, pure smile.
"Hmph, it's just fixing a roof. What's there to disagree with? Don't underestimate the generosity of the Scarlet family!"
A few minutes later, Remilia stared blankly at the bright moon in the night sky. The night breeze blew her hair against Sakuya's arm beside her.
After a long silence, she asked softly, "Sakuya… Kihara isn't secretly looking up from below, right?"
"No. He went to sleep in the guest room."
"…"
"Young mistress…"
"What is it?"
"Next time… try not to agree to Kihara's suggestions so easily."
"…Understood."
Remilia felt deeply wronged in her heart. Who could have guessed that Kihara's "good idea" was to use the two of them as living plugs to block the hole in the ceiling?
Was that something a normal person would even think of?
Late at night, Marisa sneaked into Kihara's house as usual to "borrow" some things. After slipping into the bedroom, she saw two pairs of pale white legs dangling from the ceiling under the moonlight. She immediately foamed at the mouth and fainted on the spot.
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Thank you for reading.