I walked down the endless gray corridor, resting the ten-pound cast-iron skillet on my shoulder like a boombox. My wooden spatula was tucked securely into my waistband.
With my Stamina now at a solid 10, the grueling fatigue that usually accompanied my existence was entirely gone. I wasn't wheezing. My heart wasn't trying to beat its way out of my ribcage. I felt like a machine. A very hungry, very handsome machine.
"You know, System," I said, my voice echoing off the damp stone walls, "this Maze isn't so bad. It's basically a purely bullish market. As long as I keep eating the dips, my portfolio—my stats—only goes up."
[Ding!]
[Host is advised to remember that in any market, a sudden spike in volatility can result in total liquidation. Overconfidence is a leading cause of death on Floor 1. Also, you have a piece of crust stuck in your teeth.]
I picked at my teeth, successfully dislodging a hardened piece of molten cheese boar crust. I flicked it away. "Thanks. Good looking out. But seriously, with Strength and Agility at 12, I feel untouchable. That boar didn't stand a chance once I figured out the mechanics. I'm starting to think this 'Gourmet Consumer' class is fundamentally broken. Overpowered. Busted."
[Your current stats are barely sufficient to open a stubborn jar of pickles in the higher sectors of the Maze. Please temper your ego.]
"Haters gonna hate," I muttered.
The environment began to shift as I walked further east. The glowing green moss that lined the ceiling started to dim, replaced by a thick, aromatic steam rolling along the floor. The air grew humid. My boots began to stick slightly to the stone, making a faint schlick-schlick sound with every step.
I stopped and sniffed the air.
"Soy sauce," I whispered. "And... toasted sesame oil? Wait, is that garlic?"
My stomach immediately let out a rumble that sounded like distant thunder. The cheese boar had been a fantastic appetizer, but my newly expanded metabolism was already burning through those calories.
I gripped my skillet tightly in both hands and crept forward. The steam grew thicker, pooling around my knees like a foggy morning in London. The stone floor here was uneven, pitted with shallow craters that were filled with a dark, boiling liquid.
I knelt down, keeping my eyes peeled, and hovered my hand over one of the puddles.
[Appraise Activated.]
[Target: Premium Tonkotsu Broth Puddle]
[Quality: High. Simmered for 48 hours. Heavy on the pork fat.]
I stared at the blue text. The Maze was literally sweating soup.
Before I could dip a finger in for a taste test, the surface of the puddle next to me violently erupted. Boiling broth splashed across my boots. I jumped back, my Agility of 12 allowing me to clear five feet in a single backward bound.
Slithering out of the crater was a snake. But this wasn't an ordinary reptile. It was roughly twenty feet long, as thick as a fire hose, and completely devoid of scales. Instead, its body was constructed entirely of tightly braided, wavy, yellow noodles. Steam hissed off its wet body. Its eyes were two perfectly sliced halves of a soft-boiled egg, and two long, green scallions protruded from its snout like a mustache.
It opened its jaws, revealing fangs made of sharpened, hardened pork bones. Instead of venom, a thick, dark red chili oil dripped from the bone-fangs, sizzling as it hit the stone floor.
[Target Identified: Hellfire Ramen Viper]
[Level: 9]
[Threat Level: Spicy Death]
[Culinary Note: The noodle body is incredibly elastic and difficult to sever. The chili oil venom measures at 2.5 million Scoville Heat Units. Do not get it in your eyes.]
"A level nine," I muttered. "A three-level jump. The trendline is getting aggressive."
The Ramen Viper hissed, a sound like water hitting a hot wok. It didn't hesitate. The creature lunged forward with terrifying speed, launching a stream of boiling chili oil directly at my face.
I didn't try to dodge. I raised my cast-iron skillet like a riot shield.
SPLAT. SIZZLE.
The chili oil hit the heavy iron pan, instantly smoking and filling the air with the stinging scent of roasted peppers. My eyes watered just from the fumes, but the skillet took the brunt of the attack.
"My turn!" I yelled.
I charged through the spicy smoke. The viper drew back its head to strike again, but I was faster. I swung the skillet in a wide, horizontal arc, aiming right for the side of its noodle-braided neck.
THWACK.
The pan connected with a heavy, wet sound. The impact sent a shockwave up my arms, but the viper didn't shatter like the cheese boar. Its noodle body simply absorbed the blow, bending and stretching at a sickening angle before snapping back into place.
It countered instantly, whipping its tail around and slamming into my ribs.
"Gah!" I grunted, stumbling sideways. My HP dropped from 150 to 135. The hit felt like getting struck by a wet, boiling-hot sandbag.
The viper slithered in a rapid circle, surrounding me. It began to coil, moving in to crush me.
"Oh no you don't," I gritted my teeth. "You are not trapping me in a consolidation pattern!"
