"Yuri!" Captain Stacy got out of his car at exactly the moment Yuri and Wade came through the port gates.
"George!" She ran toward him and he enveloped her in a hug that was fatherly in the specific way of someone who means it rather than performing it. She returned it.
"Are you okay?!"
"I am," she said, stepping back. "Spider-Man saved me."
"I know it's really cool and makes your panties wet, but I'd like you not to treat me like I don't exist.," Wade said, touching Yuri's shoulder, which caused Yuri to detach from George entirely and turn to look at him with an expression that had no warmth in it.
"Thank you."
"Who the hell are you?" George said, hand moving toward his weapon.
"I am glad someone asked," Wade said, extending his hand. "I am Wade Wilson." Every officer in the vicinity drew their weapon and aimed it at him. "Hey! Calm down, gentlemen, I am completely normal."
"He is an idiot," Yuri said, attempting to lower George's gun, "but he is good. He helped me get out." She looked at Wade. "Thank you, Wade."
She gave George a look that communicated the relevant context, which was that this was the associate Spider-Man had mentioned.
"I understand," George said, holstering his weapon. "Where is Spider-Man? Is he not with you?"
"Mmm," Wade said. "He stayed behind to do janitorial work." This came out with less conviction than he clearly intended.
"What do you mean?" George asked, eyebrow moving.
"How.... to clean?" Wade offered, with an uncertainty that did not help his case.
....
BOOM.
....
The harbor erupted. A significant explosion rolled across the dock and everyone ducked simultaneously to avoid the debris.
Everyone except Wade, who turned to watch it with the unhurried appreciation of someone attending a display he enjoyed.
"Cleaning," he said to himself. "Yes. Totally."
Yuri and George looked at him.
"What?"
....
Thud.
....
Spider-Man landed on George's car.
"Hello, gentlemen," he said, which drew everyone's attention. "It is good to see that everyone is alright."
"What the hell happened in there?!" George said.
"Many things," Spider-Man said. "Do you know Silvermane?"
"The Manfredi head?"
"That one. He went completely berserk. After I got Yuri and Wade clear, he pulled out a flamethrower and started setting things on fire left and right like a man who has made a decision and is committed to it.
I tried to reason with him but the bastard had lost all reason. I barely got out before he blew the place up." He sighed with genuine-sounding sadness. "I could not get to him in time."
Wade was doing his absolute best not to laugh. The effort was visible and not entirely successful.
'That is a complete load of nonsense!' he thought. 'Do not laugh, Wade, do not laugh.'
The laughter was building regardless. 'Are these people actually believing this? Hahaha!'
Yuri stared at the middle distance, attempting to process what she had just heard.
"Really?" George said.
"Yes."
"What happened to his henchmen?"
"They were gone before I could help them," Spider-Man said, looking at Wade, who smiled at him. "If only I had arrived sooner." He clenched his fist for additional dramatic weight.
"It is okay, Spider-Man," a female officer said, moving to comfort him. "You cannot save everyone."
"Thank you," Spider-Man said, and his entire demeanor shifted direction. "I will be leaving now."
"Wait a moment!" An officer stepped into his path. "Something does not add up here."
"She is only realizing this now," Wade said under his breath. Yuri elbowed him.
"And you are....?" Spider-Man said.
"I am Officer Dan Espinoza," the officer said, "and I do not think we are going to believe any of this nonsense about you being a hero who wants to save everyone, when you clearly shot the men who broke into Yuri's apartment without hesitation."
'I do not know why,' Spider-Man thought, 'but I am developing a strong urge to hit this man with a crowbar and see what happens.'
He muttered: "Is this the only time they decide to use their brains?"
Wade chuckled. Yuri did too.
"What did you say?" Dan demanded.
"I said if everything I mentioned is nonsense, why do you not tell me what really happened?"
"Well.... mmm." Dan was visibly perplexed, which made his colleagues laugh at him. "I think you killed them all! You are nothing but a cold and ruthless killer!"
Everyone went very still.
"Okayyyy," Spider-Man said. "I admit I did all of that."
Gasps.
Astonishment.
"See, Captain?!" Dan said. "I told you he was nothing more than...."
"And how do you plan to prove your story, you useless officer?"
"What?"
"I said, how will you prove I did all that? Along with all the other atrocities you mentioned I committed."
He tilted his head to the side. "How are you going to prove any of it?"
The question was sufficient to make Dan's entire constructed theory collapse. Since Dan could not find an answer, Spider-Man stepped off the car and walked toward him.
"Listen," he said, very quietly, and his hand closed around Dan's throat and lifted him, "and listen carefully, you little shit. There is nothing you can do about it. Not because you are too smart or too cunning. Because you are a useless incompetent who does nothing but blame other people instead of doing your own job."
"Spider-Man! Put him down!" George drew his weapon. Spider-Man looked at him for a moment, then released Dan, who landed on his backside.
"You know," Spider-Man said, "you should be the one disciplining your men."
"He was just doing his job."
"Yes. Badly."
"Yes. Badly." George paused. "If only I had not done the same in his place."
"Oh, by The One," Spider-Man sighed. "I am going to lose all my brain cells if I stay here any longer. Come on, Wade, we are leaving."
"I am coming! So, shall we swing again?!"
"No. I am tired. We are taking a taxi."
"Awww, that is a pain. Wait, let me call Dopinder. He is a slow driver, but he is a good man."
"Haha, okay," Spider-Man laughed, and they started walking.
"Wait!" George caught up with them. "Thank you for saving Yuri, Spider-Man."
He extended his hand and shook it. "I would also like to ask. Why do you do all this? What motivates you to put your life at risk?"
"Ah." A sigh. "I am not a hero. You should not thank me. I did it on impulse. Besides, the lady owes me one for this, so it evens out."
He shrugged. "Answering your question. If someone had the same powers I have, and others did not, and then bad things happened, it would be partly their fault for not acting.
What I mean is.... I want to prevent this city from going to hell. Your officers cannot be everywhere, George. I just want people to feel safe going out on the streets without fearing they will be killed by a criminal.
That, and I am trying to make sure that when The Phase arrives, the change is minimal and less dangerous."
"The Phase?" George said. "What do you mean by that?"
"You will see," Spider-Man said, in a tone that was specifically sinister in its pleasantness. "Everyone will."
George watched as Spider-Man and Wade got into the taxi Dopinder had pulled up, and then turned and helped Dan to his feet.
"Sir," Dan said. "Should we track the taxi?"
"There is no need," George said, wearily. He looked at Yuri. "Come on, Yuri. You should stay at my house tonight. I am sure my daughter would enjoy your company."
....