Chapter 70: Why Reward Him?
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"Kihara... wake up..."
"Kihara, hurry up and get up!!"
"If you don't wake up right now, I'm going to step on your face with my hot, sweaty, smelly feet!"
An angry, high-pitched shout successfully jolted Kihara awake from his sleep. It was true that he enjoyed cute girls' soft feet, but smelly feet were definitely not in his catalog of preferences.
If he ended up in the hospital with a pulmonary fungal infection, he'd probably be branded a "perverted stink-foot freak" behind his back by the doctors and nurses, suffering a complete social death.
Opening his eyes and sitting up, he found Remilia looking at him with an unfriendly expression. Her arms were folded across her "dignity-filled" chest, and the morning sunlight draped over her snow-white body, where she wore nothing but a pair of white thigh-high socks with faint yellow stains.
The dazzling sight sent a surge of impulse through Kihara, though he was quickly stepped on by her again, her toes twitching in a dissatisfied, wave-like motion.
"I say... your behavior offending the Scarlet family last night is enough to warrant dying a dozen times over. Do you have any excuses to offer before your death?"
"Remilia, you're the woman who is about to become my mother, and I'm the man who is about to become your son!"
"What kind of nonsensical gibberish is that? You're asking for a beating!"
She delivered a light kick directly to Kihara's stomach. Before he had woken up, Shinobu—being a fellow vampire—had stealthily crammed quite a bit of adult knowledge into her head, which was why she was only raising trouble now.
Having been muddle-headedly tricked into surrendering her body, it was completely impossible for Remilia not to be angry. However, things hadn't reached the point where she would turn her back on him completely over this matter.
After all, Kihara and Shinobu had helped her and her sister overcome the inherent weaknesses of vampires, provided them with an extremely high-quality and stable source of blood, and, not to mention, he was clearly the central figure in one of Yukari Yakumo's grand schemes.
Regardless of the perspective, Remilia had no reason to completely fall out with him. Still, having lost her maidenhood so confusedly left a lingering knot of resentment in the young girl's heart.
If evaluated from the perspective of judging a romantic partner, Kihara was indeed a flawless companion: his looks, abilities, and endurance were beyond reproach, and being an immortal meant he could walk alongside her to the end of time.
After weighing it back and forth, Remilia felt that her only regret was discovering all this too late. If she had realized it earlier, she might have even leveraged their relationship to thoroughly disgust that "evil shrine maiden" Reimu.
As for how her resentment could be appeased, that depended entirely on what Kihara would do to compensate her. If she wasn't satisfied, she wouldn't mind using her fate-manipulation abilities to cause a few minor troubles for him once she returned.
Even if she couldn't pinpoint exact misfortunes, she could at least guarantee that nothing good would happen to him for a whole month.
Fantasizing about Kihara being tormented by bad luck until he pitifully begged her for mercy, a dangerous glint flashed in Remilia's crimson eyes. While keeping her foot pressed against Kihara, she threatened him arrogantly: "I give you three seconds to produce a compensation plan, or else you had better not return to Gensokyo for the rest of your life!"
"How about... after I return, I come look for you every single day?"
"Huh? What kind of compensation is that?"
Just as she was about to reject the proposal, she was startled by a sudden surge of heat pressing against the sole of her foot, making her stumble over her words: "Y-You... you want to offend the dignity of the Scarlet family again, don't you?!"
"Remilia, don't misunderstand. I have no intention of offending anyone—I just want to defy the head of the household."
"You bastard, isn't the head of the Scarlet family ME?!"
"Heh, you said it!"
Remilia had enjoyed her desired sense of majesty while stepping on Kihara, but she seemed to have forgotten that this wasn't Gensokyo. With her current physical strength, she couldn't suppress him at all.
With a single flip, their roles were instantly reversed. Kihara let her delicate fists rain down on his chest like tiny raindrops; the ticklish force made him laugh out loud.
"Remilia, this isn't Gensokyo! Once you step into my home, whatever happens is no longer up to you!"
"Curse you, you bastard, don't press down on me!"
"Don't be so angry. Married couples argue at the head of the bed and make up at the foot of it. Let me give you a kiss first."
"I haven't agreed to be your wife yet!"
"Things like this are awkward the first time, but familiar the second. You'll admit it soon enough."
"You... eeng... meanie!!"
...
At breakfast, Momo curiously studied Kihara's bruised, purplish eye socket, then turned her head to look at Remilia beside her, who was puffing her cheeks like an angry blowfish while taking tiny bites of her food.
She faintly felt that something must have transpired between the two. Unfortunately, the "Eavesdropping Morning-Glory"
previously placed in Kihara's room had been retrieved; otherwise, she could have verified whether any unexpected incident had occurred last night.
"Kihara, is your eye okay?" Lala blew gently on his eye socket with deep concern.
"I'm fine, I'm fine. I just accidentally hit myself with my phone. I'm never going to lie in bed playing on my phone again."
"Good thing I always put my phone down whenever I feel sleepy..." She patted her chest in relief, then pulled a small tube of ointment from her pocket and handed it to him: "Why don't you apply some of this ointment? It should heal very quickly."
"Thanks.".
Remilia's anger came quickly and faded just as fast. Seeing Kihara and Lala picking up their schoolbags to leave, she called out to him without a second thought: "Kihara, stand right there! Where do you think you're going?"
"I'm going to school."
"No way, you have to stay behind to accompany me!"
Her completely natural, bossy attitude immediately drew a sharp retort from Nana: "Miss Remilia, you're merely brother-in-law's yokai friend. On what grounds are you stopping him from going to school just to stay home and accompany you?"
Remilia didn't even bother to explain, casting a cold, sideways glare at Kihara: "Tell this dummy!"
"Do you really want me to say it out loud?"
"I told you to say it, so say it! What are you being so verbose for?"
"Alright then..." Kihara let out a sigh, offering a smile under Nana's solemn gaze: "Actually, Remilia is a pet I keep. Playing with his pet is also a master's duty, so—GUGHH!!"
Knocked to the ground by a flying headbutt from the girl who couldn't stand his nonsense, Remilia stood up, adjusted her hat, spread the pitch-black demon wings behind her back, and declared at the top of her lungs: "This guy swore his allegiance to me last night to become my personal butler! So I can make him do whatever I want! Got that, you pink twin-tailed dummy!"
"Who are you calling a dummy?!"
"You!"
"Bounce back!"
"Bounce back invalid!"
"Bounce back invalid invalid!"
The two went back and forth in a childish, elementary-school-style argument that made everyone present break into amused laughter.
Momo kept feeling that the relationship between Remilia and Kihara wasn't that simple. She had noticed the brief exchange of glances between the two earlier, and it was only after Kihara compromised on something that Remilia changed her story to say what she just said.
"Momo, please keep an eye on things at home. Don't let them fight and tear the house apart."
"Understood, brother-in-law."
"Lala, let's go."
"Mmhmm!"
The moment Kihara took Lala's hand and stepped out the door, he spotted a blue-haired girl standing outside playing with the tips of her hair out of boredom. He initiated the conversation, calling out: "Anna, are you feeling better?"
Anna Yanami bared her teeth at him, flashing a brilliant smile: "I'm great! In fact, I've never been better!"
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Thank you for reading.