As the thick rings of hot noodles tightened around my legs and waist, I dropped the skillet. I reached into my waistband and pulled out my wooden spatula. With my Strength of 12, I jammed the flat edge of the spatula directly between the tight noodle coils.
I leveraged it like a crowbar. I pulled back with everything I had. My muscles strained, burning with the effort.
"Get... off... my... position!" I roared.
With a wet shhhhluck, the thick noodle coil popped loose. The viper hissed in confusion. I didn't give it a second to recover. I grabbed the loosened section of its body with my bare hands. It was blisteringly hot, but my Asbestos Mouth passive seemed to offer a tiny fraction of heat resistance to my hands as well.
I planted my feet, spun on my heel, and hurled the twenty-foot noodle snake across the corridor.
It slammed against the damp stone wall, sliding down into one of the deep craters of tonkotsu broth.
I sprinted over, picking up my skillet along the way. The viper was dazed, its egg-eyes spinning in its head. I leaped into the air, bringing the heavy iron pan down with both hands, right onto the crown of its head.
CRACK.
The pork-bone fangs shattered. The viper spasmed once, twice, and then went completely limp, uncoiling into a massive, tangled pile of noodles sitting perfectly in the crater of broth.
[Hellfire Ramen Viper Defeated.]
[EXP Gained: 0]
I leaned on my skillet, panting slightly. "Zero EXP. I know, I know. I have to eat my profits."
I looked down at the massive crater. It looked exactly like a giant bowl of premium spicy ramen, complete with the scallion mustache floating on top.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the shaker of MSG. I sprinkled a liberal amount over the steaming carcass. (49 uses remaining).
"Okay," I said, eyeing the massive pile of noodles. "I don't have chopsticks. I don't have a fork."
[The Gourmet System rewards resourcefulness. Use your hands. Use your face. Devour.]
I shrugged. I was a maze raider now. Table manners were a construct of the past.
I knelt by the crater, gripped a thick handful of the viper's wavy noodle body, and brought it to my mouth. I slurped.
The heat hit me instantly, but my Asbestos Mouth passive kicked into overdrive. Instead of third-degree burns, it felt like a pleasant, intense warmth. Then the spice hit. The 2.5 million Scoville chili oil exploded on my tongue. My eyes watered immediately, sweat broke out on my forehead, but the flavor was completely out of this world. The MSG amplified the rich, fatty pork flavor of the broth that had soaked into the noodles.
It was absolute heaven.
I slurped aggressively, using my spatula to shovel massive heaps of the spicy noodles into my mouth. The sheer volume of food would have killed a normal human, but my Iron Stomach compressed and digested it with terrifying speed.
I drank the broth directly from the crater, burying my face in the dark, spicy liquid.
[Ding!]
[Consumed: Hellfire Ramen Viper (Extra Spicy)]
[Evaluation: An incredibly sloppy display of eating, but highly effective. The spice tolerance demonstrated is commendable.]
[EXP Gained: 350]
[MSG Bonus Applied: +17 EXP]
[Condition Met. Level Up!]
[Condition Met. Level Up!]
The golden light flared twice in rapid succession. The burning sensation in my mouth and eyes vanished, replaced by a massive surge of pure, unadulterated energy. I felt lighter. I felt tougher.
I wiped my broth-soaked face with the back of my hand and belched loudly. It smelled like garlic and victory.
"Status," I commanded.
STATUS WINDOW
Name: Kingsley
Level: 8
Class: Gourmet Consumer
Title: Fast Food Casualty
[Base Stats]
HP: 200/200
MP: 30/30
Strength: 12
Agility: 12
Stamina: 10
Intelligence: 8
Luck: 1
[Skills]
* Iron Stomach (Passive) - Lv. Max
* Appraise (Active) - Lv. 2 (Leveled up from excessive use)
* Minor Toxin Resistance (Passive) - Lv. 1
* Asbestos Mouth (Passive) - Lv. 2 (Spice resistance permanently increased)
* NEW: Noodle Flexibility (Passive) - Lv. 1: Host's joints and ligaments are permanently infused with the elasticity of premium ramen. You are 20% harder to grapple, crush, or break.
[Available Stat Points: 10 ]
"Noodle Flexibility?" I laughed out loud. "I'm literally becoming what I eat. This is amazing."
I had ten stat points burning a hole in my pocket. The viper fight had shown me that while I was fast and strong, my stamina could still use some padding, and taking a hit still hurt.
I dumped 5 points directly into Strength, pushing it to an absurd 17. The market was trending up, and I was going long on brute force. I put the remaining 5 points into Stamina, raising it to 15.
My muscles expanded again, shifting beneath my skin. The sheer physical power I was accumulating felt intoxicating. I picked up my cast-iron skillet with one hand and casually tossed it spinning into the air, catching it perfectly by the handle. It felt as light as a ping-pong paddle.
"A level eight trader with zero drawdowns," I grinned, looking further down the steam-filled corridor. "Let's see what's on the dessert menu